


Mortality: An Attack on Titan story

by FictionChroniclerNick



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon-compliant as of Chapter 90, Chapter 90 spoilers, F/M, Loose character study, Mentions of Chapter 50
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-11-21 21:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 48,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionChroniclerNick/pseuds/FictionChroniclerNick
Summary: She was always there, even before he knew he needed her badly.





	1. One

_Titan-sized disclaimer: Attack on Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin in Japanese) and all associated characters, places, and terms are a property of Hajime Isayama-san. I do not own Isayama-san's work of fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just a guy who appreciates his work, and has fun writing this. Live long and prosper._

 

The Titan shifter barely had half a decade left to slay his enemies.

 

Strangely enough, the very thought of it was more awakening than it was dreadful. True, when a man nears his end, he desires what's left of his brief existence to be charged with purpose more than anything, and Eren was no different in that regard. In the share of combat for the past couple of years, he was propelled by a single thought: the survival of the human race ensured by the extinction of the Titans. _A war machine, a force multiplier_ —that has been my role all this time, and that it shall always be for the remainder of this existence, Eren thought. In a twist of irony, few things such as impending death could spur one's thoughts and even prod one to look deep within, introspecting previously veiled fears, motivations, and unasked questions. One of the latter haunted him now.

 

_What meaning does this brief life carry outside of my goal, my chosen destiny?_

 

"You've been out here a long while," Armin quipped from behind him, "Almost as if you've just seen the ocean for the first time."

 

Despite being shaken from his moment of solitude, the Titan shifter could not suppress a small smile. Bare feet and rolled up trousers ankle deep in the seawater, he picked up a stone and tossed it a good five meters away, vanishing quickly amongst the gently rolling waves. The ocean reflected the brilliant orange painted by the sun across the sky, creating a scene conducive to existentialist thinking or open conversation with an old friend.

 

"That wouldn't be entirely true," Eren replied, "You described it so well when we were little, it's almost exactly how I pictured it then. Even a blockhead can imagine, you know."

 

The blond stood by his side and shrugged, "I didn't say anything. I'm not sure where that came from."

 

After absentmindedly tossing a stone himself, Armin decided it was time to goad his friend to speaking up. Eren was doing a rather good job at hiding it, but the blond boy could sense something was troubling him.

 

"Anything else going on inside that 'blockhead?' Lightening the load might help a bit."

 

The Titan shifter paused for a moment, clasping both hands atop his unkempt hair, "Been thinking about the time I had left, what I could possibly achieve in four years, about our enemies on the other side of this ocean..."

 

"And?"

 

"I've been committed to the cause for so long, yet I've never really put some serious thought into the costs behind it. For every Titan I kill, ten soldiers lose their lives covering my back or pulling my ass out of the fire. The thought of losing more people in the next four years because of my mistakes? It scares me. And it doesn't stop there. I dragged you guys into this, you and Mikasa. I never intended this hellish existence—"

 

"Eren," said his friend, laying a hand on Eren's shoulder before the shifter could finish, "If you want to hear the truth, here it goes. First off, your sacrifice is no lesser than the soldiers' that laid down their lives, and theirs is no lesser than yours. It's all the same to the human race. We're all fighting, and dying, to ensure its survival. It just so happens you can go toe-to-toe with those man-eaters while your brothers-in-arms have to use blades. At the end of the day however, we're all progressing towards the same goal. Commander Erwin told me that by keeping that collective goal alive, no soldier would have died in vain. Win, and it's a victory for the human race as well. We just have to keep pressing forward.

 

"Second—shh, don't interrupt me—your friends probably knew what they signed up for. From day one, I knew the risks, the consequences, the price. Yeah, for a while there, I was reluctant. But I also wasn't about to let you march into hell itself alone. A coward it might make of me, but that scares me more than getting devoured."

 

"I'm pretty sure you'll be doing the devouring from now on. The next time we see Reiner, do me a favor and flatten that armored bastard after I punish him."

 

"Don't get me started on that. I still get nightmares from eating Bertholdt. And I'm still not confident with my abilities as we haven't field tested the Colossal Titan yet."

 

"A couple of transformations in, and it'll feel natural. Don't worry about it. Just watch where you step," said Eren, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

 

"Sure hope so. I'd rather not make a mess of things. Where were we? Right, you interrupted me again. I know you're probably aware of this Eren, but Mikasa made her own decision to fight alongside you, just as I did. Do you think she's here to pay off a debt she incurred years ago?"

 

"I honestly don't know. I never asked her about it, but it has crossed my mind."

 

"Bollocks, Eren. Your relationship may have started on the night you saved her life, but it was never just about that. She loves you, and that's what makes the hellish existence you speak of bearable. All I'm saying is don't worry about us. We're here of our own accord, and we're here for you. So stay the course, Eren."

 

"Thank you. I'll remember that, Armin."

 

After a while, the pair started walking away from the shoreline and back to their camp, "Eh, don't mention it. In that case, I'll be helping the others prep supper. I hear we're having stew tonight. When was the last time we had meat? Two months ago was it?"

 

"Mhm. Thanks to Sasha. Again. Damn good archer, and an even better poacher in unsuspecting kitchens and pantries."

 

"Ah, Sasha. So, should Mikasa be worried now?" said the blond, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

 

The Titan shifter halted in his tracks, visibly caught off guard, "What? Why should she be worried?"

 

Armin proceeded to the middle of the camp, and replied without looking back at his friend and hiding a mischievous grin, "Nothing. I'll be joining the others now."

 

"Not so fast. Join you guys soon as I change," with that, Eren made a beeline for his personal tent, which was only several meters away from the fireplace Jean had going for their evening meal.

 


	2. Two

_Some time ago_

 

It was sheer luck that young Eren chanced upon his hapless friend on the way home from the market.

 

There were now four of them. Those four bastards had him pinned to the wall, like before. They must have dragged him to that alley, hoping to attract less attention, like before. The passersby within earshot of the commotion did nothing and went on their way, just like before. _Why? Why the hell won't Armin defend himself? Why aren't any of these people stepping in to set things right? Damn it!_

 

Without another moment of hesitation, he dropped the basket of vegetables where he stood and charged, letting out a blood-curdling scream all the while. All four troublemakers looked in his direction, but it was too late for the one nearest Eren. Made more effective by his forward momentum, Eren's punch connected satisfyingly with the first perp's chin, knocking the latter flat on his ass. Ignoring the pain in his now throbbing hand, he swung his fist wildly at the second perp but, as luck would have it, missed entirely. Before Eren could recover for another hook, the two other perps grabbed his arms and one of them hit his gut, knocking the wind out of him.

 

"Guys!" Armin yelled, "Here's the coin, all I have with me! Just, take it and let him go. Let's just all go home and call it a day."

 

"Shut your trap, Arlert!" retorted Bully Boy No. 2, "Jaeger's got some blood to pay us back first. We'll deal with you later."

 

Bully Boy No. 1 scampered back up on his feet and stood in front of Eren, clutching his bruised jaw, "Let me at 'em Horace! Jimmy, Nelson, hold the squirming rat steady! I'm gonna make mincemeat outta ya, Jae—"

 

Without warning, Eren's head jerked forward, his forehead colliding with Bully Boy No. 1's still throbbing jaw. The latter howled at the sudden jolt of pain.

 

"Damn, Bert!" the one called Horace quipped, "Not feeling lucky today, are we?"

 

Bert looked askance at Horace, blood seeping out his nose, "You on the rat's side now, Horace? Maybe I ought to teach you both a lesson then, eh?"

 

Before the perps could turn against one another like predators arguing over the last morsel of their prey, Bert's rotten string of luck persisted. The lights finally went out when he sustained a blow to the back of the head, his limp form comically toppling Horace. The two remaining perps restraining Eren were incapacitated just as quickly, their wild punches harmlessly hitting air while their torsos and faces got bruised in return.

 

Evidently, Horace was the brightest one in the gang, "It's Mikasa! Jim, Nelson, help me up with Bert! Folk say that forest girl's cursed! Run like hell!"

 

When the gang finally scrammed, Eren made a motion to pursue them, his chest teeming with hatred. _Now this!? I'll teach them to speak of her like that!_ Eren would have had his way had Mikasa not held the impetuous boy back, a firm hand clamping on his shoulder.

 

"Eren. That's enough for one day. Let them go."

 

He brusquely shoved her hand aside, facing her squarely, "I'm not gonna let some scum treat us like bugs! I'm gonna punish them!"

 

"And then what? Once you have the upper hand, what exactly do you intend to do? Murder them the way those traffickers did my parents? You're better than this, Eren."

 

The girl walked past a stunned Eren and checked up on Armin, who looked fine for the most part. Her face contorted in an expression of concern.

 

"Armin, are you hurt? We have some medicines back home."

 

The blond straightened his ruffled clothing and picked up his book before giving her a tired smile, "I'm fine Mikasa, they hardly laid a finger on me. Nothing atypical really, they just wanted some coin I had on my person. We should see how Eren's doing; they tagged him at least once."

 

The girl turned back to her other friend, feeling slightly guilty at not checking him for injuries immediately, "Eren, let me see?"

 

The all too familiar scowl returned, "Listen, I'm fine! Stop worrying about me! And I had the situation under control before you butchered everything!—"

 

"And I'm grateful, Eren," Armin stepped in before the temperature could rise any further, "To you and Mikasa for getting me out of that pickle. Now I think it's time for us to head home. I, for one, have to help out back at the house."

 

"Same for us," Mikasa replied, "Aunt Carla's expecting us to be home by now. You sure you'll be okay, Armin?"

 

"Of course, home's not too far from here. You two take care, and I'd recommend checking up on him once he blows off some steam," Armin's voice grew noticeably quieter as he said the last words.

 

"Heard that!" said Eren as his childhood friend started walking away.

 

"Not sure what you're talking about Eren. I'll see you guys tomorrow at school. Got a big week ahead of us!"

 

When the two of them were left alone, Mikasa started walking without waiting for the boy, "C'mon, your Mom's waiting for us. Make yourself useful and pick up the basket you dropped. Or do you want us to have nothing to eat for dinner?"

 

Taken aback by her bluntness, he nonetheless complied and wordlessly walked beside her, still embittered by the pesky troublemakers. It was not until they were nearly home that Eren discerned something odd about Mikasa's hands. Her knuckles and fingers were bruised, and must have hurt from the looks of it. The boy then recalled her rubbing her hands together a few times on their way home.

 

In a blink of an eye, his rage over the young thugs that harassed them earlier evaporated.

 

"Hey," he tapped her shoulder with his free hand, "let me see."

 

For a moment, they both stood still and the perplexed girl replied, "See what exactly?"

 

"Don't be stupid. Your hands, lemme have a look."

 

Reluctantly, Mikasa let the boy gingerly take her hands in his. Surprisingly, his touch was rather gentle, standing in stark contrast to his usual brashness. She could never bring herself to tell him, but she loved the way his hands supported hers. It was as if her hands were the most fragile things in the world, and so he took care not to harm them in the slightest. Little did he know that the purple spots that marred her skin were but the first of many wounds, marks borne of the love she so carefully conceals from him.

 

He looked back at her eyes, "I'll take care of this. Let's pick up the pace, and try not to move your hands a lot."

 

"Eren, it's not that bad. Really. It'll be gone in a few days at most."

 

Of course, there was little she could do to dissuade him. When they were home, Carla gave her son some icebags and healing ointments, and the boy wasted no time upon receiving them. While his Mom prepped dinner for that evening, Eren busied himself attending to Mikasa's hands at their modest living room.

 

"You know, I can do this by myself later, after we finish our chores. It doesn't hurt terribly."

 

"Just sit still. This won't take long."

 

Choosing not to argue with him, they instead sat in silence, the icebag being gently dabbed along her small knuckles and fingers. After a few moments, her nurse decided to break the silence.

 

"Listen, I... I'm sorry about the way I reacted earlier. I just don't like dragging you to my fights, because THIS happens," emphasizing her slight injury, "And it could have been worse. I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

 

"And I can't just stand back and watch you get hurt. Don't get mad but, please try to understand."

 

He put away the icebags and started applying a lather of the ointment, "I'm not mad, Mikasa. Just frustrated I did a piss-poor job protecting you today. I put you in harm's way. That is not supposed to happen, at all."

 

Before he could finish applying the medicine, she threw her arms around him and pulled him close, hoping the gesture would at least quell his troubled mind. Actions become the language of the heart when words fail to express what it truly wishes to convey. Her chin resting snugly on his shoulder, she hoped he understood what her heart was trying hard to communicate.

 

_We're still here, alive, and that's more than what I can ask for. So stop it. You matter so much to me._

 

He embraced her back, and everything felt so right at that immortal moment.


	3. Three

_Present day_

 

"Truth is, I don't really know yet. I've been in the Survey Corps long enough that it's hard to picture myself anywhere else. But if I give it some more thought, I might request to be transferred to the MPs. I was serious about working my way up and making some drastic changes once I hold a leadership position."

 

After Jean finished, Connie quipped, "But that would mean leaving Mikasa, man. Or is it Historia, now? Jean and the Queen—got a nice ring to it."

 

"Hey, knock it off Connie! Not cool at all."

 

Despite Jean's protests, it was too late. The side comment elicited some sniggers around the campfire, and even the usually stoic Mikasa managed a small smile.

 

"Alright Jean, have it your way. Anyway, whose turn is it? Mine? Easy, I'll be the next Levi Ackerman so the guy can finally retire. Next?"

 

It was gone as quickly as it surfaced, but Armin noticed the flash of melancholy in Connie's eyes. Beneath the gloss of his casual countenance, losing his village left its mark on him—it was clear he did not wish to dampen everyone's spirits with his pain. Deprived of the choice to return home like most of them were, Armin surmised friends in the Corps was all Connie had left.

 

Sasha, one of the luckier ones among them, spoke up next, "I miss home, so I think I'll take some R&R for a while. From there, I'll figure out my next move. While we're talking about it, I'm requiring all of you to stop by, preferably all together. Venison, boar meat, baked potatoes—there's more than enough for everyone! So you guys better come. No excuses."

 

 _If we are all still alive by then_ , no one in particular said. Yet in some form or another in varying degrees, it was all in their minds.

 

The huntress talked more about her younger years before she joined the military: the long afternoons painstakingly searching for prey; picking delicious, non-poisonous berries; effectively utilizing their two hunting hounds. It astounded most of them to learn that Sasha started doing all that at the tender age of five, under her father's tutelage of course. Lest her story overstays its welcome, she soon gave the floor to Armin, who happily obliged.

 

"Well, my job already lets me do what I love—see the world. With Titans out of the equation, I think we'll finally be able to _survey_ these lands just fine. Think of all the discoveries we could make in uncharted territory—probably enough to fill a dozen books in our lifetime."

 

Connie snapped his fingers, "I've got it! If you discover any new species of wild horses, let's name it after Jean. _Jeanohorsus horsfacus_. That's one for the books, literally."

 

"Careful, Springer. You just might wake up with horse dung on your face tomorrow," replied Jean.

 

The blond reasserted himself before things could get out of hand, "I'm not sure about any wild horses, but I'll keep that in mind. With Jean's consent of course. Anyways, before the hour gets late, I think it's Eren's..."

 

He craned his head around the camp for his friend, but the Titan shifter was nowhere to be found, "... turn. I could've sworn he was just here a moment ago. Has anyone noticed him leave?"

 

"Probably just wanted some time alone," Mikasa surmised, getting up on her feet, "At any rate, I'll look for him, just to see how he's doing. He's been... aloof lately. I'll see you guys later."

 

Leaving the others talking about Eren's behavior the past couple of days, Mikasa set out to look for the boy. He was not in the camp nor in his tent, that much was clear. Even with only moonlight and its reflection on the sea to illuminate her surroundings, it did not take her too long to find him. On the far side of the beach by a slender tree, Eren was sparring on a hanging sack, a makeshift punching bag if you will.

 

She began, "Eren? Is everything okay? Why are you out here?"

 

He turned around to face her, wiping sweat off his brow with his sleeve, "Hey. Everything's fine. Just needed some air. Didn't mean to worry you guys or anything."

 

The low visibility made it difficult for her to read his face, but she didn't miss the downcast tone in his voice, "I won't pry if you don't want to, but you can tell me if there's anything troubling you. To be honest, I've felt that these past few days—as if you grew more distant from us as time went on."

 

He took both her hands in his, catching her by surprise. The Titan shifter often was not one to hold her like this, especially in the past couple of years when childhood was replaced by adulthood that came far too early. They undoubtedly shared a strong bond, but Eren just was not the type to casually stroke her hair, kiss her forehead, hold her hand, or even embrace her—things she all yearned for from him nonetheless. It was quite the other way around; she was the one to often reach out to him, and even then he would often dismiss her, evidently flustered by the way she coddled him. So what was it that brought about this change in him?

 

She hoped the moonlight did not reveal the rosy tint quickly coloring her cheeks.

 

"I'm fine, okay? While taking in the breeze, I decided to do something useful with that bag of hay back there. All that talk of the future had me thinking of the battles ahead. Reiner's still out there, and heaven knows what other abominations. I wanna be prepared for them, and make sure I land the right combinations. We saw how relying solely on brute force wasn't a good idea in the past."

 

"Mhm. It used to get someone dear to me kidnapped every other day and twice on Sunday."

 

A cackle escaped him despite the memories that resurfaced, "Whoa, easy with the truth there. It hurts."

 

She moved her hands to his shoulders, "That's not all. Want to hear another?"

 

"Not sure if I do, but I know you'll tell me anyway," said the Titan shifter as casually as he could manage, hoping she didn't notice his heart hammering wildly in his chest.

 

She leaned closer, their faces almost touching, "You have terrible footwork."

 

He immediately broke away from her and playfully slapped her shoulder, "And I suppose you could do better, Mikasa Ackerman?"

 

She replied matter-of-factly, her voice devoid of any arrogant undertone, "When you were sparring, I could recognize most of Annie's techniques. I beat Annie."

 

"Then enlighten me, sensei," the challenge already evident in Eren's tone, "How do I incapacitate an aggressive sack of hay dreadfully hanging from a branch? Care to demonstrate?"

 

Without a moment's hesitation, Mikasa gave the sack a solid lateral kick from where she stood, followed by a mean straight, closing the distance between her and the target. What came next was almost too fast for Eren's eyes to track—a flurry of elbow strikes, crosses, and knee strikes making mincemeat of the unfortunate sack. As she fought, the Titan shifter began to understand what Mikasa told him. As she generously dished out her barrage of strikes, she was also constantly moving around. She would land three or four hits (the darkness and her sheer speed made it hard to tell) in quick succession, and then sidestep. Her attack patterns were also erratic, making it difficult to predict her next move and counterattack.

 

She ended the "demonstration" with a powerful hook that would have easily dislocated the average man's jaw. Speaking of jaws, his fell to the floor as she walked up to him. She did not even sweat that much after the thrashing.

 

"Well, how did I do?"

 

He cleared his throat before replying, "You were ama—I mean—I thought you did an amazing job."

 

She pretended not to notice the slip up, turning her head to face the ocean, "It's not that complicated, really. You just have to keep moving and protecting yourself from the opponent. But remember, with stationary training dummies, we can only practice striking and not grappling. You need a partner for the latter."

 

"If you put it that way, can you teach me that tomorrow then? I could really use your help. You know, might even the odds in future engagements."

 

Her eyes widened at that. Indeed, something had definitely changed in him. First there was the aloofness, and now there's the open willingness to accept her aid. In the past, he would never spar with her, let alone be the one to ask for help. There was something in his mind, but knowing him, he would not tell her right away even if she asked. He would tell her when he is ready, and that could take a while.

 

She stared back into his green eyes, and was rewarded with the sight of his rare smile, "If you don't feel like tucking in yet, we can start with the basics now. Don't worry, I won't knock you to the ground unless you give me a reason to. Reckon you wouldn't sleep tight with sand all over you."

 

His smile wavered, "What about you? You might want to sleep already. Just noticed that the camp is pretty quiet by now. They're all probably fast asleep by now save the one on first watch."

 

"No no, it's okay," she replied a little more adamantly than she intended, "Since you brought it up, we can begin now if you want. Let's just try not to stay up too late lest we sleep in tomorrow."

 

He hesitated for moment, but then made up his mind, "Alright then. Show me how it's done."

 

She did not lunge at him the way she went after the now tattered sack, and for that he was secretly grateful. Taking baby steps together, they practiced close quarters combat and grappling techniques she thought would be useful against Titans. Eren could be quite stubborn, but he also picked up relatively fast. The three techniques she showed him that night were executed solidly after only a few attempts.

 

"It's nearly midnight, so I think that's all we can cover for now," she stifled a yawn, unaccustomed to staying up this late, "Just remember that training can't perfectly simulate real combat. Your opponents won't react same way I do, and their techniques will certainly differ. So, you might find it expedient to roll with your instinct. I can give you tools, but it's up to you how to use them. Seize the opportunities as they present themselves; in dynamic engagements, they'll be gone before you know it."

 

"Not just in dynamic engagements, I learned."

 

"Okay. Your point being?" The uncertainty in her voice was palpable.

 

He did not answer her, not at that moment at least. Seemingly of their own accord, his hands drifted towards her, one tentatively found her waist while the other glided across raven locks, pulling her closer. He felt her body conspicuously tense at the foreign touch, and he understood why. He was slowly unraveling a part of him that he never before permitted her to see, lying dormant beneath the mantle of rage and vengeance which sustained him for so long. When he meditated on the inescapable fact that his days were numbered (and practically everyone else's due to the nature of their occupation, even without Ymir's Curse), it gave him something else to focus on besides the singleminded desire to wipe out the enemy. He searched elsewhere, and found joy simply in _what is_. His friends were still alive; vanquishing the Titans was more of a reality now than a distant fantasy; new technologies unearthed from the damned basement afforded humanity a little more protection from the enemy.

 

And there was her.

 

The girl he saved years ago was now the woman that saved his skin more times than he could count. For too long and far too frequently did he shun her, failing to recognize the true meaning underneath her overprotectiveness of him. To the one who thanked him for a shot at a second life, the one to whom he promised his always, it was never about merely repaying a debt.

 

_She loves you, and that's what makes the hellish existence you speak of bearable._

 

She in turn cupped his face, so that was probably a good sign, he thought. They could easily smell one another's breath at that point, and neither cared about the lingering odor of the stew they had earlier. All that was left was to drift forward, the hammering in his chest be damned.

 

But panic set in, and the Titan shifter withdrew, suddenly fearful of where this could take them.

 

He looked away from her, still holding her in his arms, "Head back to camp. You've been gone a while and they might start worrying."

 

She tried to hide the despondent look on her face, and failed miserably, "Of course. Not to mention we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. You should probably return too."

 

He released her, and he was yearning for her already the moment he did. Little did he know that she too felt the same, "Yeah, I will. I'll follow as soon as I take down the sack. Goodnight."

 

"Goodnight," with that, she turned and paced away, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

 

For how long he knelt on the sands and contemplated what just happened, he could not say for certain. His memory must have played tricks with him that night, for as he woke up on his bedroll the following morning, he could barely remember lugging the sack to camp and entering his tent.

 

On the other hand, he remembered her just fine, the recollection fresh as the morning dew that greeted him outside.

 


	4. Four

"Ah, so that explains it."

 

"There you go again, you know-it-all. Explains what, Armin?"

 

"Why Mikasa's eyes grew as large as the sun when you told the others why you left last night. She obviously wasn't expecting you to lie."

 

Not too far from beach where they were temporarily stationed, the Scouts were mapping some sprawling woods west of their camp. After breaking their fast, the Commander divided them into pairs, and assigned Eren and Armin to the southern area of the woods. The Titan shifter could not have asked for a better partner with his wanting skill in cartography. As they rode at a steady trot, he now regretted not paying attention in class during his trainee days. Painstakingly crafting a visual representation of an area and staring at existing maps were not exactly terribly exciting.

 

"Look, do you really think I could've told them the truth? Folk'll think I'm some kind of weirdo for sparring in the night and that we're up to _something_ with... _what just happened_. Dammit, I don't even have a word for it! What the hell was I thinking!?"

 

"What the hell indeed, Eren. Look, I understand, and I respect your privacy. But if my opinion means anything to you, I think both of you were being honest with one another until you, well, panicked as you said. You've known each other for years, buddy. At the very least, I think she deserves to know how you feel."

 

They rode in silence for a while, then the Titan shifter shared his collected thoughts, "Yeah, we've known each other for quite a while, but it was only lately that I gave these—feelings, dammit—any serious thought. My four remaining years pushed me in that direction, the one that will let her know that I need her. But that same thing also held me back, made me afraid. Where will those four years take us? Am I to give her four petty years then leave her forever when I promised 'always?' She deserves better than that, dammit."

 

"None of our comrades deserved to die too," the blond looked up from jotting down landmarks and distance estimations from his notebook, "But they got devoured anyway. Did the thought of nigh certain death stop them from giving it their all? Of course not. Do us both a favor and just tell her, Eren. Stop overthinking who deserves what and just do what you believe's right. Four years? We're not even sure about tomorrow, Eren.

 

"One more thing. You are aware that we learned more about the Titans in the past five years than in the last 50 years put together? That being said, put your mind off the Curse of Ymir for now. If there's a will, we'll find the means, and with that the way. Have a little bit of faith."

 

"Alright. You win, smartass. Now let's just get back to making these damn maps. Wouldn't want to turn in a half-assed piece of work to the Commander."

 

"Sure. I just happen to be doing all of the work while my partner yammers something about 'getting back to work.'"

 

"What are you talking about? I'm jotting down notes too!"

 

"Have you taken into account meridians, latitudes, notable landmarks, distance estimations, the direction, major aberrations on the terrain?"

 

He tried to hide his embarrassment with the ignorance card, "Why didn't you tell me we had to specifically look out for those?"

 

"We were briefed by Hangi-san before we split up, and all of _those_ were part of basic cartography class, which I'm suuure you excelled in."

 

"Condescending, sarcastic moron," Eren mumbled.

 

Armin reined in his horse and dismounted, motioning for Eren to do the same, "Let's take a break. We've been riding for hours."

 

"Don't be silly, Armin. We need cover as much ground as possible, and lunchtime's still an hour away."

 

Notwithstanding Eren's protests, Armin was already tethering his horse, "Trust me, Eren. We have until tomorrow to complete our mission, and I'm sure we'll finish early, so take a seat. This condescending-but-well-informed-moron will conduct a crash course on basic cartography."

 

"Oh joy," replied the Titan shifter, grudgingly dismounting his horse as well, which uncannily resembled Jean. The two could be mistaken for twins, actually.

 

"That's right, you freeloader. You're gonna do your share of the work."

 

(-)

 

"There's the smoke from our campfire no doubt. Looks like the others went ahead of us. We're almost there, Jean. How're you holding up?"

 

"I'm fine, don't worry about it. Probably just a sprained ankle."

 

Assigned to the western area of the woods, Mikasa and Jean went the farthest away from camp, and would consequently be home for dinner last. When they finished mapping for the day, Jean descended from the treetops using ODM gear but misjudged distance, landing rather painfully on his left foot before toppling over. His partner rushed to his side immediately, but he shrugged off the accident as nothing to fret about, even as he had difficulty mounting his stallion. It was nearly sundown, and he had been enduring the throbbing pain for almost an hour now.

 

"We should take a closer look at that once we get back, still."

 

"Won't argue with that. As you say, ma'am."

 

As time went by and accumulating, shared experiences brought what's left of the Survey Corps closer, Jean's juvenile, boyhood crush of Mikasa gradually faded away, replaced by an unshakable respect for a close friend. That's not to say it was easy in the beginning though, for in his eyes she grew more beautiful with each passing day, as did the portraits he sketched and painted without her knowledge. In the end however, his esteem for her superseded the childish, puppy love.

 

After a few minutes of riding in silence, he began, "You never got to tell us you know, what you plan to do once the Titans become history. Took off before we could interrogate you."

 

She gave him a wan smile at that, "I'd go with Eren. If he really only has so much time left because of that damned Titan curse, I want to see it through until... until the very end. And you? Gonna make good on your plans to join the MPs?"

 

The way she abruptly changed the subject did not escape him, and so he respected her privacy, not prying any longer after that, "It was a boyhood fantasy of mine; I'm just not sure if it would make the best reality in the future. I might consult Levi on that. On one hand, getting a shot at revitalizing the MPs and instilling the values we cultivated as Survey Corps members? That'd be sweet."

 

"But on the other, you'd have to leave your comfort zone, uncertain if it'll all work out."

 

"Ha, took the words right out of my mouth."

 

"Well, if that's the only thing holding you back and nothing else, then I suggest you go for it. I'm not sure what waits in the next life, but I know I want to make the most out of this one—doing what I love with those dearest to me. You'd make a fine leader, Jean. I think... I think Marco would be happy for you right now, wherever you decide to go."

 

His heart warmed at the thought of his old friend rooting for him, deep down believing it to be true, "Thanks... I gotta admit though, Connie didn't completely miss the mark there. I wanna catch up on old times with Christa—I mean Historia, never gonna get used to that name."

 

"Oh, I see," it was getting dark, but Jean could still see the toothy grin she was clearly trying to hide beneath her scarf.

 

"Hey, what are you going on about there?" feeling him crack a smile himself, "She's our comrade for crying out—"

 

"Guys! Pick up the pace, dinner's getting cold," Sasha yelled a couple of paces ahead of them.

 

As their horses broke to a canter, Mikasa told her unsuspecting partner, "Give her Highness a kiss from her comrades then. C'mon, we still have to get you patched up before dinner."

 

At that point, Jean had practically forgotten about the minor injury, but he was not shaking his head because of that.


	5. Five

That night over dinnertime, each dyad reported its findings to the rest of the group; the common observation being that the woods was much larger they anticipated. Nonetheless, Armin was confident that all teams would finish by sundown tomorrow, judging by the rate they were going.

 

Much to everyone's relief, there were no signs of Titan activity in the woods. Nevertheless, Commander Hangi reminded each team to keep their flares in handy should any threat arise. Being paired with the Commander to the northern area of the woods, Captain Levi ran them through the plan again in case Titans were encountered. 

 

Levi devised the plan should Eren be incapacitated or otherwise be hindered from using the Coordinate ability. As soon as one dyad sights a hostile, a red flare is to be fired there and then, alerting other dyads of Titans in the area. From that point on, the mapping mission is put on hold and all teams are to gallop northeast, remaining on horseback unless sprinting abnormals force them to use ODM gear. As much as possible, they couldn't afford to lose their horses.

 

As soon as the Captain reaches the Cleaning Point (high ground that stands in stark contrast to the relatively flat terrain in the area) in the northeast region of the woods, he would launch a green flare, and all teams are to make a beeline to the exact location where the flare was fired ASAP. If the hostiles are lost before the Cleaning Point is reached, all is well. If not, the name of the meeting place alone, as the Captain fondly dubbed it, should suggest the next course of action.

 

"The key thing to remember here," the Captain emphasized, "is not to engage as long as you have the option of fleeing, especially if there are multiple combatants. Gallop like hell northeast, look out for my signal, then we gut them there. Whatever happens, I'm ordering all of you not to die on a fucking mapping mission. Clear?"

 

"Yes, Sir," the remaining soldiers said in unison.

 

Everyone lent a hand in putting away the dining articles after swapping campfire stories once more. As he scrubbed their bowls clean in a nearby stream, Eren was beginning to visualize a life without the towering man-eaters, for his friends had shown him these past few days. It has been weeks since their last major engagement, and it has done everyone good for the most part. Gone were the blank stares on their faces after brushing with death or losing a comrade; everyone generally became more talkative; the instances of stifled sobbing Eren heard at night was few and far in between nowadays. It was almost as if they were finally living normal lives, working the normal job of seeing the world and gathering together for dinner like a normal family.

 

Funny how mundane chores spurred his thoughts the most, the Titan shifter thought.

 

He returned to the camp, clean bowls in tow. He decided to bring the bowls to his tent for now as he did not wish to disturb their unofficial quartermaster, Sasha, who was already in her tent. As he put away the bowls, changed into sleeping attire, and lied down on his bedroll, one little thought made it impossible to sleep one wink.

 

_You are such an arse for ignoring her today, Eren._

 

A handful of times they made eye contact that day, making him reflexively avert his gaze every time. He could not say for certain how he knew, but it hurt her. Though he did it for both their sake and for time to reflect, it was clearly doing more harm than good, even after just one day. After groaning into his pillow, he grabbed his green cloak lying haphazardly beside him, donned it, and went outside. He was greeted by the moonlight once more and the chilly evening breeze.

 

Though it was fairly dark, the Titan shifter kept his head low, sticking to the shadows. The last thing he wanted was for Connie, taking first watch for the night, to see him making his way to someone else's tent when he had no business to. He had no idea where his friend was perched, so he could only hope for the best.

 

Before long, he was already kneeling outside her tent. He would have called out her name had indecision not struck at that moment. What if she's already asleep? What if she thinks of him as a creep for visiting this late at night? What the hell was he even doing there? To set things right?

 

Steeling his nerves for her, he hissed her name once. When that did not work, he called out a little louder, running the risk of nearby comrades hearing his voice. After a few moments, he could make out the sound of bedroll shuffling and knees making padded noises toward the tent opening.

 

Mentally, he berated himself. _Way to go, idiot; you successfully woke her up. Commendable timing._

 

"Eren?" she shook sleep out of tired-looking eyes, and her locks were mussed up, "I thought you were asleep. What's the matter?"

 

He placed both hands on his lap and exhaled, doing his best to kill the nervousness. Why did it suddenly become so difficult to communicate with her? Along with Armin, there was no one else he trusted more, with his very life and everything else. Before him was the girl—nay, woman—that saved him on several occasions and would lay down her life for his in a heartbeat. He should feel safe, not as if a man-eater would sprout from the sands and devour him whole.

 

Perhaps what he felt was not worth it if it meant losing what they had at the moment—a bond not fated to last for more than four additional years.

 

He barely registered both her hands on his head until Mikasa spoke, "Hey, stay with me. What is it? Just tell me what's wrong."

 

"What's wrong..." he brought up his hands, finding hers and holding tight, "... is that I waited far too long to tell you... that I love you. Deeply. Unquestioningly. Completely. For that, forgive me. And for waking you up in the middle of the night too."

 

Perhaps he expected it, but he was nonetheless pleasantly surprised when she threw her arms around him, embracing him as tightly as she once had when he first emerged from his Titan form. Feeling his nervousness ebb away and speech ability return, he in turn kissed her hair and gently stroked her back.

 

Still latched onto him, she spoke softly, "I forgive you. For that too."

 

"Thank you, Mikasa... You didn't deserve to be kept waiting, but the truth is I only gave this some serious thought lately. And even as I put the pieces together, I was still afraid of showing you the whole picture. I was scared of driving you away, or that you might think ill of it and grow to resent me 'til my last days. So, thank you... for teaching me how to love."

 

She adjusted herself to lean her forehead against his, something she looked forward to getting used to, "And here I thought you knew me well. I've loved you for so long, and you thought reciprocating would drive me away? Blockhead."

 

He kissed her forehead at that, "Mikasa, I haven't fallen in love with anyone before. You can hardly fault me for screwing that bit up. You had me spinning and I had no idea where to go. I really just made this up as I went along."

 

"Then I'm glad you found your way... Could you stay with me for a bit longer? I... I missed you, you recluse. Very much so."

 

He pondered for a moment whether he should stay by her side or not. On one hand, it would not be their first time together. On her first, particularly cruel month in the Jaegers' home, nightmares often found their way in her sleep, the scene of her parents' murders replaying in her innocent mind. Young Eren, roused by incessant, stifled sobbing, rushed to her side without second thought, gently waking her up. From there on, the young boy would soothe the girl back to a more peaceful sleep before getting shuteye himself.

 

On the other hand, things were far different now. He grew up to be a man, and she a woman. He would be lying to himself at that point if he claimed he did not fancy her. Her face matured and grew more breathtaking with her round eyes, small nose, and petite mouth. It was not even marred in the slightest by the scar on her cheek, though he still hated himself for what happened then. Her figure was no less perfect, managing to simultaneously look tender and powerful. In every sense of the word, she was beautiful. And so the temptation to sin was there.

 

Only, he loved her too much to act on it.

 

He kissed her forehead a second time, a gesture he in turn would love to get used to, "Alright. C'mon, let's call it a night."

 

They entered the one-man tent, and it was immediately clear that two made a crowd in such confined spaces. Twice her elbow found his face, eliciting a hasty apology from her and laughter from both of them afterwards. When they lied down, she faced away from him as the Titan shifter draped on arm over her abdomen. It was their same exact ritual when the young girl was helpless from all the nightmares many years ago.

 

"Eren, are you going soon? You don't have to spend the night if you don't want to.  I just wanted a bit of your time."

 

"Not going 'til it's my shift. I'm assigned the last one tonight just before the morn, so I won't be here by the time you wake up. Why? It's okay, I can go if this makes you feel uncomfortable."

 

"No," she said, putting her hand atop of the one wrapped around her core, "Not at all. Don't go if that's the case."

 

He craned his head above her, placing a kiss on her temple and one along her jawline, tickling her slightly, "As you wish. Get some sleep now. I'm sorry for waking you up earlier."

 

"If it meant having this to look forward to, wake me up more often."

 

"Yeah, well, don't push your luck too hard, princess. The others will be bound to find out about us. Just not so soon I hope."

 

"They're our friends, Eren, and I'm not ashamed of being with you. I don't think it would be right to hide the truth from them for long anyway. Let's just be discreet about it."

 

"Okay, okay. Now go to sleep. Been struggling to stay awake since we got so damn comfortable. Gotta wake up early tomorrow you know," said Eren, doing his best to stifle a yawn.

 

"Wait, before you drift off. There's just one thing you're forgetting."

 

He groaned and buried his face in her raven locks, which was now slightly longer than usual, "What is it now, Mika? Keep it short, please."

 

She lithely made a 180 degree turn, surprising him a bit though his eyes remained shut. Now facing him, one hand found the back of his head as her lips drifted forward to his, barely lasting a second. Now that got his attention.

 

"That was _... short_. Okay, you had me. You should definitely lead from now on. I would have botched that one up."

 

She grinned as their forehead remained touching, "You don't give yourself enough credit. I know you were just nervous. I was too, even if I wanted it for quite a while now."

 

"Me? You wanted to kiss me for a long time? Me and this slobbery gob of mine? I don't belie—"

 

Rudely cutting him off, she pressed forward again, lasting a lot longer this time around, to lend him much needed credence. His hand rested on her hair, fingers entangling themselves in her messy locks. While air remained in their lungs, their lips slowly learned an affectionate dance of expression. _Believe me Eren Jaeger_ , dexterous thin lips seemed to communicate. _I do, and I shall 'til my last breath_ , thicker slobbery lips replied, easing her into a state of calm and safety.

 

She released him though she could have held out far longer, not wishing to deprive him of oxygen, "Goodnight."

 

"Goodnight, my Mika."

 


	6. Six

_Where the blazes is he?_ Armin thought.

 

The last grains in the upper portion of the hourglass trickled to the bottom, signifying the end of his watch and the start of Eren's. He tucked the small trinket away and got up from his perch. Although there were no signs of Titans in their immediate vicinity, Armin still expected his friend to take his assigned shift seriously. Slowly opening the Titan shifter's tent after calling his name thrice with no response, he did not find anyone inside.

 

_Let's see. His cloak isn't here as well, so he probably went out for a stroll? Took a leak perhaps? Or did he get all philosophical again? Might be worth checking the area where Mikasa found him last night._

And so he did, and was no less disappointed. There was no hanging sack by the same tree he described, much less an emo Titan shifter pondering his existence and the life after it. On his way back to the camp, he debated whether or not to wake the Commander up regarding the matter until he noticed some faint tracks outside of Eren's tent. This small detail clearly escaped him the first time he was there a few minutes ago.

 

Armin knelt down, taking a closer look. He was certain the tracks were not his own; he approached Eren's tent opening from the front, and stepped away the same way he came. These tracks went to the right of the opening, leading deeper into the camp. The wind must have covered some of the prints, but Armin could still make out the vague course of the tracks. _What are you up to, Eren?_ The blond thought as he slowly followed his shirking friend's path.

 

The footprints that remained visible were deliberate and fairly close to one another, as if his friend—if it was Eren—was careful not to wake anyone up. Armin surmised that was better than more jagged footprints that were further apart; that could only mean he was running away from something. Still, Armin ruled out an attack; he did not find any other suspicious tracks in the area, and there were no signs of a struggle or blood splatters in Eren's tent.

 

"Hang on, the tracks are deeper here," the blond thought out loud, not unlike a certain gray-haired, cat-eyed monster hunter for hire he read from his fantasy books, "He must've stopped here for at least a few seconds. Then he walked... and stopped here once more. I'd say he was moving from cover to cover. Hiding? But from who? The Commander? Captain Levi?" Armin grinned at the thought.

 

He followed the tracks for a couple more minutes until they led him to Mikasa's tent, "Mhm. This is getting interesting."

 

Against his better judgment, Armin undid the tent closure, intending to rouse his male friend only. Unfortunately, what he just saw would make that a wee difficult. The two occupants of the _one-man_ tent were snoring softly, very much entangled in one another's arms. From the looks of it, Armin stood a far better chance besting Levi in combat than prying Eren out of the tent. Wearing his cloak, the Titan shifter was still fast asleep, drool seeping at the corner of his mouth and drenching the girl's scarf. _I wonder how she'll take it when she wakes up_ , thought Armin with a chuckle.

 

Not denying himself a small smile, he closed the tent and made a beeline back to his perch. Dawn was still a good way off. Though he was still irked at Eren for outright shirking his watch, he could not help but be happy for two old friends of his, especially for Mikasa. Assuming Eren finally revealed to her how he felt, Armin knew that nothing would have made her happier. The darn blockhead kept her waiting too long indeed.

 

Be that as it may, Eren still owed him a shift one of these days.

 

(-)

 

She awoke to the sensation of something cool on her nose, not unlike the morning dew.

 

It was a nice thing to wake up to, until she realized it was something far less pleasant. It took her a few moments to register the slobber of the Titan shifter next to her, defiling her beloved scarf and making it to her nose. Suppressing a gasp, she gingerly escaped from his arms and sat up, wiping her sleeve across her face. Next, she removed her scarf, rubbing the contaminated area on her shirt for now. She made a mental note to wash it in the nearby stream later.

 

Propping herself up on one elbow, she used one end of the scarf to wipe the saliva off the sleeping boy's face, causing his cheeks to visibly twitch. She set aside the scarf for now, placing it beside her bedroll. After that, she tried to shake him awake, knowing he was probably late for his shift. An annoyed groan was his only response, much to her chagrin. Resorting to a more potent wake-up call, she boldly hovered over him and resolutely, passionately, deliberately pressed her lips to his.

 

Well, that did the trick.

 

She ended the lip-lock once he was fully awake, denoted by his hands on her back, "Good morning, you liar."

 

He brushed aside hair obscuring her face, revealing that small knowing smile of hers, "Huh? Barely got out of bed and I did something wrong already?"

 

"That's exactly it," she replied, running her fingers through his mop, "You were supposed to be up perhaps half an hour ago. I was very disappointed to wake up with you next to me."

 

"Well in that case, I'm glad to disappoint you—OW! Dammit!"

 

A little more forcefully than she intended, she _playfully_ kneed his side, "You selfish, inconsiderate prick. The last person on watch probably had to take your shift. Didn't think about that, did you?"

 

"I'm pretty sure it wouldn't kill Armin to stay up one extra hour."

 

"You're a terrible friend, Eren Jaeger."

 

"That's how I know my friends love me for real," said Eren with a cheeky smile.

 

Feeling her limbs strain a little bit, she rested her body weight on his chest, "Really? That's all you have to say?"

 

"That's not all. Wish to add that, since the last time I carried you, you got a lot heavier."

 

"Mhm. And what are you gonna do about it?" she replied, finding the crook of his neck rather comfortable to lie on.

 

Oblivious to her affectionate gesture and picking up the challenge in her voice instead, he replied, "Nothing much really, except—"

 

With a sudden movement, he pushed her to his side, careful all the while not to touch anything inappropriate. She landed on her side with an audible yelp, clearly taken by surprise.

 

"Except get back at you for that knee kick earlier. Ha! Gotcha! You didn't see that coming at all."

 

Despite the antic he pulled off, she found it difficult to stay cheesed off at him. For once, she saw him elated, free of all the world's worries and the personal rage he latched onto like a vise. Here he was, thrilled at something so silly as catching the girl he loved off guard for a prank. He was happy, and that fact in itself brought her joy in return.

 

"No, I suppose I didn't. And I love you."

 

His hand traveled to hers, by far his favorite thing in the world to hold, "Where did that come from?"

 

"I just want to be completely honest with you from now on, with how I feel and what I think. Life's too terribly short for things left unsaid."

 

"Then in that case, let me reaffirm what I said last night. They were anything but whimsical, and I meant everything I said."

 

Unimpressed, she felt a sly smile tug at the corners of her mouth, "Eren, is it really that hard to say the words? Never known you to beat around the bush."

 

"Alright, fine. I love you so much more, Mikasa Ackerman of the Survey Corps. There, now that there's no room for ambiguity, I demand a much deserved morning hug."

 

She lightly struck his shoulder with her palm before sitting up, "You've already had a year's worth of that. C'mon, time to get up. We'll be breaking our fast with the others soon..."

 

He picked that exact time to quietly sit up and embraced her from the side, planting a quick peck on her temple. Hands joined once more at her belly, they swayed inside their little tent, their rhythm dictated by the beat of their synchronized pulses. They both closed their eyes, content to let their moment last a little longer.

 

After a while, she broke the comfortable silence, "Five minutes. Then we go. Start thinking how to make it up to Armin."

 

"I can abide by that. Besides, I know you're perfectly capable of dragging me out there if I resist. Rather not chafe my skin against the sand."

 

She laughed softly at the amusing prospect of it, "You'd look like a schoolboy reluctant to attend the first day of—"

 

"Good morning, Mikasa!" blurted a new voice, "Oh, _wasn't at all expecting_ to find you here, Eren. Last I checked, this is a one-man tent."

 

"Armin!" the Titan shifter hissed, recoiling away from Mikasa. On the other hand, the young woman beside him hesitantly waved, feeling naked without the scarf hiding her reddening cheeks.

 

"Good morning, Armin," everything was completely normal, and Armin was her longtime friend too, "I was just telling Eren how irresponsible it was not to turn up for his watch."

 

"Everything's good, Eren and I can settle that later. Right now, we really have to join the others. The Captain values punctuality as much as he does hygiene. Don't take too long."

 

Before Eren could sputter anything decidedly stupid, his protector raised her voice, "You can count on that Armin. Five minutes, after we freshen up."

 

The blond nodded and closed the tent, leaving the two of them alone once more. Eren swore under his breath as he started putting on his boots, "Everything we've been through, and he's still a stickler for chickenshit rules. Why the hell do we still have to eat breakfast together like some group therapy session?"

 

"Really, Eren? You're mad at the thought of joining our comrades for breakfast? That it?"

 

"Not really mad," he replied, toning down and realizing her point, "I just don't get it why Heichou gets pissed if one of us isn't there. We're not trainees anymore, dammit. We're soldiers."

 

"Then maybe that's it—don't turn around, Eren."

 

"Oh, right. Sorry," he was abashed, clearly not having paid attention to the sound of sliding fabric, "Listen, I'll wait outside. I don't mean to—"

 

"No no, it's okay. I'm almost done. Anyway, going back. I think he's a stickler for this sort of thing precisely because we're soldiers. Levi isn't the sentimental type, but he does care for the squad. Even with fewer Titan encounters these days, we can't really tell when's the last time we'll have breakfast with a comrade, or when he's told his last tale around the campfire. I've grown to rather love the moments we're complete, if only to listen to their stories. 

 

"It feels like being part of a family again. Well, they're the closest we have to family besides the three of us."

 

Her words stopped him cold. Last night when the squad swapped tales about their plans in the future, he realized that he left too early not having heard hers. Little did Eren know she was not able to share hers, for she deemed it more important to check up on him. Nonetheless, the Titan shifter's hunch did not stray far from the truth— _she wants to be part of a family again once all this is over, one I cannot hope to be part of. Forgive me, Mikasa_.

 

Arms embracing him from behind, he was torn away from his morose train of thought.

 

"We can continue this later. Come, the others are waiting for us. Five minutes are nearly up."

 

"Nearly," he looked to face her head resting on his shoulder, the scarf now wrapped snugly around her neck. This, to which the young woman responded by ruffling his already messy mop then undoing the tent closure. Upon exiting the tent, they were greeted by an unusual overcast morning. A couple of paces away, the blond was waiting for them, engrossed in a small book he carried around with him.

 

"You two good to go? Great. This ought to be entertaining."

 


	7. Seven

"Nice of you brats to finally join us mere mortals. So Arlert, what've your pals been up to? Did the sun come up ahead of schedule for them?"

 

 _Oh don't you dare, Armin. And is the Captain really going to make a big deal out of this? Why can't we just have breakfast, dammit?_ Apparently, Eren's countenance betrayed his scathing thoughts—his protector inconspicuously elbowed him as the three of them sat down. Meanwhile, the rest of the squad ate their meals in silence. Connie and Sasha however, looked like they desperately trying to hold back laughter. The two would often snort in between spoonfuls of soup.

 

"Well Sir, I believe Eren could supply a better explanation."

 

Levi shifted his gaze to Eren, those deadpan eyes seemingly scrutinizing his every thought. _I'm gonna kill you, Armin._

 

"I... simply slept in Sir. Yesterday's been a long day, so I wasn't able to get up in time. I'll make it up to Armin by taking two of his shifts this week. Not that it matters but, the sun came up right on time today."

 

"Hmm," Heichou replied, letting the Titan shifter's insolence pass, "You'll take up Arlert's shift twice, and first watch on two more days. You're dead wrong if you thought you were off the hook. Do the dishes after we're done, and later tonight too. Pull that stunt again, I'll get a little more creative. And no Mikasa, come hell or high water, you can't protect your precious beau from me."

 

To which the girl calmly replied, ignoring the oohs escaping her friends and her reddening face, "Of course, Captain. I'm certain Eren wouldn't let it happen again. But I think it would only be fair to take half of his comeuppance. I didn't get up in—"

 

"If you think I forgot about you, you're mistaken too. But before I get to that, I'm curious. You've never been tardy for anything before, and this one time that you are, Jaeger's late too. Funny coincidence. Care to explain what's going on?"

 

 _Fucking checkmate. How is she getting out of this pickle?_ The Titan shifter thought.

 

"No Sir," replied the other Ackerman, leveling with his tone, "As you said, it was a coincidence. Fortuitously enough, we both slept in, worn out by the day. That is all."

 

At that point, no one dared to make a sound save the innocuous slurping of soup. Not even the usually bold Connie let out a quip; he valued keeping his head more than getting a kick out of the tense atmosphere. It was never wise to piss off one Ackerman, let alone two.

 

Though it was borderline insubordination, the Captain on the other hand appreciated how she held her ground. He would never tell her of course, but he did not expect anything less from someone who bore the same surname he did.

 

"Mhm, trust me, it better be. Now on to more pressing matters. We're expecting a new batch of recruits to arrive the day after tomorrow. After we cap off the mapping mission today, we'll be spending the entire day tomorrow setting up simple Titan dummies, similar to the ones you had in your trainee days. Workers and the supplies are expected to reach us by tomorrow at sunup. These carpenters will assist us in constructing the said dummies."

 

"Where would the training grounds be, Sir? In the woods? Not sure if I like the sound of that," Armin asked.

 

"That's right, Arlert. We'll only take up the eastern region, which is nearest the camp. That way, in case something goes wrong, we're not terribly deep in the forest. Off the record—I'm personally against this training exercise, especially since we're dealing with green trainees in an area we haven't fully secured yet. But since we didn't encounter any Titans yesterday, Hangi decided to give it a go. 'Treat it as the kids' first on-the-job-training session.' Fine.

 

"This is where your punishment comes in, Mikasa. You will help me train these eager boys and girls. Not asking you to show off what only you can do, we'll save that for later. First and foremost, I want you to teach these kids to stay alive. Evasive maneuvers, conserving gas, how to use the ODMs as efficiently as possible, maximizing cutting while minimizing the danger of being grabbed. That sort of thing."

 

"Yes, Heichou."

 

"Good," the Captain got up, dusting off his crisp white trousers, "Once you brats are done, turn over everything to Jaeger. Anyone who lends him a hand is asking for trouble. I'm off to see our dear Commander, poring over all your reports most likely. Get ready all of you; we set off in half an hour at the most."

 

Once Levi left, everyone breathed a little easier, no longer fearing for their lives. Unsurprisingly, Connie was the one who broke the silence.

 

"Oi Mikasa, is that really what happened? It is kinda unlike you to wake up late, and Eren usually isn't too."

 

The Titan shifter swore under his breath after finishing his soup. _Why the hell can't they just drop this? Have they run out of blasted campfire stories or bloody plans for the future?_

 

"Actually, Eren dropped by last night. The evening got chilly, so I asked him to stay for a while. Nightmares also aren't near anywhere as bad when he's with me."

 

_What the actual fu... Really? You absolutely had to tell them now?_

 

"So Eren spent the—"

 

"Yes, I did," said Eren, snatching Connie's empty bowl after collecting the others,' "And no Connie, nothing happened you twit! We used to spend the night together as children. End of discussion."

 

"Hey, take it easy man! I wasn't implying anything! Furthermore, hard as it may be for you to believe, but I don't think or talk ill of my friends."

 

"Yeah right," mumbled the offended party as he made his way to the stream, bowls in tow.

 

(-)

 

The Titan shifter was halfway done with his task when he heard soft, padded footsteps approaching him. He did not need to turn around to know who it was. His current foul mood getting the better of him, he lashed out before his visitor could get the chance to talk.

 

"What is it now? Gonna protect my fragile hands from these dastardly bowls?"

 

"I don't intend to. Listen, Eren. You didn't have to go ballistic at Connie earlier. That was uncalled for."

 

"No, you listen," he retorted, dropping the bowls on a wooden tray and turning abruptly to face her, "What's uncalled for was you spilling the beans just like that. Last night, I've had my first peaceful sleep in weeks, and it was great. But did you really have to tell them this early?"

 

"Eren, I don't really see the problem here. They're our friends, not strangers who talk behind our backs when we aren't around. Also, it's not as if we did anything wrong."

 

"I get that, but did they really have to know about my dropping by? They might get ideas that we're up to something, and I don't want that."

 

"They won't, and it's not about whether they have to know or not but..."

 

 _Rather to let them know that I'm yours, and you're mine_ , she did not say. Pondering on those words, she referred not to ownership or possessiveness, but belonging. The latter conveyed the meaning of the unsaid revelation perfectly.

 

"... to let them know that it's normal for you to drop by, ever since we were young and even until now."

 

"That's stupid! What the hell were you thinking? However you look at it, they did not need to know that."

 

"Okay, just calm down. It isn't the end of the world, Eren."

 

He turned on his heel, venting his frustration on the remaining unwashed bowls and scrubbed them vigorously, "Yeah, downplay your flub with the worst that could happen—the end of the world. Brilliant thinking, that."

 

She shut her eyes, holding back tears she thought indicated weakness, "You know what, no. I thought... after what we said last night... I can't let you do this again to me. We'll talk when you're a little more levelheaded."

 

He turned around to raise a question, but she was already walking away, "What did you mean by that? Mikasa?"

 

Without slowing her gait, she replied, "Finish your work, Eren. I'll catch you later."

 

"Mikasa, wait!"

 

She did not.

 


	8. Eight

Several hours into their mapping mission, they were greeted by steady rain. Mist had settled in not long after, severely limiting their visibility to no more than five meters ahead of them. Lest their notes be drenched, Eren and Armin decided to take cover in an area most densely packed with trees. Water still seeped through, but fortunately, their newly issued cloaks were water-resistant. They intended to wait the rain out, but it showed no signs of abating. Nightfall was creeping on them.

 

"So," Armin had to raise his voice above the sound of rain, "I didn't eavesdrop, but I take it that her long face earlier this morning wasn't a good sign."

 

Eren, on the other hand, did not have to raise his, "You've become an expert sleuth, Armin. Any other brilliant deductions you have up your sleeve? The identity of the Armored Titan perhaps, or vital information that Annie refuses to share with anyone?"

 

"Those too and that you did something stupid once more, which must be doubly disappointing for her after making love last night no less."

 

Eren got up from the tree they were resting against, as if stung by a bee, "What the—you! Armin! Of all people!? See, this is what I kept telling her. Our comrades will imagine all sorts of things when in fact nothing happened. I don't want that on us, dammit!"

 

"Relax Eren, it was a joke. And I believe you. Can you get a grip? Loosen up. Our friends won't start thinking ill of you guys. I know them, Eren. Maybe you should be trusting of other folks a little bit more."

 

"Oh just drop it..." then and there, something faint through the mist caught the Titan shifter's eye.

 

Armin did not like what he read on the other boy's face, "Eren, what is it? See something?"

 

"Get to your mount, Armin. That flare came from the western region of these blasted woods. Mikasa and Jean ran into something."

 

True enough, a faint red signature traced across the sky, miraculously cutting through the thick mist. As the two mounted their stallions, Armin held his friend's shoulder, "Eren, we should head northeast. With this bloody mist, they'll be long gone from the flare's origin by the time we get there."

 

"What if they need our help!? If anything happens to her—"

 

"They'll be fine Eren, and you and I both know Mikasa's got this. But right now, we have to trust the Captain's judgment. They'll make it, Eren."

 

Wrestling with the whirlwind of emotions brewing inside him, he reluctantly agreed, "Alright! Let's move! I'm not sparing this horse!"

 

"Just mind the low visibility, Eren. And keep an eye out for the green flare."

 

The faint glow of the green flare could be made out in the murky horizon not long after. They galloped as fast as their horses could manage, hoping to reach the Cleaning Point in time. They both knew the Coordinate ability would render combat evadable, effectively ensuring everyone's survival. Nonetheless, they still had to contend with heavy, unremitting rainfall and that dastardly mist. The two were compelled to slow down their pace after nearly running into trees several times. If that were not enough, daylight was also fading fast.

 

After riding for what felt like hours (the seed of dread played hell with Eren's perception of time), they heard a shrill whistle in the treetops above them. It was the Commander. After tethering their horses to a nearby tree, Eren and Armin ascended to Hangi's position, ignoring rain that slapped their faces and drenched their trousers.

 

They found Hangi perched on a thick branch. Though it probably did little good, she was looking westwards, where the red flare was fired. What she said next sent an ominous chill down Eren's spine.

 

"It's good you two are here. Everyone's in position except for the west team. Have you seen Jean and Mikasa?"

 

_It can't be. They're supposed to be here by now. What's taking so long, Mika?_

 

Armin answered for him, "Negative, Commander. Low visibility prevented us from pinpointing their dynamic position, let alone reaching it. Truth be told, with this weather, we were lucky enough to reach the Cleaning Point."

 

The Commander shook her head, "In that case, we have no other choice," she turned around to face Eren, and emphatically held his forearm, "Eren, I know you're worried about them, and especially Mikasa-san. But right now, our best course of action is to wait for them. Trust that they'll make it. If I lead the Scouts through this mist, we might end up doing more harm than good. Do you understand?"

 

Her reason cutting through his hysteria and reaching into the boy's rationality, Eren nodded. The dread settling in his belly sapped his confidence to speak.

 

The Commander turned to Armin next, "Armin, whatever happens, don't change for now. Under these circumstances, the Colossal Titan would be at a tactical disadvantage. We'll just have to trust Eren."

 

The strategist nodded, relieved at not having to transform just yet, "Yes, Sir."

 

And so they were subjected to the excruciating waiting game; biding their comrades on one hand, and hostiles on the other. Rainfall was clattering on leaves, trees, the soft soil beneath them, and yet there was complete silence around the Titan shifter. In straining to hear her voice, he registered nothing else, heard no other sound. His unrelenting anxiety was proving to be more lethal than the so-called Titan curse.

 

The enemy was the first to show.

 

The Titans appeared en masse, walking fast towards them. Almost as if they were relishing the feast that awaited them. Levi barked at the top of his lungs, "Now Eren! Use the Coordinate and send these bastards packing!"

 

Instinctively, Eren descended to ground level and placed himself between the incoming behemoths and his comrades. He focused on his task, setting aside his fear and worry for her, and the abnormals stopped in their tracks. Steady, like lapdogs awaiting their master's next order. Only matter was, Levi could already tell something was off; these Titans were supposed to scram, not linger.

 

"Eren, what are you waiting for?" the Captain called out, "Trying to recruit them to our cause? Get these bastards away from us!"

 

"I'm trying, Heichou," the Titan shifter replied, "They just won't budge! This never happened before!"

 

"Then hold them in place. I'm dispatching them one by one. The rest of you, stand by! Wait for my instructions! That includes you, four eyes. You can whine about my insubordination later."

 

The mist made it difficult to tell how many hostiles were present, and to move around with ODM gear. They could number anywhere from five to at least two dozen. The Captain had to be more methodical and calculating with where he shot his cables, slowing down his progress. Quickly maneuvering with ODM would be suicide under low visibility conditions. Levi took down three when his companions heard a man's voice calling out. He was distressed, howling like a hound who ran into a pack of wolves. Punctuating his calls were the familiar sounds of ODM gear. For whatever reason, Jean lost his mount.

 

And for whatever reason, he came _alone_.

 

Out of breath by the time he reached the Commander's perch, he could only tell so much "I... I'm sorry, Commander. She took them all on. She said that one of us had to make it."

 

 _Listening_ 40 meters below on the ground, the Titan shifter heard everything. Eren, the same Eren who told her never to give up and to keep fighting whatever happens, was brought down on his knees. He did not shed any tears; there was simply nothing. As his mind slowly registered that Mikasa was no more, so was the rest of him pulled into the void. Willpower, hope, prudence—all of these slowly faded into nothingness.

 

All he had left was the potent concoction of rage and sorrow, the most intoxicating substances known to mankind.

 

As the Coordinate effect on them weakened, the Titans took small steps towards the lone prostrate figure on the ground. The Captain took down the three closest to Eren, roaring to him all the while to _keep the fuckers frozen in place_. Deaf to anything else however, Eren set about on a new mission, seemingly having slipped into utter madness.

 

He was going to make them give her back.

 

The Coordinate effect having crumbled along with his temperance, her killers sprinted towards him with remarkable speed, even for abnormals. The Titan shifter bit deep, nearly chomping his hand in half, but he cared for very little at that point—least of all a mutilated hand. The expected flash and thunder of a Titan transformation stunned everything around for a second, and that was all he needed.

 

The silence was replaced by the loudest roar he could muster.

 

The first to fall took a hardened fist squarely on the face, its head disintegrating on impact. A follow-up hammer fist to the stump destroyed its nape. Before his first kill could collapse, three were already on him, and others were fast approaching. He had not taken on this many combatants for as long as he could remember. But that was not all—he could hear his friends all around him fighting for him. Dying for him—all because he screwed up the Coordinate ability.

 

 _You're not taking anyone else today_.

 

In a heartbeat, all three were shoved away, giving him some breathing room. His bite wounds healed faster than they usually did, something he did not notice right away. The one on his left had its nape destroyed from the front, hardened fingers smashing its chest quite easily. He ducked beneath another one's flailing arms, and shoulder-rammed the abnormal hard, sending it crashing against two more Titans. From then on, it was just a matter of trampling their exposed napes. Which he generously supplied.

 

The enemy did not let up. Pivoting on his heel, he sidestepped a charging Titan, threw it to the ground, and stomped its nape. When another drove went for him, he took all five of them on. Hitting, dodging, tossing, making excellent use of his reach advantage and using their numbers against them. He was a wraith striking with the force of a hurricane, dealing lethal blows left and right while never staying in one spot too long. Incredible reaction time somewhat help offset the hellish, poor visibility; he always had something ready once a threat was within arm's reach.

 

In their own way, the towering trees aided him. He took down at least two by grabbing an arm or neck and shoving the head against the trunk, finishing them off. One of them had the audacity to climb a tree and take Eren down from above. The Titan shifter caught the adventurous one and tossed it back to the same tree, crushing its nape upon impact.

 

"I'm out of gas! I can't get off the ground!"

 

Without hesitation, the Titan shifter ran to the source of the voice, efficiently dispatching any Titan that stood in his way. In one graceful movement, he scooped up Connie from the ground with his left hand, and proceeded to fight one-handed.

 

_I said stay away from them! Stick with me, you bastards!_

 

He whirled all around him, utilizing a barrage of kicks, knees, and punches—all while protecting a comrade in one of his hands.

 

_Pay close attention to what I do, as thoroughly as your base animalistic minds allow._

 

His fist went through the Titan in front of him; simultaneously, the arm occupied with Connie elbowed one behind Eren, right before he turned around and his fist repeated what it does best.

 

_This is her technique. This is how she fought. You cannot take her away—she’s part of me!_

 

Another two were not any luckier. When two came on either side of him, he stepped away from the line of attack and shoved one to crash against the other, creating a sickening crunching sound. Once more, his hardened fist easily penetrated the two Titans pressed together.

 

_Die at the power of the one you slew. Give her back, you fuckers!_

 

When only a few of the enemy were left standing, Sasha leapt to the Titan shifter's forearm and picked Connie up, displaying remarkable strength that belied her petite figure. _Not unlike Mikasa during those moments she hefted me up too_ , he thought morosely. He pushed those thoughts away from now. Now Eren could finally concentrate on cleaning up.

 

Unbeknownst to him, Hangi was closely observing his Titan form from the treetops. It was difficult to tell, and her eyes could be fooling her, but the Titan shifter seemed taller than normal. This particular transformation yielded a form no shorter than 18 meters. In addition, fairly major injuries that took him a minute to heal before now regenerated in a matter of seconds. Could these be actual features of the Attack Titan that manifest only now?

 

That was not all. Eren was simply walking towards the remaining abnormals, seemingly having gassed himself out. What's strange however, is how the three or so abnormals were taking it. They were exhibiting never before documented Titan behavior—fear. Under normal circumstances, the abnormals would have lunged at him without second thought nor regard for self-preservation.

 

It all happened so fast. In the blink of an eye, all three abnormals were dropped, never to rise again. The Titan shifter let out a blood-curdling roar, apparently calling and challenging any abnormals that were left.

 

Several minutes passed. None came. They had won.

 

The Commander checked her men. Miraculously, none of them were seriously hurt. Connie was a little shaken, but would otherwise be fine. Sasha was silent as a mouse, like she often was after every firefight. Levi had not changed one bit, telling her to check on the others, not him. Armin told the Commander he was alright, but it was impossible not to see the grief in his eyes. Jean put on a brave face, though losing a comrade clearly took a bigger toll on him than the recent battle.

 

Witnessing the others' sorrow, she could only imagine what Eren was going through right now.

 

Speaking of Eren, the Titan shifter had not left his Titan form yet. He was kneeling by the fallen abnormals splitting their abdomens open, as if looking for something. Or someone. The Commander landed on his massive shoulder, once more trying to talk sense to the grieving boy.

 

_Give her back! She isn't gone! That just can't be._

 

"Eren, I'm so sorry.... But Mikasa's no more. There's nothing else we could do here."

 

The Attack Titan hunched forward a bit, and Eren emerged from its nape, the characteristic Titan sinews still attached to his cheeks. Rainfall fell on his exposed, fatigued body immediately, chilling him to the bone.

 

"There's... there's not even a body to bury. I can't see her face one last time, or lay her bones to rest. The bastards took everything. Like they took my home, my Mom, our comrades."

 

Even as he said those words, a small spark of hope yet remained in him. Part of him believed she was still out there, fighting for survival. Barely hanging on, but very much alive. He knew that if there was someone who could make it through impossible odds, it would have been her. Nothing could have been more tantalizing, but he clung to the small sliver of hope like a madman clutching at the last vestiges of sanity.

 

"Eren," the blonde boy landed on his other shoulder, a look of determination shining in his eyes, "I'll help you look for her tomorrow at dawn, after the storm passes. But right now, we're in no condition to conduct a search-and-recov—rescue operation. Everyone's gassed out, the two horses we have left won't last long in this weather, and daylight's on its last legs."

 

"Armin's right, Eren," the Commander asserted, "We're not even sure if the area's clear of Titans. I'll only be risking their lives tonight."

 

"Then don't, Commander," replied the Titan shifter, who was surprisingly calm, "None of you have to. I know it's asking for a lot, but I need to set out for her tonight on my own. I wasn't there when she was attacked. Let me be there for her now. If she... if she's gone, then I must bury her. I'll not allow wild animals to pick away at her remains."

 

Hangi was silent for a moment. Eren was certain she would deny his request, right until her next words belied his suspicions.

 

"Will you venture out in your Titan form, or on horseback?"

 

"I'll set out in the Attack Titan, Commander. I'd cover ground more quickly that way. I can't begin to tell you how torn I feel right now, but I haven't eliminated the possibility that she's still alive. If that's the case, I need to get there before infection festers in her wounds."

 

"So you'll need the powerful lamp and some medical supplies."

 

"We have those in the saddlebags," Armin quipped, "I'll get them for you."

 

"If there's anything else you need, tell Armin. You have my permission to set out. I'll be telling the others to head back to camp. Just promise me one thing Eren. Whatever happens, whatever you see out there, come back to us. We'll be waiting for you. Promise me that, Eren."

 

From her words, Eren knew—the Commander did not believe she was still alive. The medical supplies were the grieving boy's hope and solace, not the missing girl's necessity. For this, he neither judged nor resented her.

 

"I do. You have my word, Commander. Thank you."

 

After a few moments, Armin returned with his provisions and more in fact. The blond added rope to the powerful lamp, allowing it to be looped around the Attack Titan's neck. Armin brought him a blade in a leather sheath as well, without the cumbersome ODM gear. The medical supplies on the other hand, could be stored inside the Titan's "cockpit" so to speak. Besides the first ever piece of illuminating Titan jewelry and a first aid pack, Armin delivered a large canteen of water and vital information as well.

 

"I talked with Jean, and he recalled some helpful landmarks in the area where they split up. He said that there was a cave system just a few meters north of the area. They parted by a small hill, and the cave was at the foot of the said hill. When he looked back, he also remembered seeing some dead trees, apparently struck by lightning many years ago. It's not a lot to go on Eren, but it's still better than nothing."

 

"Agreed. Thank you Armin, for everything," said the Titan shifter, repeating his words the other night, "One more thing. Tell Jean that it's okay, that what happened isn't on him. Tell him that for me, Armin."

 

"I will. But that... that wasn't all actually. I pondered for a while whether or not to tell you. But I guess it wouldn't be right to protect you from the truth, even if it brings pain."

 

"I'm in a hurry, Armin. Get to the point."

 

"Very well. Before they split up, Mikasa asked Jean to tell you something. She told you to live well, and that—"

 

"I've heard enough," said the Titan shifter, grateful for the rainfall masking his steady stream of tears, "That's enough Armin. I must set off."

 

"Are you sure, Eren? She would've wanted you to know this."

 

"I'm sure, and I said enough. Now get off my fucking shoulder," though the stubbornness was there, it lacked the usual bite of his remarks.

 

"As you wish. Godspeed, Eren. May you find your way back home."


	9. Nine

"I gotta admit, that wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done. You shouldn't have let him go."

The Commander's tent was relatively spacious compared to the other Scouts' one-man tents. Fortunately, all their tents were crafted with water-resistant materials, affording them the privilege of sleeping dry that night despite the weather. The interior was about as large as a soldier's proper quarters, allowing occupants to walk around upright. The sparsely decorated interior, however, reflected Hangi's preference of space over luxury; furniture consisted of only a bedroll in one corner, a chair, and a table with a lamp, neatly stacked reports and unfinished maps. While Hangi occupied the chair, the Captain stood in one corner, crossing his arms before him.

"It might kill him to stay here while his mind insists that she could still be out there," the Commander replied, the lamp behind her casting her face in shadow, "I saw his face. I didn't have the heart to turn him down."

"Fucking sentiment," Levi murmured, "You're the Commander of the most elite military branch, not a moderator of some self-esteem therapy club. I just lost my best soldier, and now you send one of the only two Titan shifters the Survey Corps has deep into barely charted territory with zero daylight left? Are you out of your fucking nut?"

Hangi straightened in her seat, "I don't need your permission Levi, and I don't expect you to understand. Mikasa may be nothing more than a valuable asset to you, but she could mean the world to Eren for all we know—"

"You're damn right I don't understand. Eren is a major equalizer of the Survey Corps against the enemy, and recently Arlert as well. If we were to lose him, because heaven knows if we took out every last Titan in the area, to call that a setback would be an understatement. Inconsistent as it might be, the ability to control the enemy will turn the tide of the war. Bottomline, personal feelings were assigned greater importance than duty. Accountability falls on him, and you who expressed consent. But you know what, that shit flies out the window if we lose Eren anyway."

"If Petra were alive and you found yourself in the same—"

"You just hit thin ice, Commander. Drop it while you still can."

"Then have a little more empathy for the boy, will you? That's what Eren is going through right now. That's what he feels."

"And what do you think he'll feel," he spat out the last word like venom, "when he arrives at the realization that she's very much dead? Go ahead, keep on babying your soldiers. From what we've seen, of course we know Eren to be the prudent type: he doesn't give in to his emotions nor does he act impetuously. What could possibly go wrong? Am I making sense? Didn't think that through, did you?"

"Alright, fine. I didn't. You don't have to rub it in."

"That's what you're worried about right now? Me rubbing it in your spineless ass?"

A new voice filled the room, "Good evening, Commander. Forgive my boorishness, but may I speak with you for a moment?"

Hangi saw Jean part the tent closure, head tentatively peeking in. She motioned the boy to enter, not minding his dripping form soaking a portion of the tent inside. It seems even the sky was mourning their loss, refusing to cease its weeping. Jean saluted, and the Commander waved it aside.

"At ease. I have no problem with that Jean. Do you want the midget here to leave?"

He gave a tired smile at the Commander's banter, "That wouldn't be necessary, Sir. Come to think of it, I would like to request a bit of the Captain's time as well, as it concerns his family."

Retaining his usual blank face, Levi nodded, prompting Jean to get to the point.

"Armin told me that before Eren left, the latter wished to tell me something. Eren said that it wasn't on me, that I wasn't to blame. However, it just feels the exact opposite. She lost her life because of me, that much I know."

Hangi stood up, grasping the boy's forearm. There she goes again, Levi thought.

"Listen, if it's about the incident report, that can wait until tomorrow. Get some rest, Jean."

"With all due respect Commander, rest is the last thing I need right now. I must tell you the truth of what happened."

"Very well. We're all ears."

His superiors remained silent as he collected his thoughts, and for that he was grateful.

Both Levi and Hangi knew that Jean was not the sentimental type, and that's how they also knew how severely this incident scarred him. Even as he calmly recollected how she gave her spare gas canisters to him and how she held them off, the lingering pain and remorse were evident in his voice, lacing his every word. Eren and Armin weren't the only ones visibly shaken by her sacrifice; it took its toll on all of them, particularly the one who was saved.

Painful as it was, Jean went on, painting her in the brightest light possible without straying from the truth. It was as if there were two Mikasas, and he wanted to immortalize both of them. The first was the one who laid her life down for a comrade, valiantly felling Titans left and right until their sheer numbers overwhelmed her. The second one was the Mikasa he grew to love and admire as a dear friend, a constant wellspring of strength to those around her. Even as he neared the end of his account, his enthusiasm in sharing her final tale never wavered.

Which was all nice and heartwarming until Levi abruptly seized his collar.

"Damn right she sacrificed herself for your sorry ass, so let's get one thing straight," the Captain thought he presented his usual emotionless stare, but he was wrong. Unfazed by the shorter man's action, Jean saw through Levi just as he saw through Mikasa before he left her, and the similarities were astounding. Beneath their masks accumulated so much... sorrow.

"You owe it to her to make the most out of your remaining years, and survivor's guilt doesn't fit in the equation. At some point, every soldier is alive because one comrade shoved him away from the reaper's sickle. We all signed up for this, and we all have to live with it. So suck it up, Kirschtein. If I catch you hitting the hooch or acting all sorry for yourself, I swear."

"I'll do nothing of that sort, Captain. And with what time I have left... I'll earn it. That is all, Sir."

"Good. Dismissed."

The boy saluted before exiting the tent, leaving Levi and Hangi alone once more.

"See, Four-eyes?" said Levi, slapping Hangi's shoulder, "That's how it's done. The day I start coddling my soldiers is also the day I give up the vision of a clean world. Someone had to give it to him straight."

The Commander returned to her seat, resting her elbows on her knees, "You do your thing, and I go with mine, Levi. I have my reasons."

"Please, enlighten me. What could be the reasons behind needlessly putting our beloved Titan shifter at risk? What, it's not enough for humanity to lose one of its best soldiers, perhaps the last family I've got? Must we lose Eren too so things don't get terribly easy?"

"Eren will come back to us, Levi. And I don't have to tell you my reasons. Not up for discussion."

"Because there wouldn't be much to discuss, anyway. He better come back. Not for the sake of either of us, but for humankind. One last thing before I get out of your hair—what about the training of the fresh recruits the day after tomorrow? We still pushing through with that?"

"Yes. After a simple funeral service in the morning, life must go on. We'll set up the dummies along the eastern region as planned. When the rookies arrive, I'll assign personnel to secure a perimeter around the training area, constantly on the lookout for threats. At the first sign of trouble, we'll abort the training exercise."

"Fine, sounds reasonable enough. None of those kids are getting killed on my watch. Anything else we should talk about?"

"Just one more thing. I'm sorry for thinking that you regard her as nothing more than a military asset. She must mean far more than that to you."

"She is—was a valuable fighting asset. That is a fact. What I think doesn't matter. Now if that's all, sleep tight, Commander."

He brusquely walked out of the tent, ignoring the way she called out his name or the rainfall that drenched his uniform, which he usually loathed. With his comrades none the wiser, humanity's strongest soldier entered his own tent, shut the tent closure, and uncharacteristically wept.

(-)

After roughly six hours of searching, going circles, and wandering in the dark, that incident marked the longest time he remained in his Titan form. Whether or not the conjectures about prolonged Titan transformations were true, one thing was certain—with each step he took, he felt less and less like himself. The once clear goal in his mind to find signs of her were gradually replaced by primal proclivities. He became irritable, becoming more like a Titan and less like a Titan shifter. Why the hell did those bastards have to show up and ruin everything? Why can't I find that damn cave Jean mentioned?

Why can't she just come back to me already?!

Because she is no more, he knew deep within. After six long hours, his Titan form stood still and leaned against a tree. The false hope that carried him up until this point served no other purpose than to cover a phantom pain, a loss that took a bigger chunk of his soul than he could fathom. Believing that she was alive, that she somehow survived the Titan onslaught on her own with but a few scratches, was the gem he held close to his chest. He wanted to believe, and that's where it starts. Madness only ever sets in when a man has difficulty reconciling what he desires with what in fact is.

He had every opportunity to succumb into the dark, and yet he held on.

Precipitation, which halted a few hours ago, poured anew. Once more, he exited his Titan form, feeling the rain drench his clothing and fill the countless holes drilled into him as he looked up. In his hour of loneliness, one soul came to his mind.

I wasn't there for her, Mom. I broke my promise to you. I failed to be strong for her, just like I failed you that day. This can never make up for it... but this I now know. All that's left is to do what I can for what remains. My friends—no, my family—needs me, and I can't end this sorry life knowing the harm I'll bring or the mission I've yet to finish. It's... just so damn hard, Mom.

Cast away by reverie, he did not notice his faithful Attack Titan teetering forward before it was too late.

"Oh, shit. Don't you fu—NOOOOO!"

The Titan fell flat on its face, and the Titan shifter did not fare at all better. Both were out cold.


	10. Ten

_Several hours ago_

 

Being denied the sight of his smiling face one last time—that would be one of her few regrets.

 

Yet Mikasa knew there was no other way. Either of them carried only so much gas in their ODM gear, certainly not enough to reach the Cleaning Point. They also learned the hard way there was no escaping these abnormals on horseback; they narrowly escaped with their lives when they bailed out at the last moment. Sticking to the treetops was not completely safe either; these deviants were adept _climbers_ , something they only thought possible with the Dancing Titan and Beast Titan.

 

"Jean!" she called out to her partner in the heavy mist, still affected by his ankle injury as he maneuvered from tree to tree, "Listen up. Neither of us has enough gas to reach the others. But with my spare canisters, you just might make it. We'll have to take the risk."

 

"What?" he replied, catching his breath in between swings, "No deal! I'm not leaving you behind. And Eren'll kill me if I return without you."

 

She landed on a thick tree branch, and motioned him to do the same. When he did, she brusquely seized his jacket collar, catching him by surprise. Jean clearly had a knack for getting grabbed by an Ackerman, and twice on the same day no less. He was met with the familiar steely gaze of hers; he knew at once it was a facade. Her wide-open eyes leaked pain, regret, anger, and fear. _What could she be possibly afraid of?_

 

"We have a minute at most before they catch up, so listen carefully. Only _one_ of us can make it, and it's gonna be you, Jean. I'm the better soldier here, and I can keep them busy longer enough to cover your escape. Stay with me, and we both die. Turn back for me, try to be a hero—we both die. Understand?"

 

Her grip on his garb tightened, ramming home the gravity of her words, "I understand, Mikasa."

 

"When you get there, tell the Commander that I'm sorry. And tell Eren this..."

 

She carefully told him her parting message to the Titan shifter, and Jean nodded. Taking her spare canisters, the two bid farewell one last time, just as heavy footsteps could be made out once more. Acting on instinct, she dove like a bird of prey, dispatching the first abnormal that came her way. Returning to her perch, she quickly checked her remaining gas before hostiles start pouring in. While nowhere near critical levels yet, she would not be able to hold them off as long as she wanted. Coupled with the low visibility and hefty number of abnormals, charging like a bull would only get her killed quickly. She needed to sting like a bee, attacking the threats methodically and keeping them running in confused circles. She needed to buy Jean a lot of time.

 

Not even she could win against them all, so her goal was simple: _not to lose_ for as long as possible.

 

A second, third and fourth one went down without much of a problem, despite the bastards' speed. At the moment, her gear and skill allowed her to be a hair faster than the enemy. She knew that some Titans were probably slipping past her, but there was little she could do about that. She just needed the bulk of the enemy forces to beleaguer her. She often yelled every now and then to attract them.

 

As more Titans surrounded Mikasa, her fifth kill required a bit more finesse. She missed her target, flinching forward and sustaining only surface wounds from her blades. She narrowly escaped being grabbed by another one hiding behind a tree. She swore under her breath. That one nearly had her. Swinging around a tree and conserving her momentum, the flinching Titan was too slow this time. By the time her body count reached five, thrice that number had taken the fallen's place.

 

It felt like hours, though she reckoned the struggle had been raging just shy of an hour. As the kill count went up, so did the close calls. She was already grabbed by an abnormal once, tearing away only thanks to weapons she kept close to her and sheer, brute strength. Her last blades saved her, and left a mark on her as well. The giant hand that closed around her pushed the steel to bite into her shoulder, leaving a shallow cut. She did not have time to check for injuries though. She could still fight, wrestling with fatigue about as much as she did with the man-eaters.

 

Skill could only take her so far; her luck had to eventually run out. And it did.

 

The persistent mist rendered the use of the ODM gear half a guessing game. Each time she shot her cables over longer distances, she had to trust that both ends will find their marks. On one occasion however, her cables bit into a tree closer than she anticipated. She soared forward with more speed than she intended and her legs hit the tree bark, making a sickening crunching sound.

 

To make matters far worse, the impact was strong enough to dislodge her cables, causing her to free fall twenty feet above the ground. Bushes at the foot of the tree somewhat cushioned her fall, but not by much. Her fighting spirit screamed at her to get up and keep fighting, but every fiber in her body begged to differ. Limbs outright refused to listen, and she was bleeding in areas she had not checked yet. Not that it mattered, for the suffering would soon be over, she thought. As she laid on the forest floor dying and surrounded, life played the cruel taunter. In her mind flashed that which has gone, that which is not, and that which shall never come to be. In mere split seconds, brought to life was the childhood with the boy she loved; the beautiful night when their souls and not their bodies lied naked next to one another; the future of a family that could never be theirs. She heard his voice at the end, yelling at her once more to pick up the sword and fight. _Get the fuck back up, dammit! Fight. Fight. FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!_

 

_Forgive me, Eren. I have done all I could. Please don't forget me, and live well._

 

Right until she lost consciousness, she paid no heed to the Titans approaching her, engrossed in the surreal reality of her own mind. Her fading senses barely even recognized the distinct thunder and brilliant glow of a Titan transformation some way off.

 

(-)

 

_Present time_

 

He knew that he was dreaming, but not even that made it any less real nor petrifying.

 

Nightmares were not new to him, but this particular one was different. He could control his actions to a certain extent. However, the semblance of choice and action seemed only to mock, and not empower. He was taken back to the Ackerman home all those years ago. Only this time, he approached the house as a young man, armed with the Survey Corps' characteristic twin blades.

 

He did not bother knocking but instead forced the door open, well aware of the threats waiting on the other side. The first bandit turned to face him, clearly surprised and drew his dagger a split-second too late. Eren knew exactly where the bastard would stand and how he would react, like a spectator who saw the same play one too many times. As if of its own accord, one of Eren's swords flew from its sheath and sang the final tune the bandit would ever hear. The blade glided across the man's hairy neck like a hot knife through butter, killing him before head or body fell to the floor.

 

The second cutthroat came after him with a spear, but Eren remembered this unusually vividly as well. In a single fluid movement, he parried the spear thrust to his right and murderously ran the man through to the hilt. He released the handle afterwards, leaving the blade lodged in the man's torso. The cutthroat stared in confusion at the weapon handle protruding from his chest before doubling over and dying.

 

He stepped out of the hallway and into the empty room; at once he could tell that something was off. Before he could put his finger on it, precognition abandoned his dream self. Catching him by surprise, the third bandit jumped him from behind and sunk a knife into his shoulder. In response, he wheeled around, shoving the man off balance and attacking with his second weapon, barring no holds.

 

A single, devastating slash would have been enough, but Eren did not stop at one. He tirelessly hacked and wailed despite his own stab wound, once more lost in the frenzy of rage and retaliation. When the shredded man finally dropped dead, Eren felt neither satisfaction nor remorse.

 

There was only the ever deepening chasm within him.

 

He stood in the room for what felt like hours. Only when the sun's rays shone on a door previously veiled in shadow did he look up, shaken from his self-pitying stupor. Somehow, though he never witnessed this before, he knew with absolute certainty that Mikasa was behind that door. She had to be. Without second thought, he rushed to open the door, adamant to see her safe and to hold her in his arms.

 

She was there, and yet the room felt empty and devoid of life. Her lifeless form remained unmoving, oblivious to the kneeling boy's tight embrace or hysterical crying. She was blind to his weeping face, deaf to his pleas of 'please don't' and callous to his warm touch. The girl was cold as ice, chilling even the deepest recesses of his hollow soul.

 

In the dream, he never felt so in control of his actions. And utterly powerless at the same time.

 

He awoke with a jolt, like a man stumbling into a cozy tavern after braving a thunderstorm outside for hours. Rainfall, now just a tad stronger than a drizzle, cooled his warm, sweaty face. When he sat up and opened his eyes, the sight before him was perplexing. The prone form of the Attack Titan was a few feet away from him; Eren did not recall crawling out of the behemoth. Judging from the rate of decomposition, he was unconscious for about an hour or two. He slowly began to register other details. The soil beneath him was moist and mushy. A green cloak was draped over his shoulders, but it was not his own, smelling far more fragrant. Tears began to freely stream from his eyes when his hand traveled to his neck, feeling the muffler he wrapped around a frightened girl who overcame her fears for him practically a lifetime ago.

 

 _If this is a dream, wake me up after forever and a day_ , he addressed to no one in particular.

 

But as fate took a break from playing fiendish hands, this was no dream. He held the hand of the bloody arm strewn across his lap and gingerly shook her shoulder with his other hand, praying she was still with him. _She had to be_. He was fully awake now, and fairly confident that utter madness had not taken over yet. Losing her once was harrowing enough. To let her slip a second, third, fourth time would be unthinkable.

 

"Mikasa... Mikasa, it's me. Wake up, dammit. Don't you fucking put me through this. Please just don't."

 

When she did not respond, he pushed fears of the worst to the back of his mind, letting his training take over. She was not quite out of the woods yet, literally and figuratively. He knelt beside her and pressed his thumb beneath her jawline, feeling a faint cadence. It was a weak pulse, but it was there. She was still holding on. Fighting for him through the pain. The chilly night be damned, he blanketed her with the green cloak and wrapped her scarf around the unusual sight of her bare neck. The last time he saw her not wearing the scarf was before the artifact even belonged to her.

 

 _I forgot to get her a new one_ , he thought. _She kept the damned thing all these years_.

 

Though it would not do any good, he leaned in to kiss her forehead anyway. He got to his feet with no small effort, his limbs protesting after several hours of inactivity. Now standing up, he slogged his way to the decomposing Attack Titan, hoping his provisions were still there and not taken by some nocturnal creature. Making his way around the oversized bones and remains of Titan flesh, he finally reached the nape cavity. He did not count on recovering the powerful lamp seeing how his Titan form fell face first, so he focused on recovering the medkit instead, groping in the darkness with only moonlight to aid his search. After several minutes, he found the leather satchel bag and his sword. The former felt bent around the corners, but Eren thought that the contents should be otherwise fine.

 

He slowly walked back to her. He stumbled twice, but got up each time. When he was kneeling by her side once more, he placed the satchel beside them, set the sword aside, and removed her cloak. As he recalled the procedures involved in first aid, he held her hand, helping him think more clearly. Until she squeezed back.

 

"Cold..." she muttered, tightening her grip. He let go of her hand for the time being, finding scissors, disinfectant cream, bandages, and medical tape from the satchel.

 

"I know, Mika. I know. Soon as I dress your wounds, I'll bring back the cloak. But I need you to tell me where you're hurt."

 

"Right shoulder, shallow cut," she breathed, though she was in fact unsure how grave the sword cut was. As the Titan shifter snipped the bloody fabric around the wound, she held his shoulder with her uninjured arm.

 

"Eren... wasn't what I meant earlier. The cloak... put it around you. Take the scarf too. Risk of hypothermia..."

 

"I'll be alright," he snapped, focused on his work, "Now just shut up and let me take care of you. For once."

 

"Eren," she was not about to let up, shaking his shoulder like a dinner bell. Thing was, he was not about to let up either. In an attempt to quiet her, he kissed her forehead once more, which was warmer than he anticipated. In addition to some blood loss, a fever might have been slowly setting in.

 

"No, you're not in a position to argue," he murmured, resuming his task, "Now we do this as a team. Let me work, and you just hang on there. Enough about me, already."

 

Soothed by his ministrations, she had little choice but to cede to his suggestion. With the fabric cut away, he applied the disinfectant cream next on her shoulder wound, hoping infection wasn't as worse as he imagined. The bandages came last, positioning them as gingerly as he could. As he began securing them with tape, she addressed him once more.

 

"This... this isn't a dream, is it? It's really you, and you came for me."

 

"No, no, it isn't," he replied reassuringly as he worked, "I was afraid of the same thing too, but I know we're both here. That much I know. I'm taking you home."

 

"I... I am home."

 

"No, you're not. That's the delirium talking. We're deep in the blasted woods, Mika."

 

"I'm home, Eren," she repeated, reaching to touch his face, "With you."

 

He leaned into her touch and placed a hand above hers, the tenderness between them gradually growing on him and dampening his usual brashness and propensity to explode.

 

"You lost some blood, so we'll set out after you get some more rest. Drizzle shouldn't stick around much longer. In the meantime, let me tend to your other wounds. Where else are you hurt?"

 

"Right leg. Took most of the impact when... I went too fast and fell. Misjudged distance... because of the mist earlier."

 

"Dammit, Mikasa," he quipped, blanketing her upper body with the green cloak, "Don't ever do this again. I think I have a splint here somewhere."

 

"I'm sorry... didn't have any other choice. Had to keep Titans busy to cover Jean's escape."

 

"I know that. I suppose I'm just restless that I wasn't there, that I didn't even get the chance to save you."

 

"You did. You did, Eren."

 

"I was far away from you at the time. What do you mean?"

 

By then, rainfall had thankfully, finally ceased. Despite the pain making it difficult to speak, she spoke of her _final moments_. At least that's what she thought of them at the time. Before she lost consciousness, she remembered hearing the thunderous crack of a Titan transformation, and the Titans that surrounded her must have detected it too. It was practically unheard of—Titans abandoning easy prey before them for some strange sound in the distance. It was however, the only way to explain her survival. After that, she was roused by the sound and tremor that reverberated from the fallen Attack Titan. Not wishing to worry him any further, she left out the bit about about painfully crawling to his location; hauling him out of the Titan carcass; balancing on one good leg as they sought shelter from the weather. Eren did not need to know that.

 

"Being a freak isn't so bad after all, if it means saving your life."

 

"You're not a freak, Eren. Stop thinking of that."

 

"Searching for you, that's exactly how I felt. I loathed myself, and for a time I hated the whole damn world, blaming it for taking you from me. The thought of losing you—it made me feel more monster than man. The monster was inside just as much as I was inside of it."

 

She held his hand once more, giving it a tight squeeze, "No monster would have saved me, come back for me... nor tended to my wounds. You're my home, my family, my love... and so much more than even all that. So Eren... cut the shit, please."

 

He brought her hand to his lips, managing a small smile at that, "If you say so, I believe you. But what I'm about to do next might change your opinion. This is gonna hurt, but I must set your leg back to its correct position. Ready?"

 

"Help me... sit up 'gainst this tree, first. Don't want to lie down anymore."

 

"Fine, but no sudden movements. Slowly now, Mika."

 

Against his better judgment, he eased her into sitting up, and her body betrayed the pangs that she would never complain to him about. The moonlight illuminated her face, enough to reveal knotted brows and gritted teeth. A subdued moan escaped her lips though she clearly did not want him to hear anything. Having tended to her a number of times before, Eren was well aware of Mikasa's high tolerance for pain, something he both admired and hated at the same time. It worried him how stiffly she kept everything bottled up inside.

 

"Don't fret now, I know what I'm doing," he positioned himself beside her, finding her hand beneath the cloak draped over her.

 

"It's okay, Eren. I trust you."

 

"I know. Bite into this rag—good. Grab on to my arm as well. It's fine, alright? However hard you squeeze, I can take it. If you pop my arm off, I’ll just grow a new one. You're not in this alone. Now, on count of three. One. Two. Three."

 

On three, a horrid crack could be heard followed by a stifled whimper; Eren could not be certain whether the latter noise came from him or Mikasa. With her grip on his arm stronger than he anticipated, he wasted no time securing the splint on her leg. He could not afford a half-baked procedure; the splint had to stay secure as they return to the camp.

 

He turned his attention back on her; eyes were shut and she was breathing quite rapidly. Winging it from that point, he gingerly removed the rag from her mouth and let his lips take its place. Her lips were chapped and the smell of blood tinged the air, but the Titan shifter minded not those petty things. She reciprocated the action rather easily and naturally.

 

"I know it hurts Mika, but you're stronger than this," their foreheads pressed together, they paused from the lip-lock briefly, "Never mind the pain. Focus on this. I'm right here."

 

"Less talk. More of... what I must focus on," she breathed before plunging them into another, eagerly embracing his lips with her own. Still wary of her fresh injuries, the Titan shifter toned down the intensity of the kiss, seeking to soothe the young woman's pain and not to complicate things with heated palpitation. Ever so gentle hands found their places as well, one at the side of her waist and one at her cheek. He sustained the chaste gesture for a little longer before capping it off with another one to her temple. Among a handful of other sentiments, he conveyed a message in their language that had no need of words: _I am with you_.

 

"I... I love you," she said softly, as if fearful that speaking above a whisper would erase the moment they shared. The excruciating pain in her leg paled in comparison to the joy brought by knowing he was safe and having him near her. Even as the darkness bereaved a good look at his mug, her mind's eye gazed upon his face just fine. It was far too easy to drown in those emerald eyes, and drown she did numerous times, including the present moment.

 

"I said that first," he said with a grin, sitting against the tree and easing her to his right shoulder. He offered her a canteen of water, holding the vessel up to her lips. Even in her weakened and dehydrated state, her discipline held fast; she drank slowly, like she usually did in more normal circumstances. When the container was half-empty, she placed a hand on his arm.

 

"Thank you. Drink up too. You need to rehydrate as well."

 

"No, save it for when you're feeling better. For now, I do all the coddling. Between the two of us, you're not the only one who worries about the other. Just tell me if you get thirsty."

 

"Okay. Just don't forget to take care too."

 

"I will, so don't worry about that. I'm not stupid. Now we'll take time to rest. After around an hour, I'll take you home, hopefully without disturbing your sleep. Get some shuteye, Mika. I'm supposed to take first watch tonight anyway."

 

She leaned closer to him, settling against his shoulder and letting the arm enveloping her fall to her waist, "You've done a lot already, Eren. Let me... keep an eye out."

 

"That's not on the table. Rest. We'll head out before you know it."

 

"But you need—"

 

"I need you, and I need you to get your strength back. So please, Mikasa. I do not have the energy to argue about this right now. Now, go to sleep already."

 

Persuaded more by his comfortable embrace than his offhanded way of saying _I care about you_ , she complied. The pain of broken bone still pestered her, but she was much too occupied to let it permeate the perfect night. The soil was damp beneath them, the evening chill made them long for a fireplace, and the rumbling in her stomach ate away at her—but everything was perfect nonetheless. She breathed in his scent; though she could not quite describe nor compare it to anything, she always associated his smell with home and the family she yearned for.

 

Though he outright confessed that he needed her, she needed him even far more. There was more to it, however, than meets the mind's eye; her need of him is not merely rooted in dependence or a conditional that determined the be-all and end-all of her existence. Veering away from the conventional understanding of need, she needed him for no other reason than she loved him deeply. Contrary to what their friends thought but never dared voice out, her world did not quite revolve around him; she had her own dreams, a vision of the future, and even the kind of house she wanted to come home to every night.

 

She just couldn't imagine the world without him, even as the noose of the Titan curse tightened around his neck.

 

"Thank you... for being here with me," whispered the girl to his ear, "I was afraid I'll never see you again. But here you are."

 

"I promised you my forever, however long that may last, and I intend to keep it," he spoke softly, grasping her hand with his free one, "We can talk more about it in the morning. For now, rest up."

 

The Titan shifter got his wish before he finished. His protector was already sound asleep leaning against him, her chest heaving evenly. Feeling her weight against him brought him abundant relief, for it was a silent reassurance that she was truly alive and safe in his arms. She might have been injured, and the ensuing bleeding and infection might have been fatal if left unattended. But he was there to intervene. After tending to her wounds, he was at least thankful she was not hurt more severely. It would take some time before she could attain full recovery, but he had to believe she would otherwise be fine. He would not have it any other way.

 

He spoke softly, not intending to rouse her, "Thank you for letting me keep my promise."

 

Then, he waited for an hour to pass as patiently as he could. Fatigue however, had taken its toll on the Titan shifter. He barely reached the half-hour mark when he nodded off on mussed up raven locks.


	11. Eleven

Of the pleasant things one could wake up to, a grizzly would perhaps be at the bottom of that list.

 

Daybreak has not arrived yet, but Eren couldn't care less about that right now. The lumbering creature before them, weighing well over a hundred kilos, inched closer—its mouth watering at the prospect of early breakfast. The bear was relatively calm for now, studying its prey for the time being, but that could change drastically in the next few minutes. The wild animal was only ever slightly less dangerous than their usual opponents. The Titan shifter pondered. If he turned now, the transformation could spell severe injury or even death for the girl resting on his shoulder. He first needed to put safe distance between him and her, something the bear did not quite allow at the moment.

 

Speaking as quietly as possible, he nudged the girl on his right, "Mikasa, wake up. There's a—"

 

"I know, now be silent," replied his protector, who has probably awake longer than he was, "Already have my good hand on your sword. I'm proficient with my left hand too. Run to your left on my mark."

 

"Wait, you have your hand on my—"

 

"Eren!" she hissed, and at that moment, the bear charged.

 

In a stroke of luck he knew he did not deserve, he took her in his arms, got up, and sidestepped at the last second, missing the murderous ursine paw by mere inches. Ignoring her protests, he gingerly set her down and drew his sword from its leather sheath (he did not see the point of ODM gear in his search for her), turning to face the stunned bear. Having its head slam against the tree, this afforded the Titan shifter a small window of attack. He thrusted, hoping to skewer the bear's brain despite the poor visibility.

 

He must have missed. To his horror, the creature was still very much alive.

 

Now certifiably pissed, the bear jerked violently, wrenching the weapon from his grasp and knocking him flat on his ass. He could vaguely make out her voice calling his name in the background, but it was drowned by the roar blaring in front of his face. _Shit_.

 

Before the grizzly could trample him, Mikasa scrambled to the bear's side on practically one leg, her own dulled blade in hand. She raised her weapon and stabbed it, but she too did not hit any vital systems. With the bear's attention on the struggling girl, Eren took his weapon protruding from its side and ran the bear's skull through with it. After wrestling with death throes for a couple of moments, all hostilities finally ceased.

 

The wind still knocked out of him, he stumbled around the carcass and made his way to his protector. The girl shifted her weight on her good leg, hand still grasping the sword embedded in the creature's side. She was leaning on her weapon for support, and her pained face told him everything he needed to know.

 

He took her hand away from the weapon, and gently eased her in sitting down on the forest floor, much to the relief of her broken leg.

 

"Are you hurt? The hell were you thinking, Mikasa? One broken limb ain't enough?"

 

"I'm fine. Not that it matters... but I was trying to save your ass. Looked like you needed help, Eren."

 

"I know that. And of course it matters! But that's no excuse to put yourself at risk! You already _died_ once for a comrade—"

 

"I wouldn't have changed a thing if I could go back, and I'd do it again if I have to. Especially if it's you. This is what we do, Eren."

 

"Don't give me that, dammit!"

 

Eyes shut, he hung his head and the hands on his lap clenched into fists. She braced herself for another fit until she noticed the stream that fell from his eyes. To say she knew him well is a gross understatement, and so she knew Eren was not one to weep over petty things. Though he never told her, she knew he associated his own tears with vulnerability, with weakness. Unable to express his pain through crying all those years, the intoxicating brew of rage and hate became the more attractive means of catharsis, and even the sustenance of his fighting spirit. He was a war machine that answered to nothing and could endure _anything_ ,

 

Anything, indeed and truly. The only catch was that he could not endure losing her.

 

Without second thought, she threw an arm around him, ignoring the aching of her body, "Eren... Eren, it's okay. You don't have to cry. About anything. I'm right here."

 

He embraced her back, as if fearful of letting her go, "But you weren't for a time. I already lost you once. That's not how it's supposed to be; I'm to go first, while you live your life after this blasted war. But Mikasa, for the love of mankind... _please don't_. Don't go in the four years I've left. I can't lose you a second time. Live through this hell. Promise me."

 

At the rate they were going, even with the precious lulls that afforded precious respite from combat, she knew. Theirs was a profession that did not freely supply the luxury of making promises, let alone keeping them. Having nothing to do with honesty or moral obligation, a soldier's word was only as good as the breath in his body. The dead could only fulfill so many promises.

 

She held him tighter, tolerating the pain that shot from her shoulder, "I don't know if I can give you my word, but you're not losing me that easily. I'm sorry... if you thought that you lost me for a while—"

 

"It felt a helluva lot longer than you make it out to be," murmured Eren.

 

"But you didn't. I know, I've been there too. So don't you dare say I don't know how it feels because you were the first to go, and I had to deal with it too. I can't give you the future, Eren, but I can give you what I have—I love you. For as long as you have me, I love you."

 

"Promise?"

 

"That I can."

 

"Mika, I love you far more. Even if I could be a real jackass at times."

 

"At times? Don't you mean all the time?"

 

He whined, and eventually chuckled against her shoulder, unsuccessful in coming up with a riposte against that. He settled for nuzzling the side of her neck, much to her (secret) delight.

 

"Eren," finding it impossible not to smile at that point, "Maybe not now, and certainly not here? A rotting corpse is right beside us. I'm not sure I like the stench of dead bear."

 

"Mmm, don't care. You don't smell like roses either. We're going for a swim soon as you're healed."

 

 _Aha, he asked for it_ , she thought, "You're a jackass, and a slacker. Twice already we got in trouble because you drifted off when you shouldn't have. One, you missed your shift and Armin found you in my tent; two, you nearly got us killed today."

 

"Hey, I was awake the whole time like I said. I did not nod off today."

 

"You were snoring, Eren. Loudly. Used to be fairly quiet and cute when we were small, but there's just no comparison now. Reckon the bear was sleeping somewhere close by, and that you woke it up with those battle horns of yours."

 

"I did not snore that loudly!"

 

"I beg to differ, and my hearing's perfectly fine—ahh! What... what are you doing?"

 

Having nuzzled aside the scarf, he kissed the bare juncture where her neck met her shoulder, sending a jolt of satisfaction throughout her entire system.

 

"Getting back at you for your accusations. You offended me."

 

"Tickles a bit. I'll... I'll offend you more often then," replied Mikasa, eyes closed and content.

 

Fixing her scarf back in place, he planted one on her forehead, "Back at the camp, perhaps. For now, I need to take you back home ASAP.  You'll be safe once we're there, and your bandages will need changing soon."

 

She leaned against his forehead, feeling his breath on her lips, "Are you sure? It's still pretty dark. We can wait an hour."

 

"No Mika, can't risk it. Almost lost you, again. All because I slack—"

 

"Hey, that's enough," replied his protector, joining their lips briefly before continuing, "Enough with the self-blame. It already happened, and we made it out alright. That's all that matters."

 

He nodded. The silence between them was broken when he began, "Why are you so good at this?"

 

Her fingers lost themselves in his mop of hair, which was now longer and more unkempt than usual, "At what?"

 

"Telling me what I must know at the right place and time; letting this parched soul of mine laugh; making me hold on when everything else told me to let go. All of _that_. So why?"

 

"I don't really know, Eren. You just bring out things from me, especially these past few days. I like where we are now."

 

"Really? As for me, not at all."

 

Her eyebrows raised in an expression of puzzlement, "Why? Is there something bothering you?"

 

He brushed aside hair from her face until his hands traveled south and found hers, "Absolutely. We're still in the middle of the blasted woods. Yeah, I detest where we are now."

 

She smiled against his shoulder, pulling closer and taking in his familiar scent, "Blockhead."

 

"Heh," he placed a hand behind her head, feeling the raven locks slide between his fingers, "But you know me; I'm not one to stop at complaints. I'm a complainer, and a doer. That's why I'm taking us home right now. Shall we go? Or do you want to stick around a little longer in bear country?"

 

"Already told you—I am home. But if you're so eager to head back to camp, then let's."

 

The trek back home was not quite how Eren expected it to be. Yet again his Titan powers failed him, even after three bites and intense concentration. Instead of the behemoth that could considerably shorten their travel time, he was only granted a mangled hand. Much later on, he would attribute the failure to fatigue and the recent whirlwind of emotions overwhelming him. Mikasa insisted on bandaging his hand, but he naturally shrugged it off, willing at least his regenerative abilities to do their job. Her constant, selfless concern for him made him wistful; if only he could use his healing abilities on her, he would have done so in a heartbeat.

 

With the beeline route he opted to take instead of the scouting path he took earlier, they would reach home in less than six hours, even on foot. Nonetheless, that was not to say it would be a brief journey. Hung across Eren's shoulders in a rescuer's carry, Mikasa's injuries hurt almost the entire time. Barely audible moans and stifled yelps did not escape his sharp hearing. With that damned "Ackerman pride," as Eren grudgingly called it, preventing her from letting him know when the bouts of pain became unbearable, they halted every half an hour or so. He caught a breather himself, but the breaks were really for her. During those times, he offered her water and wrapped both arms around her, hoping he could at least assuage the sting and throbbing.

 

She spoke softly; he would not have heard her had their faces been any farther apart, "I love it when you do that."

 

It seemed to be working at the very least, "Do what? Pray tell."

 

"All of this. I suppose I'm still not used to this side of you."

 

He knew it was not her intention, but he could not deny the onset of guilt at her words, "I, uh... Okay, I let ego take the reins for too long. I thought before that you were getting in the way between me and my mission, that you would only hold me back... I'm sorry. I didn't treat you fairly all these years. You... you deserved this _side_ much earlier."

 

"Doesn't matter, Eren. There's nothing to apologize for. I told you, remember? I'm happy where we are now. But don't think that you have to act any differently; you don't owe me anything. So long as you're safe, that's enough for me."

 

"Then I suppose this counts as more than enough."

 

Lest he worsens her injuries, he could not kiss her as passionately as either of them wanted, but he came damn near close. Her mouth gradually became a favorite dwelling place of his, relishing in the safety and tenderness that stood in stark contrast to the lives they led. Their lips danced to the synchronized beats of their pulses, eagerly taking the other in its contour. He felt her heart race against his chest— _lub dub, lub dub, lub dub_ —and Eren was grateful to feel and hear it.

 

For what better music was there to listen to than the heartbeat he guarded so dearly?

 

He gingerly broke away, pausing only to stare at lidded eyes hiding those piercing charcoal orbs, "Yes. That's more than enough, Eren," his protector whispered.

 

"Glad to exceed your standards. You of all people, worth a hundred soldiers and all."

 

"You misunderstand. I never wished for that 'hundred soldiers' title. I just knew I had to be in the best position to... to watch your back. And I couldn't do that as a mediocre soldier."

 

"Then you started packing abs earlier than the rest of us."

 

"Mmhmm, someone's been especially keen."

 

"What? No, of course not! Sasha mentioned it one—"

 

He did not realize she was jesting until he noticed her coy smile. Truth be told, despite his slight envy of her superior skills as a soldier in the years past, her prowess secretly earned his admiration more than jealousy. How she bested anyone that went toe-to-toe with her (including him, on several occasions) how she never complained about anything at all; how she lived life as a silent, powerful force always surging forward. In his eyes, she became invulnerable, and so he slacked off in keeping her safe, knowing she could take care of herself. It was a decision he regretted many times over, his remorse reflected by every scar that etched both in her body and his soul.

 

From now on, they were to be on equal terms. He was to be her protector, as much as she is his.

 

"Hey," a hand on his hair broke him from his reverie, "are you okay? You're leaving me again."

 

"'m fine, and that's not gonna happen. Never again, long as I live," he put a hand on her scarf, emphasizing a promise uttered not too long ago, when death both stared them in the eyes.

 

She fought back tears, and the morbid thought that he only had so many years left, "That's for an entire lifetime then. I hope you won't get tired of me in that time."

 

"Don't be stupid. That's impossible for me, Mika," he planted one on her forehead, his lips affectionately lingering for a while, "C'mon, let's get going."

 

With some effort, he gingerly hefted her up again on his shoulders, which naturally worried the girl.

 

"Mikasa, no. Not now. I have to concentrate as it is, so quit worrying. You'll just have to trust me. I can carry you just fine."

 

"You sure?" she replied meekly.

 

The Titan shifter grumbled, squeezing her uninjured forearm as he trod on fallen leaves, "I am. I'll get some shuteye once we get back at the camp, but not before. Now I know it's asking for a lot, but try to relax. We'll be home before you know it."

 

"Alright. Thank you... for coming back to me."

 

"Promised you forever, didn't I? I'd always come back for you. Got a promise to keep, with or without that damned scarf I forgot to replace back then. Really ought to get you a new one."

 

She almost shuddered at the thought, but at the same time appreciated the gesture, "This one's just fine, Eren. It means a lot to me, and maybe the person who gave and wrapped it around me as well when I was cold."

 

"Maybe? Really? Forget about getting you a new one. Ain't buying a damn thing for you on soldier's pay."

 

Despite everything, this elicited a smile from her, "I love you, Eren."

 

"Uhuh, now you tell me that shit."

 

"That's right, so you better get used to this 'shit.'"

 

"You know what, to tell you the truth, I don't think I ever will."

 

This genuinely worried his protector, "Why? If you prefer the way things were between us before, I'm okay with that. Already told you that nothing has to—"

 

"Mika, it isn't that," he rudely interrupted with that damned sweet voice of his, she thought, "It just feels new each time you say it, like a gift that's opened again and again without diminishing joy. I could never get used to something I could never take for granted. So, that's what I meant, idiot."

 

This time, she squeezed his forearm and lifted 'til her hand found his. Calloused digits and palms relished in the tender touch of the other, putting her in the familiar state of calm and safety.

 

Mikasa enjoyed all the wordless conversations with him as well.

 

After a while, her grip slackened. This nearly stopped Eren's heart until he heard soft snores. Nevermind scaring him half to death, at least she was not awake to feel the brunt of the pain. Her body resting across his shoulders felt relaxed for the most part.

 

"Don't you dare die on me. Set your leg back in place, and I staunched the bleeding, so you better keep your end of the bargain."

 

He marched on for what felt like hours nonstop, and his body felt like one, hulking piece of lead by then. He was fairly certain that the Titan serum aided in sustaining his steady pace, regenerating worn out legs and an aching back. A sharp voice unexpectedly broke him from the monotony of the past few hours or so.

 

"Eren! That you? And is that—"

 

"Connie, it's me," the Titan shifter called out in a hoarse voice, "I need a stretcher! Now!"

 

His friend shot away without replying, presumably to fetch the requested article. A few minutes passed until Connie came back with a stretcher. Along with a barrage of questions, chiefly having to do with what transpired in the past couple of hours. He waved most of the queries aside as he gingerly let his protector down on the stretcher. He considered it a moot point to answer them now.

 

"Not now, Connie. I'll explain everything back at the camp. Right now, she needs a proper medic and some decent accommodations."

 

"Sure, Eren," said Connie as they hoisted the stretcher and started pacing, "Sorry about that. Didn't realize you must've been up the whole night. After all that, I'm just glad you got her back. That was nothing short of a miracle."

 

"No, that wasn't the miracle," replied Eren without hesitation, "It's that she was the one who found me."


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What lies on the other side of the deep?

"You're up. No clue know how you do it, Eren. You really ought to teach us your tricks someday."

 

He awoke in a tent far larger than his, with a simple table nearby and his blonde friend seated on a stool beside him, some important-looking documents in hand. He initially ignored his friend's question however, as the fingers entwined around his own took most of his attention. Beside him, still fast asleep, laid his protector. Naturally, she had to hold fast to his hand before nodding off; well, not that he minded it one bit.

 

"Yeah, glad to see you too. Do what, Armin?" he matched his friend's voice, speaking softly as to not rouse his Mikasa.

 

"The impossible. You'll probably get mad at me for this, but I thought her gone as soon as Jean came alone. She wouldn't hesitate to lay down her life for any of us, and you especially."

 

"Well, I'm not mad. I can't really blame you; I couldn't begin to tell you how it fucking felt when I thought she... But you want to know how I did it. When I set out, I didn't think my mission impossible. I was going to get her back; there was just no other alternative. Typical Mikasa, she was the one who found me instead. Does the saving even when she's the one who needs it. Always loved and hated her for that."

 

"Connie said something along those lines earlier. Care to share what happened?"

 

"Got knocked out cold when I fell flat on my face in the Attack Titan. When I woke up cold and wet from the downpour, there she was by my side. She dragged my ass, on a broken leg, by the nearest tree just to get some shelter from the rain. Then from there, we made our way back. I don't have words too for how I felt when I—when she, found me. You see, Armin, she found me, and took me home."

 

"I suppose some things never change. She'll always have a knack for saving your ass. And how's your guardian now?"

 

"Still out cold, obviously. I just hope her injuries aren't as bad as I think. I didn't like the angle I found her leg in. And that cut on her shoulder... Why can't I just use these damn Titan powers to help her?"

 

"Have you forgotten? You have, several times in the past. On top of that, your other form helped you cover ground much faster and more practically than on horseback. So quit berating yourself. You've done all you could, and I know she's more than grateful for everything."

 

"I know that Armin, but... it's just that I hate seeing her like this. She isn't supposed to get hurt, and I'll lose my shit if she pulls that self-sacrificing crap one more time."

 

"Well," the blond stood up, replacing the book in a small shelf beside him, "we now both know that you're aiming for the moon Eren. Ours is a profession that's more generous with scars than anything else. She'd sacrifice herself for you or anyone else in this squad if there was no other choice, and I would too, Eren. You can't save her from saving you. Just be by her side."

 

Without him noticing, his grip on her hand subconsciously tightened, "I still don't like it, but I get where you're coming from. You going somewhere?"

 

"I'll be helping the others set up Titan dummies not far from here. Got some new recruits to train tomorrow."

 

"What? You sure you'll still be needing those dummies? Maybe the Titans will be ever so kind as to show up in the middle of training and swallow somebody."

 

"The sentries posted will make sure that won't happen, and we can't protect them from our reality for long anyway. So take it easy, Eren. We'll talk later, after you get some more rest."

 

"I'll see you later, too."

 

Without looking at her, he knew that the girl had awakened as soon as Armin left. His other hand reached for the warm cheek that belied her pale, icy pallor.

 

"How are you? Be honest with me."

 

She leaned into his calloused hand, and gave him a wan smile, "I'm fine, Eren. And when was I ever not honest with you?"

 

"Right now. That damned pride of yours prevents me from taking proper care of you. Do you need pain relievers? Can I get you anything?"

 

"Eren, there's really nothing to worry about. I can take this. And I only ask that stay with me for a while. Please?"

 

The Titan shifter ceded, lying on his side and nuzzling his guardian's uninjured shoulder, A languid arm snaked around her waist, gingerly pulling her closer. Childhood memories from long ago were suddenly fresh in his mind—he missed embracing her, and generally being the one to make her feel safe.

 

"You didn't get one thing quite right."

 

"And what would that be, Mika?"

 

"That I don't let you take care of me. You've been doing just that, for the past couple of days in fact. And of course I appreciate all that."

 

He let out an audible sigh, "Alright, fine. Just, enough of the acting tough and... telling me you're fine when there's something that I should attend to. Can we agree on that, at least?"

 

"If that's what you want, okay. I'm alright with that too."

 

"Good. Still a bit exhausted, so is it okay if I nap for a bit? And I also sleep easier when you're around. Yeah, that's it. I, uh... miss drifting off next to you."

 

"Well, if you put it that way. I suppose I'm used to it by now; you nodding off before you could kiss me goodni—"

 

His mouth silenced hers, tongue frozen still mid-sentence until another moved it once more. This new development startled her, and thrilled her as well. The sensation of probing another's mouth felt alien, but she had no qualms as it belonged to the boy she loved anyway. The thought of sharing a new experience with him was beyond wonderful on its own, but actually feeling it was another matter altogether. Time seemed to stop, and the ever so brief present they shared felt everlasting.

 

She regretted how her current injuries severely limited her wordless communication with him.

 

"Did someone say kiss?" said the Titan shifter as she felt him smile, though both their eyes were lidded.

 

"We're... in the Commander's tent. Someone might walk in on—"

 

And there he went again, cutting her off from whatever she was about to say next. He was getting bolder, the impulsive propensity bleeding into their relationship, and she loved every ounce of it. He was audacious in a way that was unmistakably Eren, the boy who surged forward without second thought and had no idea when to quit. Yet, even as he projected a show of strength in their liplock, so did he convey an act of surrender. If it were possible to be unrelenting and gentle at the same time, Mikasa thought he fit that perfectly. She was a rose whose petals he took care not to ruffle, and a wild horse that he had to break.

 

It did not take long before the boy fell asleep in the girl's arms, undoubtedly still winded from the rigors of last night. After all, he practically carried her the whole night. Though she had a slim physique, well-developed muscles added to her heft. In another time and place, she would have worried how her sculpted body may have made her less effeminate in the eyes of Eren, how her wanting womanliness may avert the gaze she secretly yearned from him since their trainee days.

 

With the reality they faced however, she could not afford to be second-rate in her mission to protect him. And so she trained to be the best, her enhanced genes augmenting her every step unbeknownst to her. Even as she laid beside him contemplating, the Ackerman genes borne of Titan research were working to heal her injuries at an alarmingly fast rate. She could not care less about being worth a hundred soldiers; she just had someone to look after.

 

But all the training, bloodshed, and massive loss of life did not kill the child in her. She softly sang him a tune, an old lullaby she learned from her Mother. Even as Eren cried on the nights after he lost his home and mother, Mikasa refrained from singing him the lullaby, fearing the pain it would bring and opting to embrace the distressed boy instead. Now, there was no pain as music seeped from her lips, the words still very much familiar to her heart even after many years of hiatus.

 

She was home.

 

(-)

 

_The following day_

 

The last thing he wanted was for them to get cocky.

 

"You two got something to celebrate? Let me bring the hooch for you then."

 

Two of the soldier-trainees under Levi's watch were doing reasonably well until they committed a fatal mistake. After the blond-haired boy took out three Titan dummies and another with black hair took out two, they descended to the forest floor. Then the bloody idiots slapped one another's backs.

 

In an instant, the flash of smug satisfaction left their eyes and they saluted the Captain.

 

The blonde, who seemed to be the older of the two, spoke up first, "My apologies, Sir. That was our first action in days and we just got carried away."

 

The other rookies watched from the treetops, as if fearful of going anywhere near the displeased Captain. The mysterious aura he projected more than made up for his unimpressive height, and not one of them doubted that this was indeed Humanity's Strongest in the flesh.

 

"What's your name?"

 

"Edward, Sir."

 

"And you?" said the Captain, jabbing a finger at the other nincompoop.

 

"Connor, Sir. Captain, it won't happen again. I swear, from now on—"

 

"You'll say your name when asked, and nothing else. Is that clear?" cut Levi, who was still surprisingly calm.

 

"Yes, Sir!"

 

"Now listen, Edward and Connor. Until you two decided to act like blasted idiots, you were both doing fine. Gotta admit it, you both know your way around ODMs. But, you don't need telling that checking the area for other Titans is mandatory right? Even if there aren't any hostiles in sight for the time being? For example, Connor, take a good look behind you and look up a little bit."

 

The youth with jet black hair did as he was told, and his jaw dropped not long afterwards.

 

"What—how did that get there? I swore I took them all out."

 

Partially hidden by vines and secured behind a large tree, one Titan dummy remained. While not completely missable, the inattentive eye would have glossed over it, as was in the case of Connor.

 

"You two expect to be conquering victors when you can't even see for shit? Unwise."

 

The younger man pleaded with Levi, "Captain, I'm sorry. That dummy was closer to my position. I should've taken it out. Accountability falls on me."

 

"First off, damn straight. You alone are responsible for nearby Titans you see ahead of your squad. Screw that up, and you'll have blood on your hands. Second, as far as we're concerned, there aren't any dummies here, so think and train like lives depend on it."

 

He raised his voice just a little louder to reach the treetops, the impressive volume belying his childlike height, "I catch any of you treating these sessions like playtime, getting bitten in half will be the least of your worries. Is that clear?"

 

"Yes, Sir," shouted the anxious recruits, now very much reluctant to do anything stupid.

 

"As it should be. Now head back to camp. The Commander's scheduled to teach you rookies on group strategies and attack formations. Back to your mounts, all of you. Dismissed."

 

The two offenders before him saluted once more, then hastily went out of his sight. After several hours of ODM training, their countenance betrayed an aura of fatigue and silent fulfillment at the same time. He knew these kids were tired, but they also seemed content with having accomplished something meaningful today. The ones on the treetops descended quietly, and all left the training grounds on horseback, leaving the Captain alone with his thoughts. And the sound of birds chirping somewhere above.

 

These new recruits were well aware of the pressure on them as the next generation of Survey Corps soldiers. What they did not know was the pressure on the Captain himself as well. In Levi's hands rested the quality of soldiers that would champion those within the walls. From these dedicated young men and women had to come brilliant strategists,  charismatic leaders, soldiers worth a hundred others, and fighters who would one day be called "Humanity's Strongest." The title couldn't be his alone forever, he thought grimly.

 

He was broken from his reverie by approaching hoofbeats.

 

"Good day, Captain," said Armin as he dismounted, "You ordered to see me?"

 

"Yes. We received an important letter today from none other than your old comrade, and who now happens to be our queen. For now, what I'm about to tell you remains with me, Hangi, and you."

 

"Understood Sir. What is it about?"

 

"Well Arlert, what do you say to leading the first Survey Corps mission beyond your precious ocean?"


	13. Thirteen

Though he had already seen her yesterday after setting up the Titan dummies, the Captain paid Mikasa a visit before their evening meal. Last time, they barely spoke to each other, which mostly had to do with the girl's soporific and weakened state, rather than their reluctance to hold a conversation. Though the Ackerman pride forbade them from speaking it out loud, both of them had immense respect for the other.

 

Alhough Mikasa insisted on returning to her one-man tent, Hangi decided against it. In the meantime, the latter slept in Mikasa's tent, not minding the cramped spaces which "weren't conducive to recovering from injuries."

 

He cleared his throat before entering the tent, announcing his presence.

 

"Not exactly the smartest thing to do, don't you think? You'll just end up needing more bed rest."

 

He walked in just as she finished a sit-up, which the Founding Titan knows was the last of how many. She straightened up at the sound of the voice.

 

"Captain. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting company."

 

"No apologies needed. If anything, forgive my intrusion. Just felt like checking on my first resurrected soldier. So how are you right now?"

 

Beneath the mask of indifference, she could make out his sincerity. The thought made her wistful, which proved the horrors of the battlefield did not sap them of empathy. For whatever reason, even after all they've been through, he never took off that cloak of enigma.

 

"Feeling better, Captain. I just want to be of service again as quickly as possible. Especially now that the recruits are here."

 

The short man pulled a chair and sat by her bedside, "Yeah, I understand that. Your boyfriend gets in all kinds of deep shit without you. The idiot gets on my nerves sometimes, but that doesn't make me any less grateful for him saving you. Don't say anything to that."

 

She didn't have to; cheeks that nearly matched the color of her scarf did all the talking for her. Did the Captain know about _them?_

 

"Anyway, there's another matter I wanted to broach—one of a more military nature. Mikasa, you are aware how valuable you are to the Survey Corps?"

 

She knew where this was going, and she didn't like it, "I was trained to believe that every soldier is valued by the Corps. And that every death brings us closer to the vision of a free humankind."

 

The Captain pressed his fingertips together, "We both know that's not what I meant. I value my men's lives all the same, but not all soldiers are created equal, Mikasa. There are fighters who can hold their own, and there are also the exceptional ones worth a hundred soldiers."

 

The way he emphasized the last words didn't escape her. That damned title she didn't lust for, but made it to her résumé anyway.

 

"Between those two, which can we not afford to lose?"

 

"As you said, you value everyone's lives just the same. Following that reasoning, we can't afford to lose anyone as long as we have a say in it."

 

"But the thing is we don't always have a say in things, and our hands are subsequently forced to choose lesser evils. If I could only save one of two soldiers, I'd choose the one who would later slay more of the enemy, and thereby save more lives. Call it fucked up, but you and I have seen that the world is even more so."

 

"So this is about my choosing Jean over myself?" said the younger Ackerman, now visibly flustered. At that point, she didn't care one whit about the chain of command. _Who is he to question the prudence of something I did for a friend? And who am I to say my life means more than the man next to me? Military nature my ass_.

 

Mentally, she surprised herself. She definitely spent too much time with Eren.

 

The Captain's disposition, on the other hand, remained the same—which only infuriated her even further.

 

"Yes, it is. That incident won't be the last of your close calls, and Jaeger won't always be around to save you. In situations where you'd have to sacrifice yourself for a soldier with lesser skill, I can only give you two options. Do everything in your power to ensure both of you make it out alive, or let the man go. The Survey Corps can't afford to lose a valuable soldier like you. Be more prudent from here on out. Don't get yourself killed."

 

"With all due respect, Captain, but that's an order I can't completely abide by. I'm not one to give up on life easily—mine and others. Who I risk my life for is my business. Not yours."

 

The Captain rose from his seat, not showing displeasure if he felt any, "Looks like some of Jaeger's brashness has gotten into you. If you won't follow my reasoning, then think of him. Your death would leave a mark on him. Think, Mikasa, before you go back to the field.”

 

With that, he left, leaving her stunned and feeling betrayed. The Captain used brutal tactics against her.

 

(-)

 

After she recovered more of her strength, her friends visited her one by one, all of them similarly expressing relief over her survival. Connie didn’t linger, keeping his visit short and sweet, but it was a different story altogether for Sasha. The huntress talked in great length about the recent battle, her difficulty in processing the loss of a comrade at the time, and her willingness to help the injured girl answer the call of nature as Mikasa still had trouble walking. Humanity’s second strongest was embarrassed at the last proposition, but also expressed her gratefulness to Sasha; Mikasa told herself to just heal and walk as soon as possible. She always hated having to bother anyone at all. Armin saw her almost as often as Eren these days, telling her stories about the new recruits they were training and how most of them were dying to meet “the one worth a hundred soldiers.” At the age of nineteen, Mikasa had attained near legendary status in the military, and among the new Survey Corps soldiers. Some were younger than her, while others were well in their mid-twenties. The Titan war is dragging more and more youths to the fray.

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if an army of suitors greet you upon your return,” Armin said jokingly one time, “All the boys think you’re a goddess.”

 

She casually brushed it aside of course, as a thousand suitors or even hundred thousand would not make a difference. The one she loved stayed with her every night until she falls asleep, passionately kissing away the unspoken pains and fears she did not dare tell anyone. Each kiss brought her closer to home while the Titan shifter gradually pieced back the soul he thought broken. There will always be that fragile side of her known only to Eren, like the sight of a wife’s naked body is reserved for her husband.

 

But she will never forget the last person in their squad who stopped by her tent (well, the Commander’s tent really). Naturally, she did resent him for hesitating to see her; Mikasa only hoped she could somehow reach into him and take away the guilt. Jean had nothing to be sorry for.

 

And yet here he was by her bedside, meekly asking for her forgiveness.

 

“Jean, look at me,” her hand found his face, her fingers gently wiping away the tears that ran down the sepulchral face.

 

“I wanted this, remember? I couldn’t let both of us die then and there. You have nothing to be sorry for. On the contrary, I’m the one who should apologize; I’ve told you some hurtful things. I’m sorry for what I said.”

 

“Hey, cut it out,” he put up a smile for her, gently returning her hand to her lap, “What you said was right anyway. I wouldn’t have held them off as well as you did. It was the right decision. We’re both alive because of what you did.”

 

She looked away, “But I still shouldn’t have said that. For what it’s worth, you’re one of the best soldiers I’ve met. When you have your own squad someday, I know it’ll be in good hands.”

 

“C’mon, you’re not talking to Jaeger here. No need to butter me up, really.”

 

It was her turn to smile, “I meant what I said. And I don’t ‘butter’ people up.”

 

“Well, that’s true I suppose. You did tell me to sod off when we were fleeing for our lives.”

 

“Jean,” she gave him a look of exasperation when she realized he was kidding. Secretly, she felt relieved. At least she knew that he no longer blamed himself for what happened to her, which was of her own doing anyway. When Jean left, she grew wistful thinking of Eren. _If only I could help him drop the self-blame too_ , she pondered. How do you convince a pigheaded fighter that most of the deaths he so voluntarily carries on his shoulders aren’t on him?

 

(-)

 

The monotonous routine blurred the days together. Before they realized it, three weeks had passed since the last Titan engagement.

 

"This is a stupid idea. Your bones need more time to heal, Mika. Don't rush it."

 

"I asked for your help, Eren. Not your approval. Now help me walk. I can do this."

 

With her left arm around his shoulder, they stood up from the bed and took a step forward. Contrary to her expectation, the ground felt firm and steady. Her legs, almost completely healed of their injuries, supported her weight with little difficulty. Eren, for all his density, felt her pace as keenly as possible. He stepped again. Then took another. And then one more. He undid the tent closure and they were finally outside, the chilly evening breeze sending a slight shiver down his protector's spine. Instinctively, he held her closer and snaked an arm around her waist. Mikasa, for all her valor, had very little tolerance for the cold.

 

"You're doing... better than I expected," said Eren, "Just take it slowly. I don't think you still need me."

 

She looked at him with narrowed eyes for a moment, then pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth. There was no protest on his part; his lips gently molded to hers, seeking to take in and feel as much of her as possible. He chanced opening his eyes during this time, and was only half disappointed to see eyelids shut in satisfaction rather than those arresting pair of charcoal orbs.

 

"Don't you dare say that I have no need of you anymore."

 

A rare smile crept up on his lips, "Did you miss my point on purpose, Mikasa?"

 

"To have you stay just a bit longer? Perhaps."

 

He cupped her head, her growing hair nearly covering his entire hand at that point, "You don't have to do that."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I promised you forever, even as part of me thought we would die that day."

 

"Of course. I... I could never forget that day. You avenged them, you know. Your mother and Hannes-san."

 

"That we did together. What I did on my own was give you my always, however brief or long that may be. Only, I realized it just recently. I'm sorry, I can be dense at times."

 

"Make that _always_."

 

He groaned into her shoulder, which she found endearing and ticklish at the same time. Before long, she felt her scarf crumple upwards and soft lips touch her neck. _Oh no, not this again. Why is he so damn good?_

 

An audible gasp escaped her, "Eren... not now. We came here to take a walk."

 

"Mmm, you just did. Let's call it a night, already. My eyelids are getting heavier." his voice was muffled by the scarf, "Why are we out here in the middle of the night, anyway? I could've helped you this afternoon,"

 

"I don't want the others to see me struggle. " she replied, surreptitiously letting him access more of her slender neck, "Or even pity me in the slightest. I don't want any of that. It’s bad enough that Sasha had to help me relieve myself these past few days."

 

He paused from his generous expressions of affection and looked her straight in the eye.

 

"And I don't like it when your pride makes you unhappy, of course. Whether you're injured or in top shape, approachable or moody, it doesn't really matter. I... I love you all the same. But alright, let's finish this before you get all mushy on me."

 

They walked hand in hand, with Eren holding her hand a little more tightly than needed; not that she minded. Her first few steps were a bit wobbly, but each step she took was firmer than the last one. After a few, quiet minutes of pacing almost normally across the beach, Mikasa felt something firm scoop her legs up. In one deft move, she found herself cradled in the sleepy boy’s arms, much to her surprise.

 

He whispered before she could protest, “That’s enough for tod—tonight, actually. It’s late, Mikasa. Time to…” he tried to stifle a yawn, and failed miserably, “time to rest.”

 

“Mhm, look who’s doing the babying now.”

 

“Damn right I am. I have the right after I almost fucking lost you.”

 

“Hey,” her hand found his face, making him face her, “Get that out of your head already, okay? I’m right beside you, and I will be until the very end.”

 

Despite being reminded of the tightening noose around his neck, her words brought him warmth. As he brought her inside the tent and pulled the covers over her, the Titan shifter fell asleep embracing his protector’s waist.

 


	14. Fourteen

“I hate repeating myself, so listen up all of you.”

The six remaining soldiers of Squad Levi stood fast, every single one of them curious (and clueless) about what the Captain summoned them for in the wee hours of the dawn. Right after breaking their fast, they wasted no time putting away their food implements and scampered to the middle of the camp where the short man patiently waited. At Levi’s behest, even the newly-recovered Mikasa was expected, much to Eren’s disquietude. Their roles had indeed reversed, or at least equalized. She only started walking properly last night, and her forehead indicated a slight fever when he pressed his lips there after waking, but he failed to deter the woman worth a hundred soldiers even in her weakened state.

“As you all know, our true enemies aren’t on this island, but somewhere beyond the blue. Top brass, that includes our Queen, has granted us permission to conduct the first ever offshore scouting mission; that’s an opportunity that I won’t pass up on. Make no mistake, if we play our cards right, you’re looking at the mission that could decisively end the war.

“This long-term mission has two phases, but there won’t be any need for the second one should the first prove successful. The first phase centers on diplomacy. Arlert will lead a squad to the objective area, recon, and study the place for about a week. If his good judgment dictates that diplomacy with the enemy will lead to cessation of all hostilities, we proceed to dialogue. I assure you, we will exhaust all options that do not include bloodshed.”

 _The operative word being exhaust_ , thought Armin.

“If however, peaceful means cannot satisfy the end, that’s where the rest of us come in. We are the second phase. I didn’t summon you here for a chat session. In the following weeks, I will teach you skills I’m not proud of, but kept me alive anyway after years spent with a man of questionable character. I will teach you to move with discretion, to fight with more conventional weapons, and to kill without arousing suspicion. Rather than the heroes that valiantly zoom above city streets, you will be the faceless shadows that kill for the vision of a free humankind; there will be blood on your hands instead of flowers at your feet. Now, form up in pairs.”

Eren faced his protector, and the eyes of the latter seemed to communicate everything he needed to know. I’ll be fine, and I trust you anyway. So stop worrying, my love. Right, he definitely imagined the last part.

“Mikasa,” the Captain called out, “I know you’re not yet in top form, but try not to leave any permanent marks on your boyfriend.”

“Captain!” the two teenagers said in unison, protesting over the short man’s interesting choice of words and the sniggers they elicited. Levi however, was quicker on the uptake; his next drill instructions drowned out any laments or comments.

“One of you, face away from the other. Your first lesson is executing a proper, non-lethal chokehold. When you have no weapons and have to take out a sentry conveniently facing away from you, a rear naked chokehold is your best bet. There’s only one rule here—finish as fast as possible.”

Eren turned away from Mikasa, and eventually felt a familiar arm snake around his neck. Even in her current state, she could inflict serious damage to him at this point. Nonetheless, his trust in her was absolute. Like the way the morning expects the sun to rise in the wee hours of the day.

“Remember when we used to practice this? You were quite terrible then,” she whispered to his ear.

“What?” he said in mock surprise, “I thought you said I did well. I did keep you on your toes.”

“Mmm, nothing particularly challenging,” she coyly said, “And Eren, you smell awful.”

“That’s it, I’m going for a swim later. And I’m taking you with—“

She squeezed. Tight. _Oh shit_.

That day, Squad Levi primarily focused on empty-handed combat techniques and blade tactics while the Commander singlehandedly trained the new recruits on the other side of the camp. With the stamina and fighting instinct they developed over the years, the training drills were not unusually grueling. The training itself however, felt alien to all of them. These techniques were intended for humans, their own kind, and not the enemy. Some of them joined the Survey Corps knowing they’ll never have to face against humans. Today, those few were sorely disappointed.

Capping off the first day of retraining, they practiced the gentle art of throwing an opponent to the ground. The Captain warned them of these techniques’ limitations however, as the commotion of taking down an enemy combatant could be potentially disastrous in stealth operations. Nonetheless, Levi decided to arm them with one more skill which may be of use.

The training day was nothing short of grueling for everyone, the Titan shifter included. After getting choked, tossed, and manhandled (not intentionally of course) by an injured girl, his entire body was screaming in protest. During training, she frequently asked him if he was okay or if she was overdoing it. Respectively, he replied yes and no. His own pride did not permit him to admit the rather painful truth. Consequently, as soon as he ditched his shirt, he collapsed face first on his sleeping mat. He didn’t bother to give his stomach time to digest what he just ate.

He would’ve fallen asleep straight away if only somebody didn’t drop by his tent.

“Eren, are you—oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mikasa. I don’t mind. I’d turn around to face you right now, but my back kind of hurts.”

“I told you to tell me, Eren. I only know now that I hurt you.”

Before he could gainsay his protector, cold, firm hands grasped his upper back’s knotted muscles. It wasn’t the first time she did this for him, but the last time she did was long ago. Before they joined the military, before all this madness and bloodshed. There were always days when young Eren would get unusually livid over antics of school bullies during their daytime classes. He would then dish out his rage on the unfortunate blocks of wood when he collected firewood in the afternoon with the girl. The pain of worn-out muscle made itself evident during bedtime, but his more level-headed companion sensed it too. From a room away.

Eren had no idea how she knew at the time, but now he narrowed it down to psychic abilities or maternal instincts. Best friend, mother figure-esque, protector, soulmate, and just recently—lover. What else is she to him?

“Eren, what’s the matter?” she approached the boy lying on his bed, flat on his stomach.

“Nothing’s the matter, Mikasa,” the young one retorted with sarcasm, “Go back to your bed. We still have classes tomorrow.”

“I know that, but I can tell that something’s bothering you. Can I help you with it?”

“No, you can’t,” said Eren, visibly flustered at that point, “My back hurts like hell and there’s nothing you can do about it. Now do us both a favor and get some sleep.”

His words cut her, but she didn’t mind. She realized he must have been in considerable pain to say something like that, so the girl didn’t take it personally. Instead, she sat on his bedside and started massaging his gangly back. The way her mother taught her how. Not now, I can’t cry now, she thought.

“Mikasa, what are you… Damn…”

“I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he said begrudgingly at first, “Not at all. You’re… you’re pretty good actually.”

She took that as an implicit sign to resume, and so she did. A comfortable silence stretched between them, and for that she was already grateful. Moments of tranquility with Eren were quite rare, and so she relished them as they came and lasted for a little while. Her hands were tired by the time he fell asleep, but she didn’t mind it. She kissed his cheek goodnight, then returned to her room.

“Don’t you dare leave me this time,” slurred the now older Eren, still being massaged by the same girl with much shorter hair now.

He took her by surprise. So he was thinking of the same as her, “Alright. I’ll stay this time, then.”

“Even after I fall asleep... Scratch that, you need to get rest at the Commander’s tent. You aren’t fully recovered yet, Mika.”

“Not fully recovered yet… So you’re saying that part of me is still in that forest? Maybe a couple of organs I left behind?”

“Not funny, Mika,” too late, she was already sniggering, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d be able to go on without me. Remember that. It’s just my preference to keep you safe as long as I’m alive.”

“I prefer to keep you safe too—that hasn’t changed one bit since the day I met you. So enough talk about me losing you. I’m not gonna let that happen, Mikasa.”

“And me losing you?” she said quietly, as if uttering a secret she promised not to tell.

He rose from his prone position and turned around to face her, seemingly having forgotten the fact that he tossed his shirt aside. Her face grew hot, and her hands remained stiff on his shoulders. He always had this bizarre effect on her whenever their faces had but inches between them. She ached with anticipation, like a diver that relishes the sight of the deep peaceful blue before him, awaiting his graceful plunge.

And so she waited not for long. Before her confounded mind could fully grasp the moment, his lips were on hers, setting every fiber of her being ablaze. His lips molded perfectly to hers and wanted to take more of her in, as if intending to cocoon her from her worst fears and anxieties. Calloused hands proved more adventurous as they traveled beneath her shirt, speeding up both their pulses. Dexterous fingers traced lines on her bare, toned back, like a pond skater walking on the surface of water.

Before they could lose themselves in each other, he broke away briefly, “I will love you in the four years I’ve left better than others with a thousand lifetimes.”

She pressed her forehead against his, and embraced him tightly, desperately holding on, “That’s my forever then—my four years with you.”

When he kissed her a second time that night, she tasted of sorrow and yearning. Tears cascaded from her eyes to her lips, and Eren could almost count every teardrop that left her. Tears he could never return or undo. Secretly, he was bitter with himself. What has he brought her besides pain and worry?

Notwithstanding the anxieties that accumulated in their minds, they grew more passionate, neither unwilling to let the gift of the present slip by. He gripped her perspiring back almost painfully, eliciting brief, muffled groans here and there. She mirrored his actions, pressing him as close to her soul as possible. And yes, it felt nothing short of amazing especially with the boy she loved since the day she lost everything. His lips left hers, only to land on her cheek, along her jaw, then finally her neck as the red scarf came off. There he lingered, planting soft kisses as they swayed slightly from side to side, dancing to the silence of an intimacy known only to them.

“You have to go back,” he spoke softly, “You’ll sleep better in the Commander’s tent than in here.”

“I want to stay with you.”

“I want that too Mikasa, but I don’t want anyone thinking ill of you after spending the night with me. Especially now that the rookies are here. At least I had a purpose when you were recovering. I could watch over you all night then.”

“Come with me then? I’m still recovering actually.”

She felt his lips smile against her neck at that, “Huh, really? You kicked my ass again and again today, and you’re still recovering? I’d hate to face you when you’re fully recovered then.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hu—“

He really needs to stop interrupting conversations this way, she thought. She was dangerously close to getting used to his mouth on hers. It just felt so damn natural.

“I know, and it’s okay,” the Titan shifter said, pulling back and brushing his nose against hers, “But you really need to get some rest now. C’mon, help me here.”

“Five minutes. Then I’ll go. Promise.”

He grumbled in mock annoyance; he couldn’t rightly refuse that, “Alright, five. Just don’t mind me. I’ll be getting some shuteye now.”

He laid on his back, and she hesitated at first. Right until he pulled her closer, placing her head on his bare chest. After a few minutes, she was snoring softly against him.

“So much for your promise. Good night.”


	15. Fifteen

“You’ve got killer reflexes,” said Eren, brushing off sand on his uniform.

“I won’t be doing you any favors by holding back,” said Mikasa matter-of-factly, “I doubt you’ll meet an enemy who’ll pull his punches for you. Try again, Eren.”

And so he did, hurling a palm strike at her face. Or at least where it used to be. She dodged a split second later and intercepted another punch of his. Eren threw her a lot of “questions,” and she had “answers” to each one. Their conversation lasted for around a minute, right until another well-timed throw sent the Titan shifter rolling on the sands. She’s just too damn good, he thought. No opening to attack and no weakness to exploit.

“How did you even get this good?” groaned Eren, still supine on the ground.

“Years of training, making mistakes, and more training. Now, on your feet, soldier.”

As soon as he did, she did not anticipate what he had in store for her next. He grabbed her loose jacket as if to throw her, but before she could respond, his mouth shot forward to hers, making her feel that way again. Warning bells went off in her mind as she realized they were in the middle of training. In broad daylight. With their friends only a couple of meters away. And Levi probably wasn’t that terribly far away.

Her thoughts raced like wild horses until the wind was suddenly knocked out of her. Annie’s technique. The first time she was oblivious in training, and she paid the price for it, which of course included the sight of the smirking boy above her. All in all, it wasn’t a bad price to pay at all. He was still an irresponsible, cheating prick though.

“Got you now,” he whispered with an underlying satisfaction.

“Yes, I suppose you have,” she whispered back, “Interesting technique. I’m sure there’s a host of situations where you can apply it. Like if Annie escapes and you find yourself facing her. I’m sure it’ll be easy to pull off.”

He didn’t miss the unusual hint of wistfulness in her voice, “I can do it with you, and only you. Remember that when I’m gone.”

She threw him off balance then pinned him down with her knee. It was her turn to catch him by surprise.

“Eren, we’re in the middle of training,” said Mikasa, that deadpan stare hiding whatever the hell she felt under that exterior, “Let’s keep it that way. Our lives may one day depend on these techniques. We aren’t used to fighting other humans.”

Shit, she’s upset again. What’d I do this time? “Alright, fine. I’ll hand my ass back over to you again, dammit.”

“Stop moaning and start raising your standards. After a few more rounds, we’ll move on to swordsmanship. On your feet. And no surprises this time.”

And none came indeed. She fulfilled her objective, as the Titan shifter’s singleminded and laser-focused persistence helped him improve more and more. As they practiced throws and counterthrows, Eren finally managed a one-in-a-million counterthrow against humanity’s second strongest, roughing up her jacket for the second time that day.

She took a second to catch her breath, “Good work, Eren. I think we did all we could here. Already told you what’s next. Grab the bokken.”

“Wait, before we flail sticks around,” he was still kneeling beside her as she sat up, “Tell me what’s wrong, And don’t weasel your way out of this. I must’ve said something stupid to make you revert back to your stoic, stiff-assed self again. Talk.”

She looked to one side, touching the scarf that she wore absolutely everywhere and everytime. “There’s… there’s just a truth we know now that I’d rather not be reminded of all the damn time. I… I can’t lose you. And kissing someone who’s trying to kill you?” She looked him in the eye and shoved his chest away, pretending to be livid with the young man. “I suppose that fits stupid rather well.”

“Whoa there, I didn’t know you were trying to kill me!”

“Eren!” she glared at him, right until a new voice broke them from their little argument.

“If you don’t want to train with her, I’d be happy to take her place,” said a new voice, which was anything but overjoyed.

“Captain,” the girl rose to het feet before Eren could say anything, “We were just sparring.”

“Jaeger, get the sticks,” said the Captain, ignoring the other Ackerman. He hated having to waste time teaching them a lesson. Two of his best veterans acting half their age. He would have been far more livid had he seen the little lip lock of theirs. That has no place where they’re going and for what they’re about to do—if diplomacy fails. They are what they train.

Levi was handed a stick, and then proceeded with the lesson. He thrusted abruptly, baiting the younger man to deflect the incoming weapon to the side. This created the opening Levi was looking for. The shorter man made a horizontal strike, nailing the Titan shifter squarely on the liver. Though it wasn’t a particularly devastating blow, Eren was visibly shaken.

The younger soldier stepped back for a swing of his own, but it simply did not happen. The unrelenting string of blows pounded him, as if coming from all directions. Before he could evade one blow, a second and third strike were well on their way. His absent mind told him nothing until the blows stopped, replaced by jet black hair just inches from his face.

The bokken halted a mere half-inch from Mikasa’s temple; the latter stood now resolutely between the Captain and her love.

“Captain,” she began, doing her best in hiding a venomous tone of insubordination, “We just began training with one-handed weapons. I think Eren needs a bit more time before he can even approach your level of proficiency.”

“Mikasa,” said the boy behind her, firmly pushing her sideways, “I’m fine, and I didn’t ask for your help!”

“You were practically getting punished, Eren.”

“And damn right he should be,” said the Captain, whose thick presence still loomed over them, “You two. Quit fucking around and start training like your lives depend on it. You think cutthroats and sentries will go easy on you?”

“No, sir,” they said in unison.

“There won’t be any lumbering slowpokes this time, or large convenient weak spots that guarantee incapacitation. A dagger, bullet, or bayonet will kill you just as easily as a pair of jaws, and you will rediscover soon enough that human beings are extremely hard to kill. Ackerman.”

“Sir?”

“You wanna make sure your boyfriend lives for as long as four years, right? Then fucking train right. Both of you. I will check on your progress an hour from now.”

Whether Levi purposefully ignored her clenched fists or simply overlooked them, no one could really say. Nonetheless, the tension left her hands as soon as those of another wrapped around hers.

“C’mon. Back to grinding. Sorry I got us in trouble.”

“When do you ever not?”

“Got nothing to say to that. I suppose I deserve it. Dammit, we aren’t kids anymore but I still manage to put us in these situations.”

“Yes we aren't, and yes you still do. But the one thing you never did was let me down. Now... pick up your weapon, Eren.”

The following days saw a mix of various training regimens and stealth techniques obviously tailored for the mission ahead. Unaccustomed to fighting their own kind, the Survey Corps soldiers had to work twice as hard, drawing strength and confidence from the fact that they had to keep one another alive.

The Titan shifter and his guardian were well ahead of everyone else in terms of performance. By some miracle, Eren's stubbornness and singleminded desire for a world without Titans nearly made his fighting skills on par with Mikasa’s. Of course, nearly was the key term. While he successfully managed to deflect some of her attacks in their sparring sessions, she was always two steps ahead of him, driving the hotblooded boy to try even harder and to slowly replace fury with focus.

The small arguments and petty bickering were still there of course, as the Titan shifter’s competitive outlook towards his guardian never absolutely vanished. He still had a tendency to get irked whenever he felt she was holding back, or when he mistakenly perceives her stoic countenance in training for a superiority complex. Nonetheless, any feelings of mild animosity evaporated at the end of each day, thanks to a passionate kiss behind a tree with the crescent moon as their only witness, or a chaste embrace before he leaves her tent to sleep in his own. This became their routine, and while it became monotonous at times, they remained happy with one another.

A few more days after Armin, Jean, and five of the more level-headed rookies of the Corps set sail for the mysterious island called Marley, Eren led Mikasa to the ocean. The day was just shy of sunrise, but the faint glow already illuminated the shore just fine. They’ve been worrying about their friends the past few days, so Eren decided on something special for the young woman. Well, if you could call an early morning stroll special, he thought with mild disappointment.

“So...,” said Mikasa, interlacing her fingers with his, “What did I wake up early for?”

He thought quickly, practically winging it from that point, “Let’s go for a swim. It’s been a while.”

“Planning to go after Armin without a boat?”

“Could probably manage it in the Attack Titan. Why not?”

“Thoughts of that aside, you want to swim now? Someone might see us. It’s almost sunup, Eren.”

“No one will. It’s still my shift for the next half-hour, so it’s all good.”

“Eren, you’re not finding an excuse to get me naked, are you?”

“What?” he exclaimed a little more forcefully than intended, dropping her hand at that, “Mikasa! Of course not. How could you even—you know what, you’re right. I MEAN not about—about THAT. This was a silly idea. Wait, what are you doing?”

He reflexively turned away from his companion, who was now unbuttoning her long sleeved shirt rather casually, “Going for a swim. Your idea after all.”

“I thought we agreed this was a stupid idea? And yes, I didn’t really think this through. I just wanted to swim.”

“Then let’s. Too late to back out. I have nothing on right now.”

“Mikasa!” said Eren in horror, who was now dying of embarrassment, “You don’t have to, and I didn’t ask for that, dammit.”

“Eren, I was kidding,” then came one of the rare chuckles as she held his shoulder, “Well, sort of. Just don’t turn around.”

“Put some clothes back on, idiot!” he seethed, taking care not to raise his voice too loud.

“I will. Right after I beat you to the ocean of course. I’ll tell you about the water over breakfast, so don’t worry.”

“Blasted, unfair reasoning,” he muttered under his breath as his own shirt came off along with the rest of his sleeping garments.

But she already did. After piling up his clothes haphazardly in one spot, he looked ahead and descried her figure in the still faint warm glow of the horizon. She faced away from him. The present visibility permitted his eyes to see only so much, but his sight was lost in her general direction nonetheless. He approached quietly, noticing that only her ankles were submerged at this point. Still wary of the blue? Perhaps. There was something absurd and strangely endearing about a master Titan slayer afraid of a little water.

Well, perhaps more than a little.

His eyes went up, but still took care to avoid looking at certain places. There was no other time when he saw her with few garments on, even when he attended to her injuries. As he secretly admired the perfect physique, cause for concern also grew. Even in the low visibility, his eyes could make out the scars that lined her body, revealing the unspoken stories he never knew before. The one thing all those lines had in common was him—all could have been undone had she not followed him on his suicide mission.

When they touched, his mind was afforded some serenity as they both relished the truth of the present. They were still alive despite all, and were able to enjoy the moment. Clasped hands around her bare stomach felt alien at first, but then the awkwardness evaporated as naturally the sea foam. Her hands in turn covered his.

“I need you to do something for me.”

She felt his chin rest on her shoulder, sending a slight tingle down her spine, “Anything.”

“Do better in protecting yourself. You have too many, Mikasa.”

“Too many of what?”

“Battlescars. I don’t like it when you add to your collection.”

“Someone’s been looking despite being told not to,” she said coyly.

He embraced her a little tighter, “I’m serious. You’re more than skilled enough to avoid getting hurt. So please.”

“Okay, but you can’t stop me from protecting you. You have scars too, lines hidden by your damned Titan powers. It might seem like your scars aren’t there, because you heal quickly, but I can see them anyway. You got hurt too, on several accounts because of me or another comrade.”

“That’s because I love you.”

“Then you must understand why I don’t mind getting hurt too.”

He made a trail of soft, gentle kisses on her round neck, ignoring the fragrant jet black hair that curtained his face. Air and ever gentle sounds escaped her small mouth at every touch, and his heart rate in turn accelerated. He wondered for how much longer will they be blessed by moments like this, and how much time he had left with her, if he was fortunate to see the end of those four years with her. He found himself resting on her other shoulder, planting a last one at the crook of her neck. They stayed silent for a while, almost swaying in synchronization with the ocean waves.

He understood what she meant just fine.

“Shall we go for a swim, then?” she nudged him, “the others will wake soon.”

“Alright. Take my lead.”

He took her by the hand, then slowly waded into the receding tide. The water was cold, but not unbearably so. Or so Eren thought. They were waist-deep in when her grip tightened.

“Whoa,” she breathed.

“Everything okay? Shit, I forgot you hate cold things in general.”

“No no, it’s okay. Just… a little chillier than I expected. But I’m okay. Really.”

“I don’t want you to end up freezing your ass off. Back to the shore?”

“Soon as we take a swim. Unless you’re afraid of course.”

He didn’t miss the dreadfully obvious hint of challenge in he voice. So he pulled her further from the shore like he meant it, to prove he didn’t fear anything save losing her or any of the loved ones he had left. She was caught by surprise and fell ungracefully to his chest, but he held them steady. As they inched further from the safety of terra firma, she pressed closer to him. Although it was to keep her balance more than anything else, she felt heat rise to her cheeks despite limbs shaking from the cold water.

When the sea level reached their shoulders, he kissed her forehead before submerging completely.

It took all her discipline to stay relatively calm, “Eren? Eren, don’t do that. I can’t see you if anything goes wrong. Eren?!”

The youth was nowhere to be seen in the following moments. Worry actually began to gnaw at her when he abruptly surfaced four meters from where she stood. He was actually floating. He looked anything but distressed; on the contrary, he looked like the happiest man in the world.

“Mikasa!” he called out yet not loudly enough so as to avoid waking up the camp.

“What? No, I think I’ll stay here.”

“You won’t regret it. C’mon. Leap of faith.”

With immense trust that exceeded her anxiety, she stepped forward once. Twice. Thrice. Then closed her eyes before sinking completely. The deep swallowed her whole, and she didn’t find it to be a particularly pleasant experience at first. There was the invasion of privacy, especially with how the water rushed in her ears. Her eyes stung for nothing when she opened them, for she could barely see anything. Survival instinct started to kick in at that time; her feet desperately searching for the land that was previously there. But there was nothing. She walked too far from the shore. She moved her limbs as cohesively as she could, struggling to swim up; she still sank deeper.

When she surfaced a couple of seconds later, it actually took a moment to register her surroundings. Her lungs expelled excess water, and her ears still felt like a shirt turned inside out. The water was still cold, but the arms around her belly and the chest behind her felt warm and safe. She heard a voice. She didn’t realize her name was being called out until her shoulders were shook.

“Mikasa? Mika! Talk to me. Are you okay?”

She did her best to speak in between fits of coughing, “I’m… I’m alright. Just not quite used to the water yet. I’m… I’m sorry you had to do that. I didn’t mean to spoil your moment.”

“Hey. You didn’t, and it’s okay, Mikasa. My fault. We shouldn’t have done this in the first place. I told you this was a stupid idea.”

“No no, you made a point about relearning how to swim. Especially if our next mission takes us to Armin and Jean. If someone goes overboard, it would be harder to rescue a drowning man unfamiliar with the water.”

“Still, I screwed up. Shouldn’t have put you at risk. I’m sorry,” he said the last one quietly, “C’mon, I’ll take you back to dry land.”

“Wait,” she turned around, holding onto his shoulders like a child, “if we go now, the day’s tasks will soon begin, and we won’t get the opportunity to talk about this. So promise me one thing first.”

His hands cupped her back, which he knew felt cold, “I’m all ears.”

“If we do get assigned to whatever the hell’s beyond this ocean and the fighting starts, find me and I’ll protect you. Don’t get too cocky fighting other men. They’re different from the enemies that you’re used to, not necessarily less dangerous. If we engage them alongside, our survivability would fare better.”

I could protect you better, she meant. Trost. The second time he saw the Colossal Titan. The day he _died_. He remembered it as vividly as last night’s dream. There was never a time when he felt more eager to strike a blow against the animals that took away his Mom and his home. He was about to march headstrong into the firestorm of combat when he felt something grab his hand. Not his shoulder, not his forearm, but the very hand that trembled with bloodlust and contempt.

_When pandemonium starts and confusion reigns, find me. I’ll protect you._

_What the hell are you thinking? I’m not your little brother, dammit!_

The memory resurfaced, and then he locked eyes with her. There she was, still by his side despite baffling odds and heart-stopping close calls. She was asking him the same thing as before, on the eve of a battle that may very well claim both their lives and those of their friends. He wanted to say sorry for what he did then, but he knew that she forgave him over and over again, certainly far more times than he deserved. He wanted to tell her that it was not alright to treat her unfairly, but he knew that everything was okay for her, that there was no harm done when he was very much aware of how he hurt her too often. He wanted to say he loved her.

And so he did. Along with “promise,” “don’t get killed,” and “let me protect you too.”

She was always there, even before he knew he needed her badly.

Their promises were sealed with the same instruments used to utter the words. Her limbs wrapped around him and pulled him gently below the surface. Her world was invaded again, but this time she wasn’t alone. She couldn’t care less about popping ears or the uncomfortably cold water. There was only the softness of their salty mouths together, the way his hands explored almost all of her sans the forbidden areas, and the unsaid words getting across through wordless conversation. They were weightless, in every sense of the word.

And they were breathless when they surfaced, still in one another’s arms.

“You’ll drown us, Mikasa,” he said without a hint of anger, the salt-flavored kiss still fresh on his tongue.

“Of course you won’t let that happen.”

“Never. I… I thought that was amazing. Our first one underwater. Didn’t think it possible.”

“Well, apparently it is. Thank you, Eren.”

A peck first, then came his response, “You’re welcome. Always.”

“I’ll hold you to that. So, should we head back? We’re dangerously close to the end of your shift, Eren.”

“Damn. Been losing track of time whenever you’re around.”

“Should I start saving up to buy you a pocket watch then? You probably need a timepiece.”

“No, I have everything I need right in front of me.”

“You know what, let’s just head back. The effects of spending too much time in saltwater,” she said, valiantly holding back a smile.

They swam back to the surface, the girl a little less gracefully than the adventurous boy. When she felt the moist sand beneath her feet once more, relief coursed through her veins. As breathtaking as that kiss was, she was more than happy to do it with him under more orthodox situations. Ones that preferably don’t involve large bodies of water.

When they surfaced and as soon as the Titan shifter saw his guardian’s bare back, he held her shoulder and looked away from her general direction, “For a moment. Stay here a bit. I’ll hand you your shirt.”

“No, it’s okay. I—oh. I didn’t notice,” she reflexively lowered herself, suddenly aware of the missing top.

It was awkward for the both of them, but he tried not to make it worse for her, “It’s okay, Mikasa. Just face away when I get back.”

She didn’t have to wait for long. After a while, he returned with her shirt and it was immediately soaked as soon as she put it on with her still dripping form. It was only now that Mikasa appreciated the thick material of their standard issue shirts. She didn’t have to worry about being exposed, and it kept her a little more warm.

As they put on the rest of their clothes on dry land (no one was awake yet, thankfully), Eren quipped, “You okay?”

“Eren,” she said softly with slight exasperation, “I just lost my top, not a limb. I’m okay.”

“Mhm. Probably at the bottom of the ocean right now. I won’t go back and fish it out for you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

He felt arms wrap around his chest as he secured his belt, his own clothes soaked as well. She always did finish earlier than him, “As much as I’d love to see that, it would probably take you days. As… impulsive as you may seem, I’ve found that you also take your time. And I love it when you do.”

“I’d be an idiot to hurry with you. You make me want to take my time, Mika. So it isn’t me—but you.”

“Really, Eren? Then I hope I didn’t make you stare for long earlier,” she said coyly.

“That’s hardly fair,” he turned around to face her, “I don’t stare, Mikasa. I would never take advantage of that. And not the woman I grew up with of all people. I love you means I mean it.”

“I believe you,” she said, embracing him and taking in the new scent of saltwater, “We should head back to our tents and get changed. The day will begin soon.”

“Alright. I’ll see you at breakfast then. Thank you.”

“Thank you, Eren.”


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Scouts!

Was he acting paranoid? Levi hoped it was just that and nothing more.

The first batch of refugees arrived well past noon, the same day two of his soldiers went for a little dip. He was checking each soldier's performance, finding every flaw he could correct—when peripheral vision picked up something unusual. At first he thought his eyes were fooling him; the figures on the horizon only grew more defined and numerous. Soon, what was a handful just a few moments ago swelled to several dozen. His men started to notice too.

"Captain, are you seeing this?" said Connie, halting his sparring with the potato girl.

"I'm not blind, Springer. Get me a spyglass. Everyone strap on ODMs. Braus, let our dear Commander know. Now."

The soldiers sprung to action without second thought. Levi paced over to the new recruits, who started noticing the incoming figures as well. He warned grave bodily injury and a month's worth of cleaning duty upon anyone who "loses their shit" or anything that even comes close to that. Just like Squad Levi, the recruits paused from training and calmly awaited these new arrivals. They were to strap on their gear as well, stand their ground, and standby while Squad Levi makes first contact.

"Captain, your spyglass."

Levi took the device from Connie and descried the mass of incoming figures. Where the hell did they come from? There were women and children in the mix; outward appearances screamed civilians. Displaced refugees. Victims. Were they, truly?

"What do you see, Levi? Anything we should be worried about?" said the voice of the Commander behind him.

"We're about to find out soon enough. Take a look yourself."

She peered into the spyglass with her lone eye, taking it all in.

"They don't appear to be armed, but stay frosty. And well, it won't do anyone good if we just stand here," she muttered so only he could hear, "Let's give them a warm welcome. Your people skills would come in handy, Levi."

As the vets walked closer to the shoreline, Hange addressed the Titan shifter present in their group, her voice now devoid of its usual, flippant tone, "Eren, if they try anything funny, you're permitted to eliminate all threats. Protect your comrades. Same goes for the rest of us."

"Yes, Sir," said Eren, although he wasn't expecting the sick feeling in his stomach afterwards brought by unwelcome, distorted memories. The dream he had several nights ago resurfaced. When the invaders came. When she was about to die trying to save him. Dammit. Not now.

He set aside the juvenile, distracting fears with the help of the raven-haired woman walking beside him, very much alive and almost fully healed of her recent injuries. For all his desire to act and advance and kill, he could never eliminate the undesirable alternative scenarios or possible outcomes. Especially in his line of work. He would be no different from the physician hoping to never encounter a hopeless case, or the tailor wishing that people's tastes in fashion would never change. In an earlier time perhaps, this would have been a truth he could never accept, restlessly burying it with an avalanche of emotions that only served to mask his loss and fear of even more loss.

But not this time. Focus, and not fury, would protect her far better. The dice of fate may not be in his hands, but he'll be damned if he would let her fall that easily.

Having noticed Eren's tense mien, Mikasa was already reaching for his hand when he held hers first, surprising her slightly. He gave a tight squeeze, then let go before anyone could notice.

She made a mental note to check on him later.

Squad Levi wasn't kept waiting for long. When the first boat beached, carrying two middle-aged men, an old woman, and two children, the Commander stepped forward.

"I'm Commander Hange Zoe of the Survey Corps. State your name and purpose."

The older of the two men, a balding greybeard with a scar on his forehead and walked with a limp, walked closer to Hange while his companions remained frozen in place. The scarface kept limping closer, setting off more alarms in Levi's head by the minute. The Captain watched the man's hands carefully, ready to cut them off as soon as they brandished a weapon.

But only a plea, and not a threat, came into light, "I am Stephan, and over there is my family. We were... prisoners of a war not too far from your lands, and we mean you no harm."

"It's easy to spin a story like that," said the Captain, "And as of the moment, we have no reason to trust what you claim."

"Please, we tell you no lies," said the man called Stephan, "We haven't brought a single weapon with us; you can see for yourselves. We only ask for food, medicine, and a place to stay in the interim. We have wounded, and folks on the brink of death after our escape."

After a moment, Hange made up her mind, "Levi, tell the recruits to assist the newcomers. But all of them will be restricted to the east area of the camp, and I want rotating shifts of sentries. No one does anything unwatched."

The Captain raised an eyebrow, "Hope we don't regret this. I count at least four dozen of them."

Stephan spoke up, albeit with reluctance, "I cannot say for certain, but more may arrive shortly. If they made it out."

"Dammit," said Levi as he walked to where the recruits were.

"How did you escape?" asked Hangi, the familiar tone of inquisitiveness returning to her voice, "And what is this war you speak of? We need to know more."

"Once a drink brings relief to my throat, I shall tell you more. But this I shall tell you now."

As more boats made it to the shore, the Scouts intercepted them, assisting numerous families and small children along the way. Some had grievous wounds of all sorts—a mutilated leg, an infected gunshot wound, a gouged eye. The combat medics in the Corps brought out the stretchers while the others prepared available medical supplies on the east side of the camp. Eren watched the recruits escort those who could walk, haul into stretchers those who couldn't, and carry children who seemed to be traumatized by whatever the hell happened in the past 48 hours. What the hell have these people been through?

"And that would be?" said Hangi, aching with curiosity. Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie stayed with the Commander and listened intently as well.

"We are here thanks to the efforts of your friends."

It can't be, can it? Results already? "Our friends? How do you mean?" but Hangi already knew what the man meant.

"The men sharing your uniform, bearing the same insignia as the one on your cloaks. I recognized it as soon as I stepped foot here. They were led by one with golden hair, telling us all the while that everything would be alright. We have our freedom once more thanks to them."

"Where are they now?" asked Hange, "We need to know. Now."

"I do not know," said Stephan, resignation lacing his every word.

"What do you mean you don't know?" burst Eren, his voice rising quickly, "You just said they helped you. So spit it out."

"We got separated. Marleyan authorities were relentless, capturing a few of us during the escape. I'm sorry, but I cannot say for certain if your friends are still alive, grateful as we are."

"Fucking hell," quipped Eren, pressing his hands to his face.

"Alex, that's enough," said Hange, quite obviously addressing Eren. What the hell?

"Comman—"

"I'm ordering you, Alex," asserted Hangi, earning perplexed looks from her soldiers, "Now be quiet and help the other newcomers. The rest of you too. I'll see to our guest."

The soldiers excused themselves, then made their way to the busiest part of the beach.

"Um, can someone explain what that was all about?" asked Sasha, knotting her brows together.

"Armin and the others made it to Marley obviously, Sash. Did you miss anything?" said Connie, scratching his head. He felt how much his hair has grown from the usual length he sported.

"No, you buffoon. About how she called—"

"Sasha," cut Mikasa, grasping the potato girl's forearm and speaking softly, "Keep it down. The Commander must've had a good reason. We don't really know who they are after all, or what they want. That's why we need to be careful."

Sasha's eyes grew larger as the dawn of understanding came, "I see. I got it just now."

Connie chimed in, "What? You mean how Hangi called—"

"Connie!" hissed Mikasa, doing her damnedest not to draw any attention, "Weren't you listening?"

"Alright, take it easy for crying out loud!" said her comrade.

"What are you guys arguing about?" said Eren, the annoyance evident in his voice. He was giving a piggyback ride to a quiet girl no older than ten, her sepulchral family following close behind. Mikasa looked at him, and couldn't help but smile despite herself. She saw Eren as a father, giving his—their—children a backbreaking ride every now and then. It was an unlikely future that she dared to visualize and yearn for.

Sasha assisted a recruit with hauling an ancient woman with stumps for legs on a stretcher, and Connie lifted a middle-aged man across his shoulders in a rescuer's carry. Mikasa did the same to a stocky man with numerous gunshot injuries on his legs, hefting him up with little effort (though the man must have been at least 90 kilos) and dodging Eren's inquiry.

"Mikasa?" the Titan shifter repeated, walking beside her, "I could've heard your voices all the way from Wall Sina. What was that about?"

"Nothing," she replied, a smirk threatening to split her face in two, "Alexander."

"What's up with—"

She held his hand momentarily and squeezed, "We'll talk later, okay? Let's focus on getting these people medical attention. And don't worry about me. I feel fully recovered by now."

She knew him extremely well by now to supply the answer long before the question even leaves his mouth, "Fine. I'll see you in a few."

They parted ways, each one trusting the other to take care in light of this unusual event. The second batch of arrivals came not long after, bringing in another 50 people or so. As Eren escorted more individuals to the east area of their camp, he encountered people from all walks of life and contrasting polarities. Not all wounds sustained were physical in nature. Some of the survivors were clearly in shock, suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, or a hairbreadth away from madness. Men, women, and children alike were not spared from pains of a shattered psyche.

The attitudes differed as well. He met his share of hysterical mothers, at least two of them, who obligated him to find their sons. In their panic, they did not even bother to describe what the little ones looked like, magically expecting Eren to pick up the image from their rattled minds via telepathy. There were a handful of grateful ones, thanking him for the accommodation. Most however, stayed quiet as stones even as he guided them to the place they would stay. In the span of that afternoon, Eren was refreshed with the various hues and tones that made up the collective palette of humanity exposed to the stresses of conflict and captivity.

The sun had already set before his mind could register the imminent nighttime and the ever so cool breeze that came with it, making him yearn for her embrace already.

When the Scouts secured the refugees (whose numbers were north of 100), Hange finally summoned her veterans—no, friends—to their usual spot around a normal campfire. Levi made certain that sentries were already stationed at key points in the refugees' camp; a situation like this could turn into a potential security nightmare fast.

"Levi, report on our guests?" the Commander began, stirring their soup she prepared, driving Sasha mad after a taxing afternoon.

"Draining our resources and whittling away at morale," replied the Captain, clearly opposed to taking in the refugees in the first place, "First, there's the medical attention. Our medics, and there's not enough of them, have been working all afternoon attending to our guests," spitting out the last word like cobra venom.

The Captain wasn't finished, "Recruits with no medical expertise whatsoever had to join in the effort, taking impromptu lessons from our dear few medics. Today's a fucking mess, and it doesn't stop there. All in all, we have 36 Scouts total in this camp, including us. Which means food, lodging, resources, and other whatnot have been provided with 36 people in mind. How the fuck do you think can we sustain 112 additional people?"

"Why are you so against our taking them in?" said the Commander, "Should we have sent them away when they turned up on our shores? Is that what you're suggesting, Levi?"

Their camp was silent, but the Captain pressed on, "Before you start thinking of me as a heartless son of a bitch, which I am anyway, consider this four-eyes. We have no reason to trust them, and they supposedly come from Marley. They could be spying for the enemy, or distracting us from our training routines for when the real fleet comes. And that story with Armin? I've done my share of fabricated stories like that in the past, and to great effect."

"So you suggest what exactly?"

"It's too late for the first one. We can't send them away now. Heartless sonuvabitch, right? The best I can suggest right now is to have some of Pixis' men pick them up and relocate them to a different area inland where they can be easily guarded, away from civilian populations or military encampments. Let's wait and decide before integrating them into society, but I still don't like the idea."

After a moment's deliberation, Hange spoke up, "Alright, fine. I'll send a rider to Zackley first thing in the morning. It's too risky to send this by pigeon. Historia needs to know about this as well."

"I agree. In the meantime, what we can send by pigeon to the Garrison HQ is an order for additional food, tents, and medical supplies. Enough for 142 people for one week. And tell them to come back in the following weeks. Don't put any other explanations in the letter."

"Uhuh, they'll probably think all our female Scouts got pregnant with octuplets or something."

"We tell them, we risk leaking this to the public and the Founding Titan knows how they'll react. Let's keep this to the top brass for now."

"Not everyone thinks like you Levi, just in case you're wondering. But fine. We'll do everything that you asked, Boss. Anyways, our soup is ready. This is all we'll have for tonight as we have to ration our food supply. If additional food doesn't get here in three days, we'd be in serious trouble. Bowls out."

Everyone took a portion of the clear soup, having bits of boar meat and other vegetables they didn't bother to identify. Bowls were wolfed down quickly, and few words were exchanged between them as they did. As they finished, the Commander made some last-minute announcements before retiring for the night.

"You know by now that we're hilariously shorthanded on resources, so listen up. In the meantime, while new shit isn't delivered here yet, Eren and Connie, you two will be staying in the same tent. Ditto for Sasha and Mikasa. I just need you to bear with it for a few days until the new tents get here. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir," they weren't ones to complain, but they weren't exactly thrilled by the new, cramped set-up either.

"And Eren," added Hange, speaking unusually softly, "Whenever we're with our guests, you will be referred to as Alexander or Alex. Hear me out. If they are spying for Marley, Reiner may have already told them the Coordinate belongs to a certain Eren Jaeger. We can only hope they don't have a sketch of your face. Be that as it may, we'll protect you."

"See?" said Levi, slapping Hange's shoulder, "You don't trust them too. Braus, first watch is yours. Up to you who to pick for second watch. If you see anything suspicious, I'll leave your good judgment to that, do not hesitate to wake me up. Let's eliminate the possibility of getting stabbed while we sleep."

Sasha nodded, desperately trying to conceal the burden of responsibility crushing her chest until a hand found her shoulder.

"It'll be fine. Can't be worse than stabbing a Titan in the eye with a freaking arrow," said Connie. She looked in his eyes, and a blush the same color as the berries she used to pick threatened to spread on her face. She hoped the campfire one meter away wasn't bright enough to reveal that.

"If you brats are done buttering each other up, let's call it a day. Springer, Mikasa, get some sleep now. Jaeger, dishes. Dismissed."

After the Titan shifter cleaned their bowls in record time in the usual nearby stream, he paced back to the tent he shared with Connie and deposited their bowls. Eren swore under his breath. Connie's snoring was far louder than the whirring of their ODMs. Yeah, good luck getting some shuteye later, thought Eren. For now though, he wanted to check on the one he professed his love to, hoping she was still awake.

He opened the tent, left his boots outside, and gingerly crawled beside the blanketed prone form. When he was level with the raven hair splayed on the pillow, his hand fell on her stomach. His forehead pressed lightly against jet black hair.

"Had a hunch you would drop by," said the girl in a voice that sounded half-asleep. Crap.

"I didn't mean to wake you. Just wanted to check on you, really."

"Ditto," she turned around to face him, eyes still lidded, "You haven't changed yet. Still wearing your cloak."

He felt her hand lazily wrap around his back, and he decided he rather liked that, "My clothes are in my tent. Wanted to get here before you dozed off. At least for a while."

"Stay for a while then? Please?"

"Of course," he pressed forward, capturing her lips with his own, to lend her much needed assurance.

She gave him pause, "So what's been bothering you? On our way to meet the refugees, you looked tense."

"Nothing worth talking about, Mikasa."

"It was enough to bother you. So what was it, my little baby brother?" said the girl, losing her fingers in his brown mop, which he found incredibly soothing. And that small, toothless smile of hers—few sights in the known world could compete with that.

"You don't have my surname yet," he replied, this time kissing her forehead, "Really. It's nothing. Just remembered a dream I'd rather not talk about right now."

She knew that dream already, having talked about it before. That incident rammed home that he was afraid of losing her just as much as she was to him. And so she vowed secretly, as Levi too advised, not to be reckless with her life and to court danger when there was no necessity.

"Alright, it's okay. I'm here you know. No matter what."

He boldly hovered over her, knees on either side of her hips and his hands ghosting over the buttons on her shirt. Hesitantly, he undid the first button, fingers tentatively and wordlessly asking for permission. She responded with a mock reprimanding voice.

"What are you doing, Eren Jaeger?" said his guardian, both hands thumbing his cheeks.

"Celebrating what you just told me, ma'am."

Hands moved to his chest, as if to teasingly push him away, "Don't we need wine, a feast, and at least a hundred guests for that?"

His own hands wrapped around hers, moving her arms to his waist (just to get them out of the way, really) and he squeezed.

"No. Just you."

Rushing with force that his Attack Titan could only dream of, they plunged them into another lip-lock, steadily increasing both their heart rates. His chest gingerly collided with hers, and through their clothes he could almost feel her heart hammering wildly as well, seeking to be free from the confines of her chest to find its home in his.

She broke away from him, mouthing "buttons" in his ear as he dug his face in her scarf. But he couldn't be entirely sure if he heard her right. His mental faculties were rapidly flying out the window.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly, and it surprised her how quickly he could shift from being a force of nature to a childlike version of the Eren she knew.

"Yes," she replied softly in turn, "But let's not go all the way, okay? I... I want to save that for another day."

In that moment, shame washed over him, suddenly realizing what all the way meant. Lessons from his abridged formal education, a vague conversation with his father, and that bunker talk from his cadet days that never interested him came flooding back. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her in a manner that did not involve offense or injury, but their mutual desire. And so he pulled away, a sincere apology already beginning to form in his mind.

But the hands on his back and behind his head did not permit him, "Eren, it's okay. I'm okay with this, alright? As long as we don't take it too far, I'm fine with it."

"Alright," and after a pause, he continued, "And I'll marry you someday. That I can promise."

"What?" was all she could stupidly utter, the gravity of his words slamming into her and immense joy threatening to rend her chest open.

"You said that you wanted to wait until another certain day," it amazed him how he could still speak with passable coherence, even as his heart pounded him from within, "So I'll wait with you. On that day, I want to give you that, a family of our own, a proper home, and all the time I have left with you. I love you. For however long I can still say that, I love you."

"I would love that," she replied, grateful that he didn't seem to see the tears that fell from her eyes, "I would love that very much, Eren."

"I know," he said, buttons coming off one by one, causing anticipation to well up inside her. They were crossing uncharted territory yet again, like children playing with matches for the first time or tenderfoot mountaineers ascending up a hill.

With the last button free, he started from the bottom—her perfect abs that put his to shame. Lips found their mark just below her belly button, and she chuckled the second he did. The sound was comparable to audible gold resonating in his ears.

"Will you stop that?" said the girl, desperately holding back laughter.

"If you can make me. Already started, and I always finish what I begin."

"Take my blanket off."

Her request perplexed him, leaving him a little... excited. But he did as asked, freeing her lower body in the process. Tonight she wore a shin-length skirt to bed, reminding him of earlier, more peaceful times when the Jaeger home was still whole. She always did wear that at home. His hands rested on her knees, rubbing circles on the familiar kneecaps that often hurt him in training, but didn't mind anyway.

He was broken away from his rumination when she wrapped her legs around his back almost violently, trapping him in the closed guard position. Shit. Mikasa was as formidable a grappler as she was a striker.

"You're not gonna kill me, are you?" said the Titan shifter, practically immobilized with the side of his face against her belly.

"Not unless you give me a reason to. Told you I tickle easily."

"Alright, point taken. Now could you let me go? You already kick my ass way too much in training."

"And I'll do it here if you make me laugh again."

"I think everything I do makes you laugh. Seriously. You'll wake up the whole fucking camp, dammit."

"Mmhmm, because someone snuck in the girls' tent when he shouldn't be."

"Fine, let's call it a night. I'll be going now. I do realize Sasha could return in a few."

"Not soon, I think," she said, letting him go and missing his warmth already. As someone who wasn't particularly fond of the evening cold, an open shirt was a terrible idea. She could already feel her limbs getting frosty, diverting the little body heat she still had to her torso.

But then her mind was taken off from the temperature when the boy she loved launched forward, finding her lips in the dark, and she had no idea how he did that. Tongues danced in the small room of their linked mouths, sliding and prodding with unbridled confidence. Her hands clamped on either side of his head, wordlessly reminding him to be gentle when he got too eager. For as strong as they both were in the battlefield, Mikasa Ackerman preferred to be soft and vulnerable in their nightly declarations of love. He was the only one she could bare her weaknesses and imperfections to without running the risk of being judged or bitten in half. She thought of him—time and time again—as home.

Home now gently undid her scarf, the artifact that bound her to him on a night when children were compelled to kill beasts garbed in men's clothing. Now free of the red cloth, she was now a little more cold, like the night she lost everything. But she didn't mind and the memories could no longer harm her, for his lips were ever warm on her neck. And how gentle he was, very much unlike the brash boy she grew up with or the young man who swore to eradicate every last Titan.

He explored more of her, and she loved every second of it. He left a trail of fire everywhere he went, yet she was still somehow unharmed. His lips found her collarbone, the area above her hammering heart, and the valley between her breasts. The last one sent a bolt of lightning through her, vaporizing any anxieties or fears that lingered in her mind. He paused, hesitant fingers ghosting over the straps of her white brassiere, unsure how to proceed. She made his decision for him.

She sat up, and he in turn knelt upright. Her shirt came free, letting fall to her bedroll. Forehead pressed against his, she began to undo the strap on her back when his hands reached for hers.

"Mikasa, no," he breathed, almost as if he had difficulty speaking.

The thrill of the moment was replaced with concern, "What's the matter? Are you okay?"

"What? Oh," he laughed softly, embracing her and burying his face in her hair, "I am. I just... don't want to lose control."

"Too much?"

"Too much."

"I'm sorry."

"No no, it's okay," he said, his hands falling on her bare waist, "Yeah, it feels great. But it's not that I love. It's you."

"Alright, back to square one then. Lips only?"

"We can try."

"Eren," she groaned, unimpressed with his weak choice of words.

"I'm okay with kissing a lot of you. Just my preference to stay away from certain parts. I don't want to hurt you by going there. You know I kinda get excited fast."

"Mmhmm, on and off the battlefield. Thanks for dropping by. I had a wonderful time—ahh. Eren," she said almost contemptuously, protesting against her partner's immensely effective neck kisses.

"I think you can tell by now if I had a wonderful time or not," he said in between kisses, hands on her bare back pressing her closer to him. He capped off the way they began—her sweet mouth pressed ever gently against his. With all the new ones that they tried that night, her lips remained his favorite dwelling place. Nothing else came close to the level of intimacy achieved when their mouths and souls wrapped around each other.

"Hi guys! So... which of you would like to take second shift?" said a new voice.


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War hasn't changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the long wait. If this story is still of interest to you, here is Chapter 17. :) Last year at high school has been a rollercoaster ride so far, and I've still got a couple of days to go. That's why I haven't been active lately. If the flames have died down, I'm still grateful that this story at least brought joy in the past. But if you're still here, I thank you for sticking around. Lastly, it's a small gesture, but do take time to say "I love you" to the folks that matter. It does count for so much. Happy reading. :)

Though his head would most certainly pop through the ceiling in his other form, he had not been to many buildings more towering than this one. From what he surveyed so far, Marleyans were obsessed with spacious interiors, and his ever insatiable mind had to find out the cultural implication behind that, useless as that piece of information would be to his mission. Did these people associate space with wealth? Royalty? Freedom? Such an interesting—

“You make a tempting offer, Mr. Arlert.”

The man who called himself Willy rested his hands on the mezzanine floor’s wooden fence (which boasted extraordinary craftsmanship as well), looking down at Armin on the ground floor. The Survey Corps’ tactician could almost taste the however that would soon drip from the enemy’s mouth, forcing him into a path he cannot follow.

“In exchange for leaving your lands alone, you offer to do business instead. The diplomat’s oldest trick it is, but an admirable course of action nonetheless. Were I in your position, I might’ve asked for the same.”

“I’m sure you would,” replied Armin, taking a sip from his glass, “and as much as I enjoy our conversation, get to the point already. Do we have a deal, or not? I’d consider this very carefully. This could be our last chance for peace.”

It flashed in his eyes for hardly a second, but Willy Tybur clearly did not expect the retort. Insolent, little blond bastard.

“Yes, about that. There’s only problem, Mr. Arlert. You see, you make it appear as if I had a choice. A choice between establishing commerce or burning your petty nation to the ground.”

Even Willy’s dozen or so bodyguards on the mezzanine floor seemed perturbed by their leader’s words, evidently not accustomed to this harrowing atmosphere. At least two subconsciously gripped their muskets harder while three looked away. Armin, on the other hand, held his steel gaze. Like a predator unwilling to take his eyes off the still living meal.

“But unfortunately, the gears in the machine are already set in motion, and we are both but pieces on an unseen, checkered board. As blind and unintuitive as we are, we all must play our parts, Mr. Arlert. We both are governed by limited movesets, infinite possibilities, and specific objectives. Would you like to know my goal, Mr. Arlert?”

“Not particularly, but don’t mind me please.”

“The best interests of my people of course. The world is rapidly modernizing, and the demands of such are as unforgiving as ever. Take this little conflict we have, for example; I can’t leave the citizens of Marley vulnerable to all sorts of attack. To do that, I’m going to have to ask back the powers that you… borrowed from us. The safety of my people is the king I must capture. And in a game of chess, what do we do with opposing pieces that inconveniently stand in the way?”

“Is that another rhetorical question?”

“Ah, yes. I’m sure your friends will miss that charming wit of yours once you return the Colossal to us.”

How the hell did this bastard know?

“You seem to be in a hurry, Mr. Arlert, so we shall dally no longer. Bring me the one you call Eren Jaeger, and I shall leave your precious walls alone. No conquest, no politics, no bloodshed—you have my word. You would not put a paltry friendship over the fate of the entire world, wouldn’t you?”

“You know I won’t tell you that. There’s more at stake here than just a paltry friendship. This is about a power that could shift the tide of this war that you speak of. A war we know very little about. I’m not certain if I am ready to just hand over such a weapon.”

“Because you’re afraid of it falling into the wrong hands—that incidents of ethnic cleansing will ensue once the Founding Titan is ours once more. While that may be true, don’t you see the absurdity of your position? How is your Jaeger more worthy to have some such a power? Let that boy loose, and he will raze Marley, women and children included. Don’t run from the truth, Mr. Arlert.”

“I am here because of the truth, Mr. Tybur. And the truth is that it would both do us good to be partners rather than combatants. The first option may significantly bolster the economies of both nations; the other option will both leave us in ruin. There really is no contest here. There does not have to be bloodshed.”

“Exactly my point,” said Willy, throwing his hands up, “And better yet, that depends on you. If you would only return what belongs to us. We’d hate having to get our answers in a less palatable way, which would stain our conscience and leave you worse for wear. So I shall ask for one last time: where is Eren Jaeger?”

“Jean, do it now! NOW!”

A split second later, the entire building was pervaded with jet black smoke—smoke as black as night. Even as he closed his eyes, Armin’s eyes began to sting and his breathing became more erratic. The massive glass windows on his left were the next to go, and he barely got under a desk in time to take cover from raining shards. Although he was one of the minds behind the Midnight Fog and he knew it would not have any permanent effects, experiencing the damn thing firsthand was an entirely different story. He thought he was going to die, alone and so far away from home. Until he was picked up by a comrade and hefted onto sturdy shoulders.

The next thing he knew, the familiar speeding sensation of the omnidirectional maneuvering gear consumed his senses, addling his brain further.

“You alright? What the hell happened back there?” asked Jean, struggling to speak at the high velocity they were going. The rest of their team was right behind them.

“You heard everything. Phase one is officially out. We need to get word to the Captain and the others ASAP. If we want any semblance of peace, Marley will have to be brought down to its knees, if not outright destroyed. Otherwise, this nightmare will never end, Jean.”

And not much has changed indeed. Even with their recent accomplishments, the odds were still largely stacked against the Survey Corps. They were still on the run from a bigger enemy with a far more formidable military force, judging from what Armin observed in reconnaissance. Technology that they only started around four years ago was already in full swing in Marley far longer than that.

If not for the hundreds of thousands of souls depending on him, Armin would have given up the fight long ago.

Meanwhile, back in the compound earlier, Tybur and his men were forced to scramble out of the premises.

“I want a team assembled to hunt them down, led by Braun. Dead or alive. He knows them better than anyone,” said Willy to the highest ranking officer with him.

“Inform the public of what’s happening too. Our main priority is civilian safety. Tell them to stay at home, and I want patrols on every street.”

The man he instructed went about his business while the rest of Tybur’s bodyguards followed him to his spacious carriage. The big cheeses of Marley had every right to know.

~~~

Sasha was no stranger to waking up from nightmares, but waking up to one? Now that was unusual.

When her tent was all but gone and she saw that massive, ghastly face looking down at her, she could’ve sworn that her heart split in two. As its jaws started to open, survival instinct kicked in, and she barely rolled away to the side in time. The monster’s head was slightly buried in the sand, buying her some time.

When she scrambled to her feet and finally got her bearings, it was as if the very gates of hell opened at the once peaceful shore. It was them. They were back. Horrors that she thought would never encounter again at least for a while. They were everywhere, and the dozens of screams echoed that fact over and over again.

Titans.

Roughly 10 meters away from her position on her 2 o’ clock was what appeared to be the glint of vertical maneuvering gear. Running towards it in a clumsy, haphazard sprint, she did her best to avoid those lumbering massive legs and to ignore the tormented screams. She had to commit every fiber of her being to acquiring the tool that would give her a fighting chance. As she drew closer, what she ate earlier for dinner spilled on the sand, and the young woman doubled over. It was one of the young recruits; his name escaped her memory. His entire lower section was gone, intestines splayed over what used to be pristine, brown sand. There was nothing more she could do for him.

The 3DMG on the other hand, appeared to be in fairly good condition. That’s what mattered.

She hastened with the blood-caked straps and belts, letting her mind go on autopilot. The thousands of repetitions of putting the gear on every morning served her well, especially that one Titan already had its sights on her.

Maneuvering gear? Check. Blades? One was dulled and the other was missing.

The Titan was walking closer.

Replace swords. Lock. Check.

She was now within arms’ reach.

Gas remaining? No time to check.

SHING – THAK!

As luck would have it, the two steel hooks found their marks squarely on the Titan’s eyes, causing the monster to step back a little. She shot up and sliced off the monster’s jaw, rendering it less of a threat for now. At the corner of her eye, she saw a soldier about to get eaten. She didn’t hesitate for too long as will overshadowed fear.

She shot her cables to the next Titan, one hook landing on the shoulder and the other on the temple. It would have to do. She flew at breakneck speed until the monster’s nape was within reach, and the killing blow was delivered. She leapt off the Titan, and landed on the sands less gracefully than she would’ve liked, but none of that mattered right now. She went over to her comrade, still the in the fallen monster’s grip. Prying the massive fingers open, she found a young recruit, about her age when she first joined the Corps. The boy was unconscious, but seemed otherwise fine. It was time to get out.

Hefting the boy up her shoulders in a rescuer’s carry, she ran like a madwoman across the death zone, finding no stable anchor points for her maneuvering gear. Pandemonium reigned as far as she could see and hear: tents were getting flattened, soldiers were yelling in their final moments, and a bushfire was raging in the treeline several meters away. Sasha had no clue where any of her friends holed up, or if any of them was still alive.

“SASH! Over here!”

She vaguely made out the sounds of hoofbeats. Within a few seconds, Connie was right beside her and dismounted from his ride. Wait, what is he doing?

“Put him on the horse, quick!” with some effort, they hauled the recruit’s limp form, “Good, now get on! Go! Ride like hell away from here!”

He did not even give her the opportunity to protest. Connie rushed headfirst into danger, screaming like mad and turning the heads of at least three nearby Titans. Sasha wanted to scream his name, to yell at him to get on the fucking horse too. But she knew that all three of them couldn’t make it. Not on a single horse.

“GOOOOOO! Get out of here! This can’t be for nothing!” he yelled for the last time, before her blurry vision obscured his figure from her view. She mounted the horse and rode as fast as the stallion could go, tears spilling from her eyes all the while. She rode for the treeline like hell and did not look back.

Not once.

In the beginning, it seemed that the woods covered her escape. She rode for what felt like days, although it couldn’t have been more than an hour probably. She was slumped on the saddle, exhausted, starving, and thirsty. But people were still in danger. The nearest populated area, Shiganshina, was around two and a half days away on horseback 100 kilometers away from her position. But it could even take longer, as she had no idea if her horse was conditioned for nonstop riding. Sasha also had to worry about drinking water too, both for herself and the recruit behind her. If the journey does stretch beyond two days, dehydration was something to be taken into account.

But everything else paled in comparison to a broken spirit.

At the back of her mind, she knew that everyone was most likely dead. It is only that the rest of her refuses to acknowledge the morbid possibility, and continues to believe that maybe they made it. Anything else would be unthinkable. But no matter what, she needed to prevent any more of this from happening, and that would largely depend on how fast she could reach Shiganshina. Historia would have to know about this too.

That is, if she made it.

The next thing she knew, a fairly large tree log was thrown in front of her, and she barely steered her horse away, almost dropping her passenger in the process. A second, smaller one arced overhead, missing her head by mere inches. Dread boiled in the pit of her stomach. Titans don’t catch up that fast, and they are sure as hell not smart enough to launch projectiles. She turned back, and then regretted it instantly.

Abnormals.

~~~

_Twenty-four hours earlier_

There was a certain finality in his actions, as if every movement, every sigh, and every touch bid farewell in their own morose way. She could have been wrong, and she was afraid that her hunch was right. Her mind wound back to the earlier events of the day.

“Captain, with all due respect, this is a time-sensitive concern. That’s Armin’s handwriting alright, and this is no ordinary sitrep. We need to get to Marley ASAP. Sir,” said Eren, both hands clutching the sides of the desk in the Commander’s tent.

“I’m well aware of what the message said, and I still stand by my decision,” said Levi, his voice dangerously lower than usual, “I don’t give a fuck if your thick skull confuses ‘abandoning comrades’ with ‘having faith.’ They haven’t been captured yet and they have a good chance of making it out. Sending in more men will only put more lives at risk.” the shorter man was seated coolly opposite Eren by the large desk.

“Eren,” the Commander added, seated towards the middle of the desk, “I know that you’re worried about them, and Armin especially. But Levi’s right. They knew what they were signing up for—the potential rewards and the risks. We made certain of that before they left for the mission. And another thing: don’t count Armin off that easily. If there’s one person who can get them out of the hornet’s nest, it’s him. And I’ve known Kirschtein to be decisive too. They will make it.”

“And what if they need backup,” replied Eren, using every drop of restraint to make his voice as neutral as possible, “And we’re not there? What then?”

“You just don’t get it, do you brat?” said the Captain, rising from his seat, “The only people qualified to infiltrate Marley are the people in this tent right now. Most of the greens outside are not yet ready. The new recruits I sent with Arlert and Kirschtein are already the best from their batch, but I’m still counting on the two to keep them alive and make sure no one fucks up. If I send the best of the Survey Corps to Marley, without a goddamn PLAN, and we all croak in the process, what then, Eren? Answer me. That’s an order.”

The Titan shifter slumped back in his seat, realizing the weight of the Captain’s words.

The shorter man leaned closer, appearing bigger to everyone in the room, “Answer me, Eren. Last call.”

“More heavy losses wouldn’t do us any good.”

“Precisely. Now if that’s all, dismissed. Get out. All of you.”

All of them save the Commander stood up, mindlessly saluted, and left without another word.

Mind jogged back to the present, she whispered his name, making him pause from his ministrations inside their tent.

“There’s something bothering you,” she tucked hair behind his ear, something he normally did for her. His hair was growing longer and more unkempt everyday, but she did not really mind. At that point, her suspicions were confirmed. He buried his face lightly at the crook of her neck, taking deep breaths and avoiding eye contact.

“What makes you say that? I can’t be that damn obvious,” he said after a while.

She kissed his cheek, and that made him relax a little. Just earlier, his entire body was nearly as rigid as ultrahard steel, ready to break at any point.

“I had a hunch, and you just practically confessed. Thank you for making my job easier.”

“Sly, little soldier,” she felt him smile against her neck, and it didn’t take long before he kissed that exposed area again. Where the hell did she keep her scarf?

“Eren,” stifling laughter at the back of her throat, “I want to talk. Tell me what’s wrong. You’re not alone in this.”

He paused again, and she felt his hand on her hair as he stopped to consider his words. It was a soothing gesture, making her feel more sleepy, but she couldn’t get shuteye just yet.

“I think you know already.”

“I’m not quite sure, so please do tell me. Let me in.”

He pressed his forehead against hers, as if the thoughts would jump from his mind to hers without the use of words, for words can be ever so primitive at times. There are times when language could only express but a fraction of the storm that raged within, and that was what Eren thought then.

“It’s not that I don’t have faith in them, Mika, but all of us have been in this business for so long. We know situations can change fast, and before we know what the hell’s going on, it’s too late to react. And I somehow know it’s within my power to help prevent something ill from befalling them.”

She stroked his back, pressing him closer to her. She didn’t mind carrying his entire weight that night. She knew he was strong, but so was she. Strong enough for the both of them. And in her arms, he found not pity, but a stronghold that no storm could reduce to rubble.

“If anything should happen to me—“

And she pieced everything at that moment: the unmatched intensity of that night’s shared kisses, the finality in his actions, the firmness of his embrace, “No, don’t talk like that,” she blurted out, “Please. Just don’t. Whatever you do and wherever you go, I’ll have your back. Just… don’t do anything stupid, please. Promise me again.”

For the nth time that night, he kissed her, wishing to leave as much of himself with her. Even if it would hurt afterwards should he draw final breath in the coming days. Even if it was selfish to ask for so much as one final moment with the woman he loved. He lingered on her lips, being ever so gentle despite his eagerness. He then made his way down, not unlike a climber making his way down a familiar route as buttons came free one by one.

He knew every single one of her scars by heart by now, testament to the number of close calls they had and the undeniable fact that she was not invincible. And that was why he could not take her with him in the suicide mission he had in mind. For now, they had the present, and so he gave her everything.

His lips found the pockmark on her shoulder, a wound sustained perhaps some years ago. Then came the gash on her side which was healed rather nicely by now, and for that he was grateful. There was also one just beneath her navel, but he forgot where that one came from. He remembered patching up the small cut on her upper leg during their trainee days however. She overlooked a sharp branch in their training grounds, and he attended to it in no time though she insisted it did not hurt. He practically dragged her to the infirmary that day.

“You’d bite my ear off if this happened to me. Just sit still. This shit’s gonna get infected if we don’t clean it.”

“It’s nothing really. I could take care of this later. We have more important—“

“Shh,” said her nurse, wiping off the blood with a clean cloth and bandaging it afterwards.

She recalled the memory too, and shivered slightly when his lips found the healed collagen tissue. He noticed this, and went back to her lips. A silent apology. After a few more minutes, his guardian fell asleep, and he got up stealthily, taking great care not to rouse her. He raised her blanket all the way to her shoulders, knowing her lack of fondness for the cold.

In the morning, the Titan shifter vanished without a trace.


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of a forgotten first kiss. And a harsh reality that could only augur a dark tomorrow.

Ignoring the steady rise of panic and the hellish crunching behind her in the dead of night, Sasha reached for the saddlebags on the horse’s flank. With trembling fingers, she clumsily unfastened the top flap and desperately prayed for a flare gun to be there. There was an assortment of clothes, vials which were probably medical supplies, and a tubular piece of steel.

The abnormals were quickly gaining on her, and the breathing of her mount was getting more and more labored.

She yanked out the piece of steel, then felt the familiar pistol grip slide into her fingers. She disengaged the safety, pointed the muzzle overhead, and pressed the trigger.

 _Click_.

Sasha never regarded herself as the courageous type, although any of her friends would disagree with that view. Still, she always imagined her end to border on the valiant rather than the tragic. More than a handful of scenarios flashed in her mind in the past: marching headlong into a horde until sheer numbers of the maneaters overwhelmed her; sacrificing herself to save a comrade from being bitten in half, or perhaps a civilian; falling at the hands of the enemy in some distant, God-forsaken land, alone and vulnerable. But it never crossed her mind that the end would be like this—desperate to escape from the Titans and unable to save even the one soul riding with her, whose name she did not even know.

We rarely are ready, and even more uncommon is getting to choose how.

Holding on for dear life, she spurred the horse faster, demanding speed and energy that the stallion had long expended. She barely noticed the shadow that deftly plucked her companion, slightly alarming her mount. A split second later, she too was taken away with great force, feeling massive fingers close around her and anticipating the grisly end.

The voice of the Captain was the last sound she expected to hear.

“…sten to me. Stay awake. That’s an order, Blouse...”

They were moving at the familiar, dizzying velocities of the maneuvering gear, and the abrupt change caused her guts to empty its contents on Levi’s back, feeling equal parts shame and weakness. Like her resolve went out with her half-digested dinner. The Captain however, did not stir, remaining singleminded on the tedious art of evasion.

It was not long before Levi and the other shadow made a hard right turn into an area with denser vegetation and miraculously, the sound of thundering footsteps and inhuman groans became less clearer. Drifting in and out of consciousness, it took Sasha a while to register that they were back on land, the crescent moon faintly illuminating the outline of a small cave ahead, as if grateful for their survival. She was still draped over the Captain’s shoulders in the rescuer’s carry, and she was secretly thankful as she did not trust her legs to keep her upright at the time. Much less to walk.

Next thing she knew, they were inside the cave, which was surprisingly spacious once inside. The Captain set her down on a makeshift bedroll of folded clothing. Rolling to her right, she saw a handful of Survey Corps troops in the dim light, though her addled mind saw that there couldn’t have been more than fifteen souls. Nearly everyone had injuries of varying severity; the scent of blood and vomit filled her sinuses. Incessant coughs racked the lungs of someone deeper in the cave—the sounds of a young man nearing his end.

“Are you hurt anywhere? Talk to me,” said Levi, kneeling next to her.

“I-I’m fine, Sir. Not hurt,” she wanted to say more, especially about Connie. But no other words came out. The fresh, bitter taste of bile still lingered on her tongue.

“We’ll find out. I’ll have Mikasa check on you in a few. An infection’s the last thing you need right now. In the meantime, here,” he removed his cravat, and it was the only time Sasha saw him without it, “We’re fresh out of handkerchiefs, clear your face with this.”

As soon as the Captain dabbed her mouth, Sasha wasn’t quite sure herself, but something compelled her to launch forward and embrace the short man in front of her. Tightly. Like a child embracing a father that disappeared for too long a time. Under more normal circumstances, it would have inappropriate—awkward even. But even as tears flowed freely down her cheeks, she wanted nothing more than to feel another comrade, making hope a little more tangible.

Levi hugged her back, though he would never dare speak of it, “You’re gonna be alright. Get some rest for now. I still have to check on the others.”

The Captain rose soon after, and exchanged a few words with someone near the cave entrance, asking something about who was keeping watch. Satisfied with the answer, he went to check on the others. The potato girl blushed when she saw that vomit—her vomit—clearly stained Levi’s garb.

“Sasha. Levi told me you’re unhurt. Are you sure? No cuts or anything that needs patching up?”

“Mikasa!” the raven-haired girl was the second victim of the viselike embrace that night, readily returning the gesture. Mikasa feared that Sasha was near her breaking point, but after everything they endured, her faith in Sasha was stronger. Fighting back tears of her own, she had to believe that they would make it through all of this, however unfavorable the odds turn out.

“No really, Mikasa. I’m fine. I’m just so glad you’re here.”

“I’m relieved you made it too. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it sooner. They were everywhere, and we had to fall ba—“

“Mikasa, stop it,” Sasha muttered, still holding onto the other girl, “You did what you had to do, and there’s no one to blame. It’s a good thing that… at least some of us made it.”

“I know,” Mikasa parted from her, giving both of them time to collect their thoughts, “the soldier you were with will be fine. You never left his side. That was very brave of you, Sasha.”

“No,” the brunette mumbled, “I-I wasn’t the brave one. Connie…”

Perhaps she couldn’t hold back the tears, she sure had no time for sobs that would interrupt the recollection, however painful revisiting the fresh memory would be. She couldn’t afford to be a broken mess right now; not for Connie, and certainly not in front of her morale-drained comrades. The least Connie deserved was a competent and coherent witness to speak of his last moments.

“For the life of me, I can’t even remember his last words. It was all so fast. He was on horseback, and dismounted once he reached me. He had us get on the horse while he… distracted them. He knew we wouldn’t get a good headstart without a diversion so… It should’ve been me. Not him.”

“No Sasha, don’t do that to yourself,” Mikasa placed a firm hand on the other’s slumped shoulder, “He wouldn’t want you to think that way, so don’t. Honor what he did by staying alive, and keeping others the same way. That’s what we do. It falls on us to earn what they sacrificed. Okay?”

Wiping away her tears with her sleeve and gripping Mikasa’s free hand, she replied, “Yes. We will earn it. I’m… I’m sorry about Eren too. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

“It’s okay, I’m fine,” she lied, masking her pain and worry with false confidence, “I’m sure he had a good reason. He just couldn’t stop worrying about Armin and the others. I know that he can take care of himself, with or without me. So I try not to worry about it too much for now.”

More lies.

Sasha allowed herself a wan smile, “If only I could say the same for Connie. I never really trusted him all the time to stay safe. He had this penchant for rushing headlong into things and working out the kinks as he went along. Part of me is angry with him, Mikasa. Angry he had to be so damn heroic.”

Sasha ran out of tears, opting to stare into the darkness before her instead; Mikasa ran out of words of consolation, empathy, warmth, or any of that other bullshit that could not undo their loss, the raven-haired woman thought bitterly. Instead, the latter settled for sitting beside Sasha and wrapping an arm around her, holding together the pieces that were coming apart. For a while, both found peace in silence, drowning out the noise of anxiety and hopelessness even for just a brief while. But even as time stopped, they both knew the hands of the clock would eventually have to resume ticking, before tears could be dried and the deepest gashes could turn into scars. Mikasa feared for her friends, for Sasha, for the young man she loved especially.

A gentle hand on her shoulder interrupted her rumination.

“Mikasa, we need to talk. Now,” said Levi.

Giving her companion a reassuring squeeze, she rose and followed the other Ackerman to the cave entrance, where fewer ears could listen.

“We were lucky Eren and Armin stumbled across this cave a few months back,” Levi began, “Never though what I thought useless at the time would end up saving the Corps. Or what’s left of it.”

“We have to hope we aren’t the only ones,” Mikasa replied after some thought, “Sasha made it out. Maybe others did too. Still running, hiding, and fighting out there.”

“For humanity’s sake, I wish the same. But in our present state and under this weather, we have no way of ascertaining that. Hell, we don’t have an abundance of options right now. Which is why I’m riding out.”

Her eyes grew wide at that, “Captain? You’ve seen what these new abnormals are capable of.”

“Oh yes, I have. And I’m one hundred percent positive that I did not see one refugee running around when all hell broke loose.”

“I noticed that too.”

“Also catch that one of them shrank down to human size as we were running to the woods?”

“What? More Titan shifters?”

“I’m not the Titan-obsessed scientist here, but I don’t think so. Shifters like Eren or Annie always emerged from the nape. I know my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me when I saw one of them decrease in size. Man-sized infiltrators can discreetly enter the walls, whether via soft entrances or playing the helpless refugee card. We can’t let that happen.”

“So we ride for the walls then, racing Titans that can easily match our mounts’ speed.”

“Not us. Just me. Trust me, I thought this through—this is the least fucked up option that we have right now. I need you to look after what’s left of us when I’m gone, whether that means my absence or my death.”

For a brief moment, the nonchalance with which he uttered the words shattered the normally impassive face of the younger Ackerman, almost making her flinch. But she said nothing.

They walked to where one of the horses were saddled, “I already gave instructions to two recruits to collect rainwater, but that won’t last long. Scout for nearby streams and ponds to keep the men alive. Boil the damn water if you don’t want to have an epidemic on your hands. The saddlebags aren’t overflowing with food, but by sheer dumb luck, we salvaged three decent bows and a handful of arrows. Tell your huntress friend get her shit together and assist her. Got that?”

“Yes, Captain,” she replied as Levi mounted their fastest ride. This time, Mikasa was the one looking up at him.

“You won’t last long in here, so move to the nearest populated area as soon as they can travel. As to when, I’ll leave that to your judgment. On a final note, remember what I said about that self-sacrificing crap of yours. They can’t afford to lose you, Mikasa. If you’re gonna pull someone’s ass out of the fire or search for the missing, get out alive yourself. Hangi would’ve said the same, and so would Eren. Don’t let me down.”

With that, the Captain rode off into the night, leaving her alone among her companions.

~~~

Some time ago, after learning of the Titan-shifters’ Curse

Rap. Rap. Rap.

Although nighttime was not particularly chilly, Eren couldn’t help but feel cold before the alien sight of her closed door jamb. Admittedly, he wasn’t sure if the evening breeze was indeed to blame. His feet refused to stay still as eager ears strained to listen for incoming footsteps within the room, hoping he didn’t rouse her from sleep. Although nine in the evening was still relatively early, the hectic activities of the day might have taken its toll on her.

The door swung open to reveal her figure, a candle in hand, and any semblance of cold was at once replaced by warmth. She was clad in the same garb as him—a simple nightshirt, cotton trousers, and sandals (although his clothes had far more more creases). It was no surprise his scarf was still around her, even as she would retire for the night. The sight of her alone was enough to put him at ease, until she gave him a tired but sincere smile.

“Hey,” Mikasa began, “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything’s okay. Is this a bad time?”

“No no, not at all,” she hastily said, “You can come in if you want. The corridors can get a little cold.”

They entered the small room, a carbon copy of all the other rooms in the building, and he took a seat by her desk. Leaving the candle on the desk, she sat by the foot of the bed and broke the silence.

“Are you sure everything’s fine? You don’t usually come here unless you need something.”

That didn’t come out right.

“Eren, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way—“

“No, you’re right,” he replied, feeling a little hurt though he knew he had no right to, “I haven’t been fair to you all this time, and none of that is on you. So don’t apologize.”

Still reeling from what she said earlier, she was taken aback more so by his words. Eren was the last person she expected to hear those words from. Still, the rational voice within her (albeit unfairly) concluded this must have been the effect of the past few days—seeing Bertolt devoured, turning their best friend into a shifter, and being locked up in dungeon all in the span of a few hours. Nothing else could explain his change in behavior.

“But for the sake of consistency,” he added after a pause, “you can say that right now is no different. I need… I need to know how you’re holding up. So how are you?”

This Eren, although she wasn’t sure if it was her Eren, was certainly full of surprises.

“I’m fine,” an automatic response to hide her shock, “You don’t have to worry about me.”

He rose from his seat, and just when she thought she couldn’t be any more surprised, he gingerly put a hand on her cheek. Even as she leaned into his touch and closed her eyes, the question in her mind could not be erased: was this Eren truly? Or an impostor that wore his face? Why was he so different tonight? It was all so unusual and yet she relished every second of it.

“I beg to differ,” he muttered, “Your cheekbones are still sticking out. You need to gain back the weight you’ve lost. Have you eaten dinner? Didn’t see you back at the mess hall.”

“I ate some bread a couple of hours ago. I wasn’t really hungry this evening.”

“Don’t give me that crap,” he withdrew his hand, a little more harshly than he intended, “I’m getting you something. I don’t care if the entire kitchen staff’s asleep.”

“Eren, wait. You don’t have to—“

The door closed, and she was left alone with nothing but the redness on her face and outstretched arm.

Over the past couple of years, there have been numerous reasons behind her becoming his guardian. While there was the fact that she felt indebted to him, it was always more than that. She made a promise to a wonderful woman who later died at the hands of the enemy, and while Mikasa was not one to break her word, it also wasn’t just that either. She loved him profoundly, and it was love that went deep so as to be unshaken by rejection, fear of death, or even the thought of her own safety. She always took care of him, even when her helping hand was unwelcome.

Now, it felt strange, though certainly not unwelcome, to be the one taken care of.

Why are you doing this? Is it because we only have so much time left? Is that it?

After several minutes, her door opened again, and she hastily wiped the tears away, hoping he didn’t notice. The smell of hot chicken broth filled her sinuses and made her mouth water, testament to the inadequate, poor excuse of a supper she had earlier. To her embarrassment, her stomach let out an audible grumble.

Don’t you dare say anything to that.

“That’s a first. Didn’t think you were that hungry.” said Eren, setting a small pitcher and a glass of water on her desk. After that, he brought the tray of food and placed it on the bed between them.

“Is this your way of getting back at me for shoving that loaf down your throat?”

A smirk spread across his face at the memory, “Maybe it is. But I won’t do the same here. I know you’re still capable of kicking my ass if you wanted to.”

“I will if you give me a reason,” she replied, taking a spoonful of the broth, “Thank you, Eren.”

“Just finish the soup before the smell attracts Sasha.”

The thought elicited a wan smile from her. A couple of spoonfuls later, she broke the silence again.

“Are you sure nothing else brought you here. I can tell that something’s on your mind.”

It took him a while to answer, and at first she thought that he didn’t hear until,

“I missed you.”

She nearly dropped her spoon on the remaining broth.

“Eren, stop it.”

Now he was not expecting that.

“What? What do you mean ‘stop it?’” said Eren, visibly flustered after mustering much courage to finally tell her the truth, only for his efforts to collapse like a house of cards.

“Does this have anything to do with… with what we found out about you and Armin?”

“What the hell does it matter? Are you gonna control how I feel now too?”

“No, Eren. I just don’t want to obligate you into feeling anything or acting any different. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I don’t even know where you picked that up. You can be weird and difficult at times.”

“You’re one to talk. You’ve been the one acting strangely tonight.”

“Well. Sorry to have ruined your evening then.”

“I never said that. On the contrary, everything about you tonight was quite sweet actually. Until you lost your shit, which was my fault admittedly.”

He said nothing, but the frown on his face was gone.

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to feel any different. Towards me.”

“I know that now. I still missed you. And for your peace of mind, it’s not because of some twisted sense of guilt or indebtedness. I just missed you. Didn’t like the thought of you stuck in that dungeon one bit.”

“I missed you too, Eren. More than you could know.”

Before he could hesitate any further, his hand found hers, and she squeezed tight in return. Their fingers parted briefly as she rose to transfer the tray to the desk, and to drink a glass of water. Before she could sit beside him, his hands tentative found her waist, and pulled her gently. Still seated on the foot of the bed, he slowly rested his forehead on her stomach. Her fingers lost themselves in his messy mop of a hair; both of them could have remained that way for a long time.

“It isn’t fair,” she spoke softly, and all at once he knew what she was referring to, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m afraid. Afraid because this is one threat I can’t protect you from.”

Instead of saying anything profound, for he considered himself no master of words anyway, he pulled her closer in a pathetic attempt to allay her fears.

“I know, Mikasa. But this isn’t just about protecting me. You’re not always in a position to do that. So this time, let me. This time, let me protect you. With whatever time I have left.”

“It hurts when you talk like that, Eren.”

He stood up, and she stepped back a little to give him some room. His hands left her, making her feel naked already without his gentle, almost alien touch. She thought he was about to leave—only for his hands to find her face.

If she had any suspicion that the young man in her room was an impostor of Eren Jaeger, her lips against his own dispelled her fears. He kissed her in a way that was so characteristically, unmistakably, irresistibly him, confidently molding his lips against hers and charging headlong into a battle he prepared for all his life.

A battle he could not win.

“I know it hurts,” he said, their foreheads pressed against each other, “Neither of us expected it would turn out this way, but this is my burden to carry. If this is what it takes for ten-year-olds a hundred years from now to live normal lives without fear of anything beyond the walls, then it’s a price I’m willing to pay.”

“Then I’ll pay it with you.”

If the first was chaste and reminiscent of childhood innocence, the second was a desperate means to convey meaning where words fell horribly short. To his surprise, she kissed him eagerly, and for a while he thought that she harnessed her familiar prowess on the battlefront. One hand clutched his hair while the other pressed against his back. Little did Eren know that he broke down the stoic dam walls, allowing raging waters to run free.

Ever the challenger, he pinned her against the wall, a hand protecting her head and neck, although restraint told him to exercise more care with his still slightly underweight guardian. His hands began with her shoulder, trailing down to her sides, her waist—memorizing by touch every curve and inch of the wonderful human being that utterly refused to leave his side. He had no idea what a mess like him did to deserve her, even as she would chastise his word choice if he voiced out his thoughts.

Their mouths opened, closed, and generally never remained still. Always yearning for something new and growing out of the familiar. All five of his senses were only capable of registering her at that very moment: the feel of short, raven hair caressing his face; the taste of recently devoured supper on her lips; the scent of standard-issue military soap that she somehow made her own and so maddening; the electrifying feel of moist, warm skin beneath intrepid fingertips. Somehow, though he had no recollection when, his right hand found itself beneath her cotton shirt, lithely gliding across her toned back, driving her ever closer to madness.

She did likewise, her left descending to tentatively find his abs under his brown shirt. While nowhere near as bold as the Titan shifter, she wasn’t about to lose this battle either. Her hands went higher, and on his chest she felt not his heart (for no heart could beat that rapidly), but a rabbit cornered by a pack of hounds. Her protective instinct resurfaced, causing a momentary break in contact.

“Are you oka-ahh…”

Only for it to crumble like a poorly engineered house, reduced to rubble by the tremor that was his lips on her neck, forcing their way beneath her frustratingly restrictive scarf. Any words died out as gasps and incoherent utterances that sounded like his name. They stayed that way for quite a while—lost in time, lost in one another, both starved for air. His head resting against her shoulder, she felt him closer than ever before and their souls intertwined in ways she never thought possible. He was so close, closer than all her greatest fears.

“Was the soup enough?” he asked all of a sudden, shaking her out of her stupor.

“Yeah. It was quite good actually. Thanks again.”

“Good. Get enough to eat these next few days. You can’t expect me to bring you food every time you’re ‘not hungry.’ Take care of yourself the same way you do for me, for crying out loud.”

“Alright, Eren. I wouldn’t mind though if you stopped by more often.”

_I want to have more moments like this with you._

“Good night, Mikasa,” he said as he placed a kiss on her forehead. He swiftly took her tray on the desk, and left the room with nary a sound. There was no sign he was ever in her room save the pitcher and glass of water he left on the desk.

He was gone, like nothing happened that wonderful evening. She wondered if the Titan shifter would hold her like that again.

She wondered if it would have been easier to forget everything.

To forget the nameless ghost that wore his face and made her heart beat like mad.

~~~

She opened her eyes, still dazed from her brief nap and puzzled to find tears on her face though it had been a pleasant dream. A memory. A momentary doorway to the past. Then she remembered that he left. Again. Crying didn’t seem like a bad idea then.

“Ma’am?” she felt a hand on her shoulder, “Max, one of our comrades, is gone.”

She got up on her feet, wracking her brains for the name of the soldier before her, “Richard, is it?” she was greeted with a nod, “I’m sorry. Get the shovel from one of the saddlebags and come with me. It’s still raining outside the cave, so bring your cloak too.”

“Yes Ma’am. Strength and honor.”

“Strength and honor, comrade.”

She corrected herself. Now was not a time of tears, but of strength. She needed to lend her strength to them, now that they need it more than ever. As for Eren, she took comfort and held fast to one last thing that held her together:

He always found a way to return to her.

_Don’t you dare start to change that now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates have been slow, and that's entirely my fault. If you're still with me, that is highly appreciated of course. We've made it past halfway, and the end is plotted and in sight. Reviews, complimentary or constructive in nature, are always welcome. Happy Moms' Day to your Moms, and to the Moms reading this story.
> 
> Strength and honor is a reference to the Gladiator film by Ridley Scott. :)


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